Wake Up In A Coma
by MissWhedonista
Summary: Alternative Season 7. Willow cannot continue on any longer without Tara, and attempts suicide to be with her again. Of course it will not be that simple. M Rating for adult themes and bad language... Just to be safe :)
1. Goodbye

**A/N: Welcome :)**  
**This is a slightly depressing fanfic that I'm partially making up as I go along. It's predominently set in S7 of BTVS, there will be some Angel characters popping up, but they don't necessarily follow the timeline.**  
**- I'm trying to do an original storyline to what I've read before. So forgive if it's strange or confusing.**  
**- Apologies if I steal anything accidentally, I've pretty much read all of the W/T fanfic on here, so at some point I'm bound to write something that someone has written elsewhere. If it uberly offends you, gimme a shout.**  
**- Please be warned that Tara will not appear until later on in the fic. **  
**- Story will contain some adulty stuff and language. Hence the M rating.**  
**- Storyline will require a little build up, so it might be slow**  
**- Characters will have non-canon relationships  
****- This is my first fanfic, so forgive if it's not written well**  
**- I have no beta, so ignore any typo's. If my grammar or spelling is majorly incorrect, then please send me a PM and I'll change it :)  
**  
**Disclaimer: Everyone seems to put one of these in. Even though it seems obvious on a site called 'fanfiction' that I'm not being paid, I am just a fan... Writing fiction... But nonetheless...**  
**I do not own, have ever owned, or will ever own any characters related to the Whedonverse. They all belong to the wonderful Joss Whedon of Mutant Enemy and co. **  
**Joss is a television God and I bow down to his awesomeness, in the process of bowing I also steal his characters and write about them.**

**Reviews: Pretty pretty please :) Would love to know what you think, what you dislike, if you sobbed like a baby lol... Please do take the time. **

**Enough of that, let's crack on... :)**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Goodbye**

Willow placed the note on her bedside table and laid her head to rest on the pillow. The concoction of pills she had taken were starting to take effect and she was beginning to regret not eating properly, all she could taste was bile and chemicals.

She took another swig of vodka in the hope that it would rid the horrible taste in her mouth but it just made her cough. It was surprising really, after the death of her girlfriend she had taken to drinking alcohol straight from the bottle often, normally she held her nose to lessen the taste, but it just seemed pointless now.

Pretty much her only thoughts were to not throw up, or think about throwing up, and how long these damn pills would take to kick in.

She had lasted a year without Tara, it had been 366 days since her girlfriends body went limp in her arms, and everyone said the pain would lessen and she would learn to move on, but it was impossible.

Everyday she just seemed to get worse and worse and melted into almost catatonic pessimism, and she quite frankly, had just had enough. She was fed up of the nightmares and the empty feeling that she held inside herself.

Once Tara's soul had left this plane, Willow was certain that hers had as well, all it left was a great big unfillable hole and the shell of a person who used to have it all.

"God I miss you so much baby." She whispered to the ceiling.

Her eyes squeezed tight but Willow had lost the ability to cry anymore, she had cried until she was dehydrated and forced to sleep off migraines, but now, she could not shed one single tear.

She was no longer fuelled by revenge or grief, she was just numb, and it had to end.

Willow clutched her chest as she felt a deep pain inside, it felt like her lungs were ripping open with every breath and it made it difficult to breathe.

Her panic overcame the pain when she realised that she didn't have a photo of Tara to hand, she moved as quickly as her body would allow and gripped the chair to avoid toppling over.

After balancing herself for just a few seconds she leaned over to pick up her favourite photo of Tara.

Buffy and the others had tried their hardest to hide all of Tara's belongings to prevent constant reminders, but Willow had found them and gradually brought back item by item that she wondered how she ever lived without before.

She laid herself back on the bed and held her photo above her head, Tara was looking down on her and smiling.

It was snapped at the beach, Tara was oblivious to the photo being taken as she was too lost staring at Willow from a distance, the love in her eyes and the side smile reserved for Willow were clearly evident. She looked so beautiful and happy.

"I'll be with you soon my love." Willow rubbed her finger along Tara's hair before bringing the photo down to her lips and placing a kiss.

She turned on her side and gripped a pillow tightly to her chest, she hoped it would stop the pain, but it didn't make any difference, she placed Tara's photo on her pillow and stared at her.

She wondered how she should pass her last few minutes, and considered a prayer but was unsure what she believed in anymore. It wasn't the religious side of Wicca and it wasn't Judaism.

There had only ever been one thing she had known and believed in above all else. And that thing had been stolen from her, her thoughts reverted back to the photograph and she let out a sigh.

She knew what she could do for the last few minutes, it wasn't quite a prayer but it was close enough. The silence was replaced by a croaky whisper attempting to sing...

'It doesn't hurt me  
You want to feel how it feels  
You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me  
You want to hear about the deal I'm making  
You... You and me  
And if I only could  
I'd make a deal with God  
And I'd get him to swap our places'

Willow never knew this song before Tara, but Tara had once mentioned that Willows heartbeat always reminded her of the song. After that, it had become a comforting reminder that the redheads beat still played even after she was bruised and beaten by demons.

Tara would cuddle Willow and listen to her lover's chest while softly singing into her skin, of course this was usually mixed in with tearing eyes and small sobs.

It wasn't one of the happiest memories Willow held of Tara, but it was one that reminded her she was once loved by the most amazing person.

'Come on baby, come on darling  
Let me steal this moment from you now  
Come on angel, come on, come on darling  
Let's exchange the experience  
And if I only could  
I'd make a deal with God  
And I'd get him to swap our places'

The pills were starting to take effect and Willow could no longer control her voice enough to keep singing out loud, nor could she keep her heavy eyelids open for much longer, she just about managed to repeat the words in her head whilst picturing her beautiful Tara.

A small smile crept across her face as she felt her body floating and she sunk into unconsciousness.

* * *

**A/N 2: The lyrics are from 'Running up that hill - Placebo' **  
** Unfortunately I don't own this song or any rights to it, but it is pretty. Go check it out if you haven't heard  
it.**


	2. Found

**Chapter 2: Found**

Buffy had had a difficult patrol, and the slash on her head was reminding her just how close she had been to almost losing once again.

She moved her hand to her eyebrow and winced as she saw the blood run down her palm.

"Damn it!" She hissed, this cut was bad even by her standards.

"The chosen one, destiny, yada yada yada, unto every generation a girl is born to get her ass kicked, have crappy boyfriends and to never have a social life."

Buffy sighed and wondered if she needed a trip to the ER or if she could just get Willow to stitch it when she got home.

"Ah slayer healing too many questions, I'll just ask Will."

By the time Buffy had returned it was already 3am, she figured she'd have a shower and if she was still bleeding she would wake Willow up. It wasn't like Willow actually did anything all day, she could be woken up.

Buffy undid her jeans and let them fall to the ground, she removed her panties and pealed the blood soaked shirt and bra off of her skin.

"Man I've gotta start buying cheaper clothes, this is getting ridiculous!" she muttered to herself whilst throwing the ruined items into the bin.

She turned the dial to get the water running nice and hot, and checked her cut in the mirror, it looked as though the bleeding was slowing,

"Might not need stitches after all." she sung to herself happily.

The water was warm and comforting and it relaxed the slayers body instantly.

As Buffy rinsed the shampoo from her hair and managed to get some in the cut she wondered where she had let her guard down. Yea she'd dusted the new vamp but how did he get such a good shot at her.

Her mind replayed the fight as if it were a video, it was an unfortunate Slayer ability, she could do complex moves without a second thought, but it was important to keep track of new moves or future obstacles that might crop up.

The slayers mind was always thinking about violence, and upon entering a room an unconscious scan for immediate danger and possible weapons always happened.

"Why didn't I duck?"

she questioned the shower head

"I saw his shoulder rise, I knew he was gonna go for it. But I froze."

Buffy was trying to remember her thoughts during the fight that weren't only focussed on the next move.

She had too many worries to spend her fighting time concentrating on only physical threat, she often thought back to her day, or what she needed to do once she got home, after she had staked or beheaded or stabbed or burnt or... Yea she had a lot of ways to kill, it was nice to mix it up now and then, the stake could get dull.

Thinking back to her fight made her remember something hitting her, not in the usual kind of way but in an 'Ohh that was my locker combination, it's been bugging me all day' kind of way.

Like she knew and felt something that she didn't know before, she decided that perhaps the slash to her forehead must have given her some minor concussion or amnesia or something, and after her Mums death, holes in heads were a priority case.

"Okay, I'm gonna wake up Will, this thing is killing me."

After dressing from her shower she got the first aid kit out of the cupboard and grabbed a new towel for accidental blood leakage.

As she walked out of the bathroom the hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention and she returned to slayer mode.

Her first priority, as always was Dawn, after scanning the corridor she plunged the door open with such aggression that it very nearly came off the hinges, the bang of it hitting the wall awoke Dawn with a startle.

"Huh?" she adjusted her eyes to the silhouette in the door way, "Buffy what the hell?"

The slayer didn't bother replying she just made her way to Willows room and repeated the same violence against the evil door.

Although the door banged into the wall, there was no movement from the bed. After seeing no danger in the room she whispered to Willow,

"Sorry Will, bit of an overreaction there. Don't suppose that now you're awake, I could ask a favour?"

Buffy danced on the balls of her feet like a schoolgirl and waited a few seconds, but heard no reply. So Buffy tried another tactic, she pressed the towel to her face to stop the blood from running down and ruining her yummy sushi pyjamas and gently poked Willows arm.

"Will, wake up." The redhead still did not respond, Buffy's keen night vision noticed the bottle of vodka to her bedside and the photo of Tara on the pillow, the slayer sighed.

She would never get used to Willow drinking and passing out, this was the same girl who feared passive smoking, and now she was doing so much damage to herself.

She had just moved from one addiction to another, Buffy had often wondered about having an intervention, but she was scared what Willow would turn to next, she figured alcohol was nothing compared to her visits to Racks.

Buffy's patience was wearing thin, she needed Willow to wake up before even more clothes got ruined, her lips turned into an upward grin and she shouted,

"Oh my God the frogs are invading!" as loud as she could.

Now Buffy was worried, she wiped her bloody fingers on the towel as best as she could and then placed them over the redheads pulse point, it was difficult to find because it was so slow and weak, but at least she was still alive.

"Dawn!" Buffy screamed, the teenager came running and prepared to whine at Buffy about shouting that she had school the next day, when she saw Buffy's forehead.

Dawn flicked the light on and saw the blood "Are you okay?" It took her a while, but she soon noticed that Buffy's eyes weren't looking at her, they were staring at Willow.

Dawn scanned the room, it was different to usual.

Since her return from England, Willows room only included the necessities, but somehow it still managed to remain messy.

Books and papers and clothes spread on the desk, bed and floor were not unusual, highlighters and erasers would appear in the most random of places, but as Dawn scanned the room she realised something.

Everything was boxed.

All items, aside from a few of Tara's belongings and photos were out of sight.

Three large boxes lined the far wall, but aside from that... Dawn averted her eyes to Willows desk, she struggled to figure out what the shiny thing under the chair was.

She walked over and shrieked, holding up the empty foil pill packets to show Buffy,

"Call 911 now!" Dawn was frozen in place, "Now Dawn! Go!"

Buffy placed her hand on Willows cheek hoping the contact would wake her up.

"Shit, she's cold."


	3. Monologue

**Chapter 3: Monologue**

Buffy stared down at Willows pale face, she looked even smaller and more fragile than usual.

Although she was breathing on her own so wasn't in need of an oxygen machine to breathe for her, she was surrounded by various beeping technologies, and impaled and probed by many different forms of metal.

It was disconcerting.

Buffy couldn't help but remember Willows short coma previously, sneaking into the hospital as a wanted murderer and coming face to face with her best friend sleeping, her head covered in a huge bandage that still had a small seeping blood stain, Xander sporting his own injuries at the bedside.

Images of previous dreams freed themselves from repression and her attention was on Faith.

Yet another coma that was her fault... How many people would she be able to put in a coma in her life?  
If only she had gotten back from patrol earlier, she might have been able to find Willow and she wouldn't have been in this mess.

It was like finding her Mom all over again, all the possibilities of the 'if only' context.

The fact was, Buffy had found Willow in time, she had gotten her medical care when she needed it, Willow wasn't going to die, she couldn't die.

Nobody would be able to pull her out of Heaven, or Hell or wherever it is people who kill the murderer of your soul mate go.

Buffy realised her thoughts were wavering, she was babbling in her head which was a new experience, and she wondered if Willow really truly ever followed her own topic changes.

An almost unnoticeable twitch appeared at the side of Buffy's mouth, it was the closest she could get to a smile for the moment.

Thought journey over, Buffy looked lovingly at the redhead laid in bed and willed her to wake the hell up.

* * *

Xander hadn't moved in hours, he remained perfectly still in the corner just staring, he hadn't spoken since the phone call from Buffy, and he hadn't yet stopped tearing.

He stared at his best friend who he had befriended way back in kindergarten, his best friend who had once tried to destroy the world and all who lived in it, including herself.

How could he not have seen this coming?

Perhaps he knew deep down that she would try something else, he was just so fed up with the moping widow that he kept his distance from her, and from the Summers residence completely really.

Once again one of his family needed him and he had failed to cooperate, remaining so focussed on his work and his cock up with Anya that he missed her crying out for help.

He wasn't a private man, and he wasn't afraid of his feelings, he loved Willow and Buffy fiercely, he loved Anya romantically, and he loved Giles in a familial sense.

But Tara, he was never sure if he loved her, he just didn't really get Tara.

She was sweet, and he definitely enjoyed her cooking and research help, and sometimes she could be funny, and she made Willow beyond happy...

Of course he had loved Tara.

If not for her being her, he loved her for making Willow, Willow.

The old Willow, studious, smiling, babbling, sober Willow.

God she had been such a mess lately, a drunken stoic mess.

It was at this moment that Xander realised: It wasn't only Tara that died that day, Willow had died with her.

* * *

Dawn was sat next to Willow with her hand gripping Willows, as if, if her grip loosened the redhead would fade away, needless to say she kept it firmly placed.

She only moved the rest of her body when she had to wipe her eyes and nose, she had not yet stopped crying, and would occasionally sob loudly for Willow, and for Tara and for her Mom and for everyone she'd ever loved that left her.

She was trying to be brave, trying to be a grown up about it all. But she was just so fed up of everybody always leaving her, or at least trying to.

She had just about forgiven Willow fully for her addiction that pushed Tara away, and pulled her back in just in time for her to get shot.

What she could not forgive was that Willow just left her body there.

She just left Tara alone, you don't do that to someone you love, you hold them and you cry, you don't run off and try to destroy the world.

Despite her anger, Dawn could not help but feel sorry for Willow.

If nothing else, her reaction to her death and her constant sadness at least reminded Dawn that she truly loved Tara.

Loved her as much as she did, missed her with the same dull ache in her chest each day.

Dawn couldn't help but feel ever so slightly guilty at her thoughts. This moment wasn't about her anger or Tara's death or everybody leaving her, it was about Willows pain, so much pain that she tried to leave the world.

She was pulled from her reverie when she became very aware of Buffy's hand on her shoulder.

It was unfair not to react, it wasn't really Buffy's fault that Willow had tried this.

Dawn pushed her guilt far far down and placed her hand on her sisters, never once moving the hand touching the redhead.

* * *

Everyone was silent and completely lost in their own thoughts, the only noise to be heard was that of the beeping confirming that although she was unconscious, Willow was still alive.

The door was pushed open with more force than intended and Giles more fell into the room, than simply walked in.

Immediately he stared down at Willow, and true to form, his glasses were removed from his face and his unnecessary wiping ensued.

His entrance caused the others to be pulled from their memories and guilt and to acknowledge his presence.

In an almost rehearsed fashion, each silently welcomed their father figure and received a brief but loving hug in return.

It didn't need to be said aloud, but everyone knew each other was blaming themselves.

This was not Willows fault.

When she had tried to destroy the world, she had slap-in-the-face-metaphorically asked for help.

Each of the scoobies had let her down, their rampant guilt and the even paler than usual redhead was their reminder.

After their hugs they claimed their original spots in the room and waited.

Non-verbally praying that she would awake soon, and they could make life better for her...

Or at least attempt some band aiding for her torn soul.


	4. Honey

**Chapter 4: Honey**

Green eyes were barely seen through the thick white fog that surrounded Willow.

Her squint concentrated on what appeared to be a far wall, but may have just been a trick of the light and the fog.

She didn't have time to wonder where she was, within a millisecond she was hit with a thousand different senses.

For that moment she could see her love, every imperfection that covered her body making her even more perfect.

Ocean blue eyes widely spread, almost penetrating like a hug.

A half smile raising the left side of her mouth, that was her smile, it was reserved for her and her only.

Skin warmth tingling on her fingertips, placing her palm flat on the skin, not caring where it hit just as long as it belonged to her love.

Honeysuckle sweetness struck her nostrils with a background of musty essence and something else that could only be described as home-cooking-comfort.

Her happy senses faded and were replaced with a constant dull ache that lay deep down in her chest.

Memories began smacking her in the face, things long repressed making their way to the surface in one painful punch after another:

_Taunted by Cordelia once again._

_Loneliness at another birthday note taped to the fridge door._

_Jesse being taken, the first friend she ever lost._

_Jumping into Mrs Summers arms after the phone call about Miss Calendar._

_Worrying if Buffy was still alive, wondering when she would get in contact._

_Seeing Xander kiss any girl but her._

_Cold knife pressed to her throat._

_Happiness as Oz finally kissed her._

_Setting up in her new dorm shared with Buffy._

_Dropping her flask seeing Oz with Veruca._

_Total numbness as Oz left..._

The ache surpassed momentarily: _Clasped hands and beating hearts, listening to a pounded door, machine movement._

_Overwhelming elation when receiving the dollseye crystal._

_Realisation of her feelings for Tara._

_Clutching a warm candle and knocking on the door._

_Kissing Tara._

_Circle of fire, touching palms, sweaty heads, pounding heartbeats._

_I love you too._

_Shock at Dawn not being real._

_Confusion and anger at Mrs Summers' death._

_I'll always find you._

_Buffy's gone._

_Moving in, caring for Dawn._

_Rank arrogant amateur._

_Don't leave me._

_Suspended on Racks ceiling._

_Shaking, sweating, sick._

_Magic free._

_Anya jilted._

_Can you just be kissing me now?_

_Your shirt?_

_No!_

The pain became too much and Willow fell to her knees.

Her head reflexively banging itself into the floor, the memories all seemed to come at once, and were coming too quickly for her to concentrate on any given one for a period of time.

_Killing Rack._

_Flaying Warren._

Anger overtook Willow and she screamed aloud and covered her ears.

_Smacking Buffy._

_Uh oh Daddy's home._

_Raising the temple._

_Xander, stop, stop it._

_Oh God._

_Headstone._

The worst image of them all.

A headstone marked with her soul mates name and dates, the image didn't leave voluntarily but with a final bang of her head Willow jumped to her feet.

She gave a full 360 turn, searching the fog frantically, "Tara?" She called out in a croaky whisper, "Tara?!" she tried to shout louder.

The sound felt out of place, and the desperation of her own voice was unsurprising yet painful nonetheless.

In the smallest childlike voice Willow possessed she gave a final tear stained attempt,

"Baby? Where are you?"

* * *

It had only been a few hours since Willow had arrived, but it felt like days.

Her desperation had left her running in circles, frantically searching for any respite in the fog.

Oxygen was becoming a problem and as the pounding in her ears became overwhelming she collapsed.

Falling to the floor, her last thought, as ever, was about Tara.

* * *

Willow softly mumbled and groaned, the light hit her eyelids like a roaring fire and she squinted, eventually forcing them open with a rush of panic and buried hope.

Only then did she realise that her body felt cocooned in warmth and comfort.

Nothing could make her feel like this but Tara's hug.

As her eyes adjusted, the hair that lay covering her was not that of Tara but belonged to another woman.

She pushed the woman to the ground and jumped off the furniture she had previously been laid out on as quickly as she could.

Stumbling to the floor she folded her body into a ball but began pulling away.

A hand softly touched her knee, and a loving voice called her name,

"Willow? Honey it's okay, look up."

Willow couldn't bare to look up.

If she looked up and didn't see Tara, then it was all over.

She had failed and she would never see her again.

Her mind wandered at an almost impossible speed.

_She wasn't in Heaven, if Tara wasn't here she couldn't be in Heaven._

_God what if there was no Heaven._

_What if there was no God._

_What if there was nothing._

_What if she had failed, and was alive._

_What if she was in an asylum?_

_What if she was trapped in her mind?_

_What if she..._

"Willow honey, look up."

The same voice softly but demandingly called out to her.

Never one to ignore an authoritative voice, she lifted her head slowly.

Eyes stinging and her vision impaired by momentary blindness, she melted into sobs that wracked her body when she saw the voices face.

"Mrs Summers?"


	5. Profit

**Chapter 5: Profit**

Anya sat by Willows bedside. Although she was not completely sure how one should act in a friend's near-voluntary-death experience, she tried her best to at least be appropriate.

Her friendship with Willow had somewhat been lacking lately, as a vengeance demon she was more than used to listening to peoples problems on a regular basis, but she was sick of hearing the same old crap from Willow.

Anya had shared what knowledge she knew of the afterlife dimensions, there were thousands, each individually created for different species and crimes carried out in their life.

Anya had lied to Willow, something which she had rarely needed to do... She had told her that it was likely she would see Tara after death, that they would find each other, and they would chill out together for the rest of time until they chose to return to earth and try again.

But it was a lie, people don't find each other, they go to their own places and are punished for the bad things they did.

At least that's what Anya had heard, it was only made up by theories really.

So many demons had returned from a dimension at some point or another but their memories were usually wiped, or fuzzy and dreamlike at best.

Perhaps if she had told her the truth Willow wouldn't have been in such a rush to leave this place.

Anya chastised herself for not thinking ahead, the least she could have done is warn Willow of the dimensions specifically created for suicides.

Even if the demon world speculation of them being some of the most unfair and cruel dimensions were true, she should have told her friend, warned her to live her life naturally and positively, preferably without killing other people...

Well, unless they really deserved it of course.

Guilt was a relatively new feeling for Anya, she had always heard of humans suffering from it, but she assumed it was like a disease, something medical and treatable.

The feeling she held was nothing that could be treated however.

The feeling came with mortality, with human life, when she fell in love with Xander, she had humanised her behaviours.

She had learned to love and care for people that had hurt her, to move past this despite her own pain.

She loved unconditionally, and it was killing her career.

A vengeance demon with guilt is like a chocolate teapot, they are useless and a liability, causing more mess than they sort out.

Her wishes that inflicted justice were no longer diabolically original, and instead were strange.

No deaths, nothing long-term, she had lost her edge and her employee of the century award.

Being a human was very difficult, she was angry that nobody else seemed to understand this.

Anya eventually stopped thinking when Buffy heavily stomped into the room.

Before even acknowledging Anya, her lips were on Willows forehead and whispers about waking up were ensued.

After checking that her friend was still asleep, and no obvious progress had been made she slunk down into another visitor's chair.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Words seemed inappropriate, there was nothing to say, Willow wasn't awake therefore nothing else mattered.

Anya looked at the slayer, she looked exhausted.

Her hair was untidily thrown into a bun, her clothes dirty with mud stains, and her lip lightly bleeding.

"Work. Patrol. Bedside. Repeat until insane?" Anya's voice sounded loud amongst the silence, and it startled Buffy.

"Something like that. Apparently vampires don't stop hunting, because the slayer takes an emergency vacation." It was sarcastic, and intended as a joke, but there was no humour to it. Neither girl laughed or even hinted at a smile.

"I can keep watching her. I'll call if she wakes."

"Don't you have some poor cheating husband to strangle or something?"

"I don't strangle, that's boring... And probably, but I don't want to."

Buffy's mouth somewhat opened in surprise at hearing these words come out of Anya's mouth.

It wasn't like the demon was much of a sharer, she didn't like to talk about her problems she liked to get vengeance.

Jeez, if Anya didn't like vengeance anymore, something was really wrong.

Perhaps it was backwards day, or she was in another dimension, or she was in the land of perpetual Wednesdays... Okay, so probably not the latter, but it was possible.

Buffy's brain instilled a small smile on her face, and she immediately reached into her pocket and pulled out her wallet.

She pulled out a $10 bill and held it high in front of her face so Anya could see it.

"Do you want this?" Buffy asked, internally praying for a correct response so she knew she wasn't in a bizarre-o land.

"Oh, yea!" Anya's excitement had gotten the best of her, and before verbally replying she had already snatched the bill away.

The slayer smiled inwardly at her joke, glad that this world wasn't quite as backward as she had assumed it was.

But then she realised she had given all of her money away, and was actually in desperate need of a coffee.

"You can keep the change if you get me a coffee."

"But now I have the money, you really should have said that before."

"You know I could kick your ass and get it back."

"Yea alright, mocha?"

Buffy shook her head, she wanted to try and stay alert,

"Black, strong, lots of sugar." Her request finalised with a small but false smile.

Anya headed out the room wordlessly, at least she was still a few bucks up from before, it wasn't all bad.

* * *

Upon her return, Anya discovered a certain blonde very much asleep in the visitor's chair.

She placed her coffee to the side and took hers back with her.

Buffy couldn't keep doing this, she needed to go home, she needed to spend some time with klepto Dawn.

As quietly as she could, she retrieved her cell from her bag and rang Giles.

"Hello, Rupert Giles speaking."

In an exaggerated whisper with the same volume as her normal voice, Anya replied. "Hey Giles, it's me."

"Ah Anya, extremely helpful for you to clarify your name."

"Stop being so snippety and listen. Buffy just got here, now she's sleeping. She looks like ten vengeance demons are playing a practical joke on her."

"Vengeance demons are attacking Buffy?" Giles' confusion was evident in his sceptical voice.

"My God, you never listen to me. Never. Like at the magic box when I told you to not put the slug juice next to..."

"Anya, what is wrong with Buffy? I feel you are entering a ramble and I am actually quite busy."

"Busy? Really? You? Well that's besides the point... Buffy looks like crap, or arse or whatever it is you say in England. She's working herself into the ground trying to look after everyone, and be here for when Willow wakes up. Someone else will have to watch her."

"Oh dear, well there aren't any other suitable candidates really Anya. Dawn is at school, Xander is working, I'm repairing the magic box as you well know, you are either here or off... 'Working' elsewhere. There is no-one else."

"What about Spike?"

"Not yet returned from his mystery trip."

"Is there no one else we can call? Just temporarily?"

Whilst only being met with a heavy sigh and a possible squeaky clean glasses wipe, Anya beams proudly.

"You could pay them." The whisper evidently carried her smile through the phone.

"I may have somebody in mind... Perhaps." As if on cue, Buffy releases a snore and almost awoke herself from slumber from the sheer decibel of it.

"Get them Giles." With the call disconnected and a resolution reached, Anya decided to leave Buffy sleeping, and to just drink her coffee whilst continuing a partially completed crossword.

"If only you were awake Willow, I have picked up a lot of knowledge in my time, but these things rarely ask demonic questions, and my music and film preferences are somewhat outdated. But then I suppose if you were awake, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be doing the stupid crossword anyway... Hmph, catch 22, stupid human pastimes."

Placing the puzzle book on the floor, Anya sat back and let her happier memories flood her consciousness.

She was soon dreaming away, in a room with two other unconscious females.

All hopefully sleeping soundly, and peacefully.


	6. Silence

**Chapter 6: Silence**

"Willow honey, say something."

The redhead wasn't able to create a verbal reply she just stared up at Joyce Summers with her mouth agape.

This position had been held for at least 15 minutes and Joyce was beginning to worry if you could get brain damage in Heaven.

The broken silence seemed to bring Willow back from her momentary brain-freeze, and after a large inhale, she was finally able to close her mouth.

"You?"

Willow was just about able to ask, shaking her head, she tried again.

"What, you, how?"

She inwardly cursed herself, the woman who could never stopped babbling in awkward situations was now unable to even form coherent sentences.

_Perhaps it was the result of the pills I took, no probably not because then I probably wouldn't be hallucinating Mrs Summers, I'd be hallucinating someone else, oh God maybe I am hallucinating, maybe I'm not even awake._

Willow randomly threw a hand to her cheek and slapped herself hard.

_Ow. Nope, not a dream._

_But the hallucination theory could still apply, using the same hand she grasped Mrs Summers' knee._

_Her hand didn't continue to go through it, so she was fairly certain it wasn't a hallucination, and she wasn't a ghost like at Halloween, her eyes reflexively searched for a wall to try walking through._

_Why is there never a wall when you need one?_

_There is always a wall in the movies when there are ghosts that..._

"Willow?"

Joyce asked again, trying to see the redheads face, that was looking down at the floor.

"Huh?.. Oh sorry Mrs Summers, apparently I couldn't speak properly but I could think. You know my brain, constantly talking to me, but not like in a schizophrenic way, no sir, no schizophrenia for me, nothing wrong with my brain, I had an fMRI done in my psych class. You know you can never be to careful, although I expect you are probably aware of that, what with your death and all."

Willow finally took a large inhale again, Joyce's confused face soon curled into a small grin.

But it was missed by the redhead, realisation flooded into her and her playful confidence and babbling soon departed.

In the smallest of insecure childlike voices, with puppy dog eyes looking straight into Joyce's, Willow asked a dreaded question.

"Am I dead?"

Jenny Calendar opted that this was the opportune moment to make her presence known.

Stepping out of the foggy cover, she made her way to Willow in the clearer air, trying carefully not to startle her.

Willows peripheral vision caught the movement and immediately focussed on the person walking towards her, she quickly made an effort to hide her heartbreaking disappointment that she wasn't Tara, but managed to replace this with genuine affection for her favourite ex-teacher...

Despite her vow to Buffy that she would hate her.

Willow briefly questioned whether the best friend oath was still considered broken if it was in the afterlife, but quickly dismissed the negativity.

This was somewhat like a reunion, it wasn't supposed to be sad, of course the circumstances were strange, and a little different to a Hanukkah party with relatives' unseen for months.

These people are dead, so she supposed she must be too.

She didn't have time to reach a full pout at her exceptional plan fuck up, as Jenny Calendar already had her arms wrapped around her.

Willow fell into the hug, not having the strength or rudeness to back away.

She had loved this woman, so had Giles, and to her that made Ms Calendar like family, no wait, not like, Ms Calendar was exactly like family.

The hug lasted an inappropriate length on earth, but given the circumstances it was probably just about the right length.

"Oh Willow."

Jenny breathed at her favourite ex-student.

Willow lightly shrugged, she didn't have the words to comprehend the situation just yet.

She had partially succeeded in her suicide attempt, well she had succeeded, she was dead, she just wasn't reunited with her soul mate.

Willow couldn't hold off any longer, she needed to find out where Tara was. _Oh God what if this is Hell? What if Tara is in Hell? Why the flip would Tara be in Hell?_ She decided it was not the time to go off on a thinking tangent again, she bravely put on her resolve face and asked both of her surrogate mothers the most important question.

"Where is Tara?"

Both women immediately looked at the floor, they didn't know, and even if they did it wasn't their place to say.

Joyce's head lifted and she looked past Willow at something behind her daughter's dead best friend.

Willows head turned and caught where Joyce was looking, through the thick fog she could see a blonde woman approaching, bright blue eyes locked with hers and Willows heartbeat increased tenfold.


	7. Restroom

**Chapter 7: Restroom**

Giles collated some essentials for his car journey. He could probably comfortably get there and back within 5 hours, but that was a long time in the car and ever the Boy Scout; he needed to be sure he was prepared.

After gathering a box of doughnuts, a flask of tea and his unhappily converted-vinyl-to-CD-collection together he walked out to his car.

Throwing his blazer to the back, and his essentials on the passenger side he seated himself in the drivers' seat. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly and he leaned his head down on it sighing.

He knew his Slayer was not going to be happy about his choice of help, especially if Anya hadn't warned her that someone was coming to help them all out.

He sighed, of course Anya hadn't told her, it was going to be a complete shock to Buffy and it was not going to end well. But he had to try, they were all run-down, and this could help the whole Scooby gang.

Giles internally chastised himself for referring to them as the Scooby gang and secured his belt in place, beginning his journey to a Sex Pistols CD.

* * *

The traffic had been hectic and the usual 2 hour journey had instead taken him almost 4, due to some poor sods being in an accident.

He was not the kind of man to be annoyed that he was delayed, he was simply uncomfortable at desperately needing a restroom stop.

Knocking on the glass doors of the Hyperion hotel, Giles immediately let himself enter.

"Hello?" He called loudly to the ceiling of the lobby.

There were no immediate responses. He continued on walking through the lobby, running impatient as his need got more urgent.

"Anyone here?!" He shouted loudly.

Again no reply, and no faces to greet him.

He glanced over to the reception desk and noticed a bell, pressing it loudly and repetitively so that the sound resonated within the rundown building.

He couldn't hold it in any longer, he needed to find a toilet... Now.

He tried his luck in the office but to no avail, he did not notice the elevator that went downwards, so he took off up one of the large staircases to find a bathroom.

After entering a room that didn't look like it was about to collapse at any second, he rushed to the bathroom and felt very relieved indeed.

After washing his hands he walked back downstairs and decided to sit on the soft seats that were available, although he had been stuck in his small cramped sports car for 4 hours, his legs were tired and stiff.

* * *

He just meant to rest for a few minutes but ended up sprawled half on and half off the seat, mouth wide open with a small puddle of drool reaching to the carpet.

Lorne entered the hotel and walked over to the sleeping stranger, gently reaching his hand out and rubbing it over Giles' arm in order to wake him softly,

"Eh sweetcheeks, it ain't exactly shag pile but it's about to be ruined."

It turned more into a repetitive poking movement than a gentle waking prod, but eventually Giles began to murmur his consciousness.

"Morning stranger, and what can I do for you?"

Giles crinkled his face at the strange voice and light seeping through the large glass doors and attempted to open his eyes, seeing a smiling, flamboyantly dressed green demon wasn't exactly what he expected to see and he tried to jump up from the seat.

Obviously not realising he was only half balancing on the furniture, his predicament concluded with him sprawling on the floor trying to crawl away from Lorne rather than a graceful jump and run.

"Hey chill it honey, I'm no foe, I'm a possible friend." Lorne attempted some light humour to ease the mans distress, but it wasn't really working.

After a few awkward seconds Giles stood up and realised that the demon didn't exactly look violent, only slightly creepy and possibly gay.

"Um it's probably the costume I'm wearing, might have freaked you a bit. Sorry about that."

Small chuckles continued from the demons mouth, pulling his white blazer around himself more, Lorne began to retreat up the stairs.

"Sorry, I was just a little shocked." Giles confirmed quickly. "Are you one of Angel's friends?"

"Friend? Frenemy? What's the dif?" At the lack of a small laugh, Lorne continued on a more serious note. "Yes I am, why what's the hubbub bub?"

"Bub? Huh?"

By this point Giles' glasses were removed and were being wiped clean.

"Oh hubbub, I see. I am Rupert Giles from Sunnydale, he should have been expecting me however I was a little late."

"Ah Giles, or 'The Other Watcher' as Wesley likes to call you. I've heard of you."

Lorne walked back towards Giles and extended his hand.

"I'm Lorne, and believe me I've heard all the jokes already."

Lorne rolled his eyes and Giles extended his hand whilst smiling.

"I'm not sure where all the kittens are, I was hoping for some Cordelia company, but no one is around. Strange that they're all out, usually someone is around."

"Excuse me for asking, but what kind of demon are you? I don't believe I have ever come across your kind before."

"Let's go get you a stereotypical cuppa and me a seabreeze, I don't like being sober for to long."

Lorne smiled, as did Giles.

Giles was confused, he didn't really feel very threatened anymore, instead feeling he may be with a more eccentric, and obviously demon version of Xander.

Giles made a mental note to contact Xander soon, despite his consistent sarcasm and confusing popular culture jokes, he really is a nice chap.

Inwardly and outwardly smiling, Giles followed the green demon to the kitchen and was more than pleased to receive a fresh and steaming cup of tea tasting a thousand times better than his stale flask of tea did.


	8. Velvet

**Chapter 8: Velvet**

"Willow." The woman breathed in her angelically soft voice. It was like velvet, and it was far too vivid for Willow's memory, she knew this voice, she knew those eyes.

Her heartbeat couldn't slow itself, and she was beginning to see black dots within the fog.

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, eyes stinging with unshed tears, blurry vision moved past the fog and the dots and focussed only on sad baby blues.

"Jesus, you look just like her." She breathed out. She was not prepared for this, this was too much. She found herself correcting her swaying body, trying her best to keep her body upright as gravity began to ignore her body.

Staring into those blue eyes was so painful, but strangely so comforting. They were the closest to Tara's you could get without it being her. And it wasn't her. It wasn't her Tara. But she felt at home within them anyway, just as she had done on Earth.

Thick tears began to fall from Willow's eyes and she was worried that if she didn't look away from those eyes, she would never stop crying. She would spend eternity in Heaven sobbing uncontrollably.

Placing on her best resolve face, Willow began to find herself again.

A long deep inhale somewhat calmed her and she managed to mutter barely audible words.

"Mrs Maclay."

If she had not already been dead, the words would probably have killed her.

The voice didn't suit her, it was strange and foreign and hollow. And it held an undeniable air of disappointment.

Mrs Maclay was unsure of what to do next, she had never envisioned the first meeting with Tara's soul mate to be under these circumstances.

She decided to do what she knew the redhead needed and swiftly walked towards her and embraced her with all her might.

Willow fell into her arms, her knees unable to hold up her body any longer, they both gently fell to the floor still embracing.

It was too hard for the others to watch, and both Jenny and Joyce averted their eyes, the sheer pain that they all felt was too much.

Heaven was not supposed to be painful, this was strange, this was hurtful and horrible, this was more like Hell.

Sobbing into each other for a long while, Luna Maclay eventually lifted Willow's face and looked straight into meadow green.

"You are just as beautiful as my daughter described."

Willow looked upwards and softly smiled.

"Thank you." Her reply was short but heartfelt.

She had never met this woman but she felt like she already knew her, Tara had described her in detail so many times, replaying her favourite memories time and time again.

This woman had brought Tara into the world and provided the only happiness in Tara's childhood, Willow loved Mrs Maclay unconditionally.

Willow was dreading asking again, but she needed to know.

"Where is she?"

Luna sighed and bit her lip softly, of course she needed to tell her what she knew, but she was afraid what it would do to her daughter's soul mate.

"Tara was here, and then she wasn't."

Willow opened her mouth wide with shock, that was not the answer she had been expecting.

"What the hell do you mean?!" She screamed, watching as Luna flinched away from her.

"She was watching you, crying and bidding you to not..."

"She could see me?" Willow squeaked out interrupting.

This softened Luna's face, despite her flaws Willow had really loved her daughter, and still did. So much so that she had ended her life to be with her again.

What more could a mother ask for?

"Yes."

The distraught redhead just stared, unsure of what to reply. "And hear you." She continued, answering the unspoken next question.

"She saw everything. I could not tear her away from watching you, she created your room up here and she would lay on her side of the bed when you were sleeping. She cried when you cried, every time she matched you tear for tear. When you would occasionally smile, she would beam so proudly. Sometimes she would visit you on Earth and sing to you when you were at your worst. Willow she saw everything."

"Everything? She saw everything." Willow repeated in shock, not yet considering the full repercussions of this statement. "Everything! Even..." Willow trailed off she couldn't finish her sentence. The pain and guilt evident on her face.

She couldn't forgive herself for killing Warren and Rack, never mind forgive herself for Tara watching her do it.

"Yes sweetheart, she saw everything."

Willow needed some time to process this part.

_Tara had seen everything, seen her murder, seen her hit Buffy, seen her try to destroy the world._

_Seen her drink and pass out._

_She's seen me talking to her headstone, cry on her headstone, curl up and sleep on it._

_Jesus she's even seen me kill myself._

_But she heard me, when I cried out to her she heard me. I begged her to respond, I just needed a small sign that she was listening and I would have been okay, I could have gotten on with my life if I knew she was okay up here. If I knew she was always with me. If I knew she had forgiven me. Has she forgiven me? Does she still love me? Perhaps she felt compelled to continue watching me, just to see what I would do. To see what I was capable of. Perhaps there is nothing else to really do up here._

_God I can't believe I'm thinking this about Tara. Such negativity, such shit thoughts about an angel._

_Fuck I'm just going to have to ask Luna, but would she just lie to me? I've already killed myself, what the hell else can I do?_

_Can you murder in Heaven?_

_Hang on, I'm a murderer in Heaven. Is this Heaven? Have I just made this up._

_I gotta stop fucking talking in my head. _Shaking her head to shift the thoughts away, she tried to ask the question.

"Did, um, does..." Willow exhaled and began again. "Does she..." Willow hated not being able to talk, this was not something she had ever had trouble with before. But apparetly at the most crucial times, she was rendered speechless. Trying for the third time, she tried to speak softly and slowly, but it came out in a slow pleading squeak. "Did she, does Tara still love me?"

"Oh Willow. You know the answer to that question. Nothing could ever stop her being in love with you, nothing."

"Then why isn't she here?"


	9. Awkward

**Chapter 9: Awkward**

Giles and Lorne had been talking for about an hour when they heard voices entering the Hyperion Hotel. Both men stood and walked towards the lobby.

Giles had been pleased to finally meet 'The Host' that Cordelia had often mentioned, yes he was a demon, but like Anya he was attempting to fit into a normal human life.

The watcher had learned a lot about Pylea, and found the details fascinating, there were few specific details of different dimensions and he was excited to make it back to Sunnydale to write the details in his journal for future watchers to refer back to.

The voices of the entering group were loud and agitated, all of the members were covered in some kind of sticky green substance, all except Cordelia.

Giles allowed himself a small eye roll and a hint of a smile, some things never changed.

"Angel, in my defence I did say look out." Wesley continued on his rant oblivious to the presence of company. "You were supposed to be watching."

"I'm just saying it would have been more helpful if you had said where to look rather than shout and then try to swipe my arm off. You distracted me." Angel continued brooding whilst wiping the blood pouring from his arm.

"Yes but Angel if you hadn't have..." The group stopped their argument at seeing Giles and Lorne standing in the lobby looking quite amused.

"Giles." Cordelia beamed, walking over and hugging the man briefly. "What are you doing here?"

"Mr Giles." Angel interrupted Cordelia curtly. "I thought you might have reconsidered."

Giles nodded his acceptance of a welcome to Angel before shaking his head to confirm he had indeed not changed his mind.

"Traffic." He shrugged in reply.

He was finally able to be civil to Angel, but was not at all ready to be friendly with him. After all, the vampire had murdered his girlfriend and tortured him. Soul or no soul at the time, he didn't like him.

Angel turned to the girl beside him.

"Why don't you go shower, when you get back I'll fill you in."

The brunette nodded, her eyes never leaving Giles'.

Giles waited until the brunette was upstairs. "You haven't told her?"

"No." Angel simply replied. "If I don't tell her, she can't refuse."

Giles didn't approve of this, but said nothing in reply. He was not the leader of this group of demon hunters, it was not his place.

Despite how much he wanted to openly tell them all how he felt. Well aside from two of the members, a black guy and a petite smiling girl.

He didn't know who they were, and it didn't appear that Angel was in a rush to introduce them.

Holding out his hand, Giles introduced himself to them. "Rupert Giles."

"Gunn." He stated simply.

Giles reflexively ducked. "Where?"

With a major eye roll he replied. "Gunn. It's my name."

At the look of understanding on Giles' face he continued.

"Man are all you British types so stuffy?" He smiled and let out a cool slow chuckle before briefly looking at Wesley and remembering his first encounter with him.

Wes had changed so much recently, he couldn't see him having the same reaction now.

Holding his hand out in a fist he bumped knuckles with Giles.

Somewhat unsure of his actions Giles seemed momentarily flustered.

"Well hi there, my name's Fred." She said sweetly holding out her hand to shake his.

Giles seemed unsure of what greeting to go for and was embarrassed when he had altered to the knuckle bump but it was incorrect.

Gently taking her hand he smiled. He would never understand Americans.

"If you don't mind Mr Giles, I'm gonna get stitched up and cleaned up then I'll be right with you."

Angel's blood was beginning to drip on the carpet, as was the green ooze.

"No, go right ahead." Giles politely replied.

Or you could just continue bleeding, painfully. He internally monologued.

He decided that that was not an overly helpful thought, despite his opinion Angel was also trying to fight the good fight, and was very good at what he did.

Plus it would kill Buffy if something happened to him. Giles walked over to the middle soft seats and took up a comfortable position whilst the group all walked off their own way, presumably to clean themselves up.

Lorne followed Giles and sat down beside him.

"Well that was awkward, you could cut the tension with a spoon. And I don't even get a hello, how is that for gratitude?"

Giles smiled and the two of them continued their conversation from earlier, both at ease and happy with each others company.

* * *

All of them arrived back at the lobby at approximately the same time.

It appeared that quickly cleaning up was like a well rehearsed routine.

The brunette looked uncomfortable and stood at Angel's side, her previous confident stare was now focussed intently on her shoes.

Giles caught Angel's eye and nodded for confirmation that it was time.

"Faith. I want you to go back to Sunnydale with Giles." Angel didn't make eye contact with her, just verbalised his order to the air.

He had never been one to beat around the bush, well apart from when it came to torture.

Faith looked like she'd been smacked, her mouth was agape and she looked confused like she had misheard.

"Woah, what?" She managed to ask, looking back and forth between Giles and Angel.

Cordelia partially resembled a Cheshire cat, her smile looking slightly to big for her face. She couldn't even hide her amusement at the situation, she had never liked the slayer.

Well actually she had never liked any slayer, but at the moment Faith was definitely the worst. Even by Cordelia's standards the girl was slutty. Her terrible black leather pants resembled a Hells Angel minus the sexy expensive motor and beard.

Cordy giggled to herself, this news was icing on her ChoccyWoccyDooDah cake.

She grabbed a seat between the watcher the vampire and the slayer, and prepared for a slanging match.

"I appreciate your apprehension Faith but we really need your help. It is not my place to order you, if you do not wish to come then you are free to say no."

Giles gave Faith his best attempt at puppy dog eyes. Years with Buffy had taught him, that one must gain a look that no one else can deny. If it were not for this face he would have been lumbered with far more mall visits and allowance of date nights.

"G quit the puppy dogging, I'm not goin'."

Giles internally reprimanded himself, damn it, she knew his plan.

Her arms immediately folded and her stance took on a more feral edge.

"The hell she's staying here!" Cordy interrupted loudly.

Backpedalling her little outburst as quickly as possible she changed her tone to patronisingly sweet.

"I mean, if you're needed then you're needed. You agreed to continue fighting for our side. Prove it. Earn your redemption."

She'd never admit it, but Cordelia was right.

She had agreed to do her part, to be good, to follow orders that would save lives.

Man she hated it when Cordy was right.

"Okay, so what's the emergency sitch G? You must be pretty desperate if B agreed to this."

Giles' eyes faltered momentarily.

"B don't know about this? Oh hell no!"

"Faith please. You know B... uffy would not take kindly to aid of any kind, never mind from someone who she... has an awkward history with."

"Awkward history? I tried to kill her, she stabbed me, I was in a coma. It was a thing. Rates a lil bit higher than awkward I reckon."

"Willow tried to kill herself. She's in a coma. Buffy is so run down trying to take on all responsibility at the same time as the guilt that she's digging herself an early grave. We have no alternatives. We need you."

His look was pleading and desperate. As an Englishman he tried to never verbalise his true feelings, but when it mattered most he had no alternative.

"Shit." Faith's reply was short and to the point. "Ok, SunnyD here I come."

Cordy and Wes were both too stunned to vocalise themselves immediately.

They both chastised themselves for their happiness at Faith's immediate removal, they never thought to question why she had to go.

"Is she okay?" Cordy asked Giles, all eyes staring at him.

He removed his glasses and shrugged his shoulders, he didn't have the heart to put the answer in to words.

The doctor's were unsure if Willow would ever wake, and if she did they did not know what damage had been done.

The rest of the Scooby gang was his main concern at the moment.

We really must get a new name for ourselves, he thought.


	10. Forgiveness

**Chapter 10: Forgiveness**

Giles turned the key and the engine quietened itself. He held it still in the ignition, as if ready to speed away if it became necessary.

He turned his head to Faith and for the first time ever, saw her as a girl.

A normal but damaged girl, who had been hurt in the past and had gone down the wrong path because of her insecurities. She was not just a slayer, she was not just a murderer and a traitor, she was a girl.

Faith needed a father figure, just like the rest of the group, they needed someone older to turn to, to confide in, to gain support and a sense of pride. Giles decided despite her actions in the past, he had forgiven her, providing that she could prove herself to the group when they needed her help the most.

"Best get rollin' then G." Faith snidely remarked, trying her best to cover over her concerns but not managing to hide them deep enough.

Faith waited at the hood of the car for Giles, she was definitely not going to knock or enter first. She was hoping he would go first and explain and then she could run when she heard the shouting, but Giles seemed to have sensed her plan and non-verbally ushered her to follow immediately.

Upon entering the house Giles called out to anyone at home, he would normally have knocked and waited despite him having a key for over 2 years. But on the ride back from LA he had envisioned Buffy coming to the door to let them in and instead knocking Faith out there and then.

This might be better, or worse, huh, perhaps he hadn't thought it through properly. Perhaps there was just no way for this to go right.

At getting no response, he called again a little louder. "Anyone home?!"

Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs and looked down at the two intruders.

Her mouth initially showing a wide grin at the unexpected visitor, she soon realised this and amended it to a more appropriate scowl. It wasn't a full scowl, more like a mock pout with laughter in her eyes. She knew she should hate Faith for what she had done to her sister in the past, but she just couldn't help admire the slayer.

Feisty and sexy as hell.

When the monks created her, they seemed to think that it would be in her best interest to get on with both of the slayers that were around at the time.

Although her feelings for Faith were slightly more than an appreciation of her abilities.

"Faith." She breathed excitedly, whilst running full speed down the stairs.

The loud stomping sounds slightly startled Faith and she took on a more sinister stance, preparing for a fight. Upon spotting Dawn, she too almost smiled.

"Hey Kid." She spoke, her eyes continuously darting around the house for any other presence.

Dawn beamed at the reunion and swiftly debated hugging the slayer, before dismissing this thought and its absurdity. You don't hug Faith dumbass, she'd push you off, probably roughly... Mmm roughly.

Shaking her head she returned to the moment.

"What are you doing here?" Dawn questioned Faith, pretty much ignoring Giles completely.

"Something to do with Red." She replied, unsure how much Dawn actually knew.

She wasn't normally one to protect others, but she didn't want to piss off Buffy anymore than necessary. And she imagined telling Dawn the true nature of what happened to Willow would probably gain a good ass kicking if she didn't already know the truth.

Buffy was of course the protector, and Faith the ruiner. Immense fuck ups that seemed to continuously make Buffy look good, and her like shit.

Oh perfect true slayer Buffy... Faith closed her eyes and exhaled the bad thoughts away.

She needed her redemption crap, and this was the only way to get it. She'd have to just put up with Buffy's superiority complex if she wanted to help... That's if Buffy would let her stay, although that was currently inconclusive.

"Is Buffy around?" Giles finally asked, seemingly oblivious to the sexual energy permeating off Dawn and her complete lack of acknowledgement for his presence.

Dawn shook her head. She voluntarily added no more information until she saw Giles' eyebrows rise almost to his hairline beckoning further information.

"She's at the hospital."

Faith finally slumped and let go off her fighting stance, unclenched her fists and exhaled loudly.

At least she wasn't seeing Buffy straight away, that might be good.

Continuing her thoughts, she realised that perhaps that was worse. Faith was never really one to plan ahead, preferring to just take things as they appeared, but waiting to see Buffy was going to be painful.

Giles turned to look at Faith, upon seeing her stance change, he was uncertain whether to ask the question or not.

"Hospital?" He simply asked, attempting to hide the disappointment in his voice that the situation was not over yet.

"Best get it over with." She replied before backing out of the house, gulping loudly.

Giles followed soon after, neither of them bothering to say goodbye to Dawn.

Dawn didn't seem too upset by this, in fact she probably hadn't even noticed.

She stood at the open front door and waved frantically goodbye, whilst shouting pleasantries.

Getting back in to the car and settling themselves down in their seats, both Giles and Faith remained silent, both lost in thought about the possible fight and heartache that was about to ensue.


	11. Reaction

**Chapter 11: Reaction**

Buffy was in her usual visitors seat at the redheads bedside. This had become her second home over the past few days.

The redhead had still made no progress, and the machines continued to be Buffy's only company in the room. The others occasionally visited and relieved her off her best friend bedsitting duties, but Buffy didn't like to be away for to long.

She wanted to be there for when Willow woke up, she wanted to be sure that she was okay and not just hear it over the phone. She needed Willow to know that she was there for her, and most of all, that she was sorry that she hadn't seen this coming, that she hadn't tried to help Willow more.

Of course sometimes the slayer had to go to work, or home to check on Dawn. But most of all she just sat, staring at her friend, telling her stories, sobbing emphatically, apologising over and over again.

Buffy had assumed that Willow was beginning to get over Tara's death, or that she was at least keeping her moaning to a minimum when she was constantly drinking. Her magic had settled itself down and she was no longer attempting to destroy the world, or suffering from withdrawals.

It appeared that she was getting better, but Buffy knew it wasn't true.

Looking back she realised that it was just what she had hoped and expected of Willow. Of course she wasn't over Tara, Buffy herself had not yet forgiven herself for Tara's death, never mind Willow forgiving herself.

It was ridiculous. They all really missed the blonde Wicca, but they missed the old Willow even more.

Buffy's thoughts were interrupted as Giles entered the room. He walked directly over to Buffy and placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently, conveying all the love he could in this small gesture.

He leaned over Willow's sleeping form and smoothed her hair out of her eyes.

She had obviously not woken yet, and no progress had been made.

He softly sighed and looked again to his slayer. Seeing her face for the first time in a few days he noticed how tired she actually looked. Dark hollow eyes and pale skin, she looked like death.

"Buffy you look terrible." He blurted out, regretting his tone instantly.

It was and it wasn't the right time for this conversation, he needed her to be aware of what she was doing to herself so that she could appreciate the help he had brought, but putting her into a bad mood was not helpful.

Buffy loudly huffed. "Yea well..." She trailed off, she didn't have anything to say that would end without her breaking down and sobbing into Giles' shoulder.

He softly smiled in return, it was now or never. He could see Faith standing outside the door and knew she wouldn't hang around for to long.

"I brought someone to help us look after Willow for awhile." He softly suggested. His eyes looking straight at Faith and willing her to enter.

She looked at the back of Buffy's head and entered. Buffy looked around and as soon as she saw those hazel eyes she jumped to her feet.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" She growled more than asked.

Faith looked straight into tired brown eyes, her mouth opening in surprise.

"Jesus B, you look like shit."

Before Buffy could shout profanities, Faith continued.

"Lemme help. Lemme look after red here, you need sleep you look real crappy."

Buffy was too angry to take in the words the Brunette was saying. Her fists were clenched at her sides, the knuckles ivory, her wrists shaking.

If people had asked Buffy after, she would have said she had just seen red. But at the time her mind wasn't focussing on a colour, just the traitorous acts of this bitch that stood before her.

Faith had nearly killed Willow once before, she would not do it again. She had been in a coma, and she should never have woken up.

Instead of doing what everyone would have presumed and beating Faith to a bloody pulp, or at least attempting to, she turned around.

Stepping towards Giles, she unclenched her fist and landed a slap across his right cheek with such force that his whole head turned to the side.

"How could you?!" She screamed, punching him in the shoulder.

He was too shocked to immediately reply or attempt to move out of the wave of punches that hit him continuously for the next few seconds. Eventually Buffy's attacks became less forceful and her pitiful hitting shone through.

She fell to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably, hugging Giles' legs close to her.

The surprise was evident on everybody's faces, Giles couldn't handle his slayer being in such distress despite his anxiousness and disappointment in her outburst. He ignored his physical pain and focussed on her emotional distress, falling to the floor and embracing her tightly.

His attempt at giving some vocal reassurance was interrupted by rapid beeping in the room.

Buffy shot up, wiping her eyes forcefully and stared at the redhead.

She was not moving, but her heart rate monitor was so fast the sound almost became a constant sound. Reaching for the button she pressed it multiple times initiating medical support to come.

Faith moved from the doorway and went to the redhead's bedside, her chest was no longer rapidly rising and falling. Aside from the constant crashed beep, there was no sound in the room. As a hoard of Nurse's ran into the room, Faith allowed herself a selfish moment, "Welcome home me." She whispered under her breath.


	12. Heartache

**Chapter 12: Heartache**

Luna tried to look Willow in the eye, but the distraught redhead didn't have the energy to hold her own head weight up. Slipping a finger under her chin, Luna aided the weightlifting.

"I don't know why she isn't here. But what I do know is she loves you."

Relieving a large lump in her throat with a gulp, she continued.

"I think Willow, I-I think Tara always knew you, always loved you. She had a permanent ache in here when I knew her." Luna pressed her head flat against Willow's chest, the other hand moving to cup her cheek.

Sensing some scepticism from her daughter's soul mate, Luna reiterated.

"She told you what her childhood was like. The gaps she didn't fill in you got from her diary."

The tone had come out a little harsher than intended. And so the affect it had on the redhead was predictable.

Green orbs stared widely, bottom jaw falling to the floor, the look would have been comical if it were not for the heartbreak that was behind it. Before Willow could surface a full babble, Luna interrupted, purring through velvet.

"She didn't mind."

This small utterance seemed to sedate Willow once more. The Maclay women were annoyingly comforting at times, despite the completely unknown context, and general plan fucky-up-ness, Willow wasn't actually that scared about being dead.

She was more... Sad.

As juvenile a word, sad is. The redhead thought it summed her up pretty well in that situation.

Everything had crashed further than rock bottom, deeper than the earth's core and her soul had metaphorically somersaulted straight into hell's fire... But all she felt right now was sad.

Willow returned to the now, staring deep into baby blues she shook her head, trying to find something else to focus on. Seeing Willow eventually blink away, Luna took the opportunity to talk again.

Her words were soft and slow with long pauses in between. It was as if some memories were being relived at that very moment.

"You know all about her, you know pretty much everything. Her past was painful, physically and emotionally. She was friendless and her family were more than useless."

Thick tears fell down Luna's cheeks. She bit her lip to keep her from being overwhelmed with guilt for her daughter's upbringing.

"She was miserable, but she would continue to fight each day. I tried to fight for her, for my baby girl, I tried to want to keep going, but I just... I gave up. I failed her and I left her. But she didn't give in, she kept fighting through it."

Luna's voice became louder and more rapid as she tried to convey her pride through her sobs.

"She didn't even run away, she did everything properly, she studied her ass off in school and in witchcraft to the point where she was..."

Stopping herself from going into a ramble, she cut herself off. Closing her eyes tight for a second and inhaling deeply through her nose. It was a very Tara-esque move and Willow appreciated seeing it again.

So this was how the Maclay women calmed themselves, this was how they stopped their rambling.

Willow tried to focus on retaining this insight, perhaps she could use this trick in the future to stop her long embarrassing babbles.

"What I'm trying to say Willow, what I'm trying to share with you, is that she was always fighting for something. And I never knew what... Until just after that wiccan meeting. When she handed you the dolls-eye crystal, it was like she handed you all of her pain. Just gave it up right there and then. She offered herself to you then Willow, she knew then that you were the one. It was the first time I'd ever seen her fully relax since she was a baby. Her shoulders slumped and her smile beamed proudly, not shy, but happy. It's like she knew, like she foresaw that you would come into her life, and take that ache and her past that shouldn't have been, away. Like you were the only one that would complete her. Only one who could free her, just allow her to stop fighting."

For the first time since she'd been there, Willow leaked happy tears.

For all the pain in both their lives, they had had pure happiness together. They had completed each other, they allowed each other to stop fighting against themselves, to not feel anything less than what they were.

To feel special and loved... And happy.

That was until Willow and her magic addiction had broken them. Left Tara not only being violated once again, but fighting both herself and Willow. Breaking them apart because she couldn't...

Luna hugged Willow briefly, seeing the change in emotion displayed on her face as she was lost in her thoughts.

"Of course it wasn't ideal that her way to stop fighting was to go and join the slayer." Luna smiled.

Willow actually laughed out loud, it was quick, but it was completely honest.

"She would be here if she could be here Willow. We'll find out what's happened, when we're meant to find out. When it's time. But don't you ever, ever doubt that my Tara didn't love you. Because that's disrespectful, and you don't want to piss off your mom-in-law by being disrespectful."

Again, finishing her sentence with a smile. Willow grinned back, managing to speak for the first time in a long while.

"Yes Ma'am." She half smiled, half cried, remembering the last time she had used that exact line.

Luna remembered that line also, but continued smiling despite her own sadness. Her smile continued beaming at Willow until the redhead fell to the floor.

Dropping to the floor as quickly as she could, she supported Willow's head.

Willow's hand gripped her own chest tightly, further tears dripped from the sides of her eyes.

This was a new kind of heartache for her, this was the very literal kind.


	13. Panic

**Chapter 13: Panic  
**  
"Momma?" A small childlike voice called out. At the silence that surrounded it. They called again.

"Momma?" This time is was an octave higher, but louder than before. The two syllables seemed to waver, they were dragged out in desperation, they continued for too long.

One wouldn't believe the owner was more than 5 years old, but it was not a child.

It was a woman that was calling for her mother.

Not just any woman, but a witch...

A dead witch.

She could see black. Complete darkness. No glimmer of light, no speck of colour amongst the complete shadow that engulfed her. She'd been through some scary stuff in her time, but right here, right now, this was the worst.

"Hello?" She called out desperately.

There was no lacking of confidence in her voice, no worry of others mocking her...

Tara Maclay was too scared to be shy.

Tara moved her feet, spinning herself in circles, searching for some light. There was nothing. Every direction held the same view. Closing her eyes for a moment, she inhaled through her nose.

She was probably just imagining this, probably overly tired, underfed, some unfathomable reason that would cause a dead witch blindness.

Blindness. Oh my God. I'm blind. How the hell did that happen?!

"Mommmmmmmma!" She called louder. "I'm trying not to panic." She called out to the air, hopeful that her mother would immediately reply to her calmer tone.

"I'm also trying not to panic you, but I think I might be blind." Again no response.

She tried to recall what she had been doing before everything had gone dark, but her memories were frazzled. Closing her eyes painfully tight she tried to recall the image of what she had been doing just before this happened.

There were noises to be heard in the distance. She stilled her breath as much as she could so she could hear. Her attempt was futile, the sound of the blood pumping in her ears resonated around her. She could not hear anything else, and could not focus on anything else.

Never one to give up so easily, she tried to calm herself.

"I lived my life in shadow." Continuing in harmonious squeaks, "Never the sun on my face."

Clearing her throat she tried again, "It didn't seem so sad though, I figured that was my place."

Covering her head with her hands, she began to laugh and cry at the same time.

"Oh, brilliant Tara. What an ideal song for this very moment. Of all the songs in all the dimensions, you choose that one." She scolded herself sarcastically.

She rubbed her temples, trying to do anything to calm herself. Music had always been of comfort to her, ever since she was a small child. She would sing with her mother when her father wasn't around. They'd sing hymns, or do rounds of popular children's songs, sometimes Luna would let Tara sing the harmony. They both loved singing together, it was relaxing and it had been their time together, their enjoyment.

Tara simply needed to pick a more appropriate song, one that wouldn't make her miserable beyond repair. One that would make her feel comforted in a bad situation.

Inhaling deeply, she tried a smoother and deeper song.

"It doesn't hurt me, you want to feel how it feels."

She could feel herself calming down. This was the most relaxing song she knew, relaxing and comforting, and it was helping already.

"You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me..."

Her blood was not pumping quite so intensely now.

She softly continued, "You want to hear about the deal I'm making. And if I only could."

Tara wrapped her arms around her cold body.

"I'd make a deal with God."

Hugging herself close.

"And I'd get him to swap our places."

Feeling a cool breeze reach up her spine she stopped. Immediately.

"Where am I?" Silence was her only reply.

"Am I being punished?"

The only noises between her questions were her sharp inhales as she tried not to break down.

"Is this hell?" She whispered loudly, unable to hold in her tears any longer.

"Think Tara think." She muttered angrily to herself.

"I was... I was sat with Momma... No I wasn't sat, I was kneeling. Why was I kneeling? She was, God what was she doing? She was holding me, hugging me actually, hugging me tightly. I was upset. She was worried, her forehead vein was popping out, she musta been really worried about something. I was looking down at something. I was trying to touch something."

Reaching her hands out in front of herself, Tara tried to visualize in her head what she was previously reaching for, she grasped at thin air.

"I needed to reach out. God I was sobbing, I could barely see in front of me. Momma kept her grip tight, and I was looking, I couldn't stop looking but I didn't want to watch."

As if it were the most simple answer of all time, she stopped herself.

Her memory returned with a smack in her face perfect pixel quality. Of course she knew what she had been looking at. How the hell could she forget it.

Strangely she felt even calmer now, than she had before.

Something strangely magical had happened, something that she could not yet explain.

She took a deep and painful inhale before exhaling the only thing in any world, that mattered.

"Willow."


	14. Pose

**Chapter 14: Pose**

"My God Willow, are you okay?" Luna frantically called to the redhead again, trying her best to calm her down by smoothing her hair repetitively.

She was unsure of what to do, would it make sense to give first aid to a dead person? Do they have ambulances in Heaven? Do they even have hospitals? Her thoughts were running wild and she needed to concentrate on Willow.

If it were possible, Willow seemed to be ever paling, tears were pouring down the sides of her eyes and leaving little puddles, her face was permanently scrunched up, trying to brave through the pain.

When Willow's face relaxed, Luna allowed herself a second to relax as well, that was until she realised that Willow wasn't relaxing because the pain had passed, but was relaxed because she was now unconscious.

* * *

Tara couldn't allow herself to panic. Now that she had remembered what Willow had been doing before everything had gone dark, she had a partial explanation of what had happened.

Thinking about the moment she had to softly smile and praise the universe on the wonderful symbolism.

Of course everything had become dark, her light was no longer visible, perhaps her redheaded light was dead.

It was selfish, but Tara was so glad.

She could be with Willow again, with the old Willow, and not have to watch her suffer each and every day. Tara had seen in 3D colour with IMAX clarity how much Willow loved her. That she literally couldn't live her life without her. And as much as she wanted the witch to be happy, she had come to terms that neither of them would be happy without their other half.

As comforting and warm-mushy-feeling'd that thought was, it still did not explain what was happening, where the hell was Willow? And where the hell was she? And why were they not hugging and crying on each other yet?

Stopping herself asking questions she let her mind drift back to the happier times she had shared with her soul mate.

Beautiful memories of inclusion within a family, helping (albeit briefly) in fighting the good fight, but most importantly, finding her other half, her better half.

She owed Willow everything, Tara was unsure if she had ever actually been alive before she had met her.

If she had ever truly lived, she concluded that the answer was probably no... No wait, scratch that, the answer was definitely undeniably no of course she hadn't.

Tara drifted back and forth between memories, smiling deeply at her past with Willow, not dwelling on the negatives, just the positives.

Thinking back to a particularly amazing official first date minus monsters they had shared.

Pre-getting-back-together coffee.

Willow's playful childlike bouncing the first time Tara said she loved her.

Tara raised her hand to her chest. She grasped at it strongly, realising just before she collapsed that this was not at all her usual heartache and general missing Willow pain, this was an actual pain deep down in her chest.

* * *

Willow eventually awoke, as her eyes were beginning to open three faces came into focus.

Jenny, Joyce and Luna each let go of the breath they had been holding for longer than physically possible.

Their eyes each had unshed tears, except for Luna who had been noticeably streaming, her eyes deep red and puffy. More tears began to fall, but were hidden behind a beaming relieved smile.

Pushing herself into a sitting position, Willow noticed that once again she was on a sofa, the same one she'd woken on previously. A small sensation of familiarity flooded through her, and she wondered why there was so little furniture in Heaven.

She realised that none of her surrogate mothers were talking yet, and after closer inspection of their faces saw that they were hiding something.

"What is it?" Willow asked Luna specifically, but voiced to the group.

No one immediately jumped to give an explanation, and her redheaded temper and pure panic was heating within her.

Luna's eyes fell downwards, her smile vanished and her tears returned in full force. Joyce placed her hand on Luna's back and rubbed soothingly, bringing her in for a one armed hug. Joyce looked like she might start sobbing at any given moment.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" She asked again, begging for answers.

They all looked relieved when she had awoken, but now they all just looked worried.

Jenny's eyes looked sideways briefly. She probably wasn't even aware that she had done it, but it gave the redhead a clue as to what the problem was.

Shifting her gaze so worriedly that it looked like her eyes moved in slow-motion, she looked towards another sofa, through the soft mist that still hung she could make out blonde hair.

Immediately jumping to her feet she tried to run towards the sofa.

In her dizzy state she fell back onto the sofa, her head swirling with more than just the standing-up-too-quickly-after-passing-out head rush.

She knew that hair, she knew that figure, she knew those God awful clothes that were designed to be curtains, she knew that slightly crooked nose, she knew those soft long fingers.

What she didn't recognise, was the serenity of it.

This wasn't her sleeping pose, Willow had memorised that after their third night together.

This wasn't her passed out pose. Willow knew that after the first time Tara had collapsed, it was imprinted involuntarily into her brain.

This was different.

Something she had only ever seen Tara do once.

This was Tara's pose when she wasn't breathing.


	15. Clear

**Chapter 15: Clear**

Ushered into the waiting room, the 2 scoobies and 1 Bostonian visitor waited.

Buffy was repeating the same words over and over.

"She's gonna be okay, she has to be okay. I can't lose her. She's gonna be okay, she has to be okay. I can't lose her."

It had become her mantra, and despite the seriousness of everything, it was seriously starting to get on Giles' nerves.

Faith was with them in the waiting room. She opted to sit over the other side of the room just in case Buffy went slightly insane again.

She too was getting pissed at Buffy's mantra, but left her to it, it was obviously keeping her momentarily grounded.

Trying her best to ignore Giles' rampant heart beat and Buffy's constant mumbling, as well as trying to ignore all of the other beeping machines and hospital bustle, her slayer hearing could just about pick up on the constant flatline of Willow's machine.

She wondered if the reason Buffy kept yacking on was because she could hear it too.

* * *

Willow immediately broke down into tears on the sofa.

"Tell me she isn't dead." She called out to the women.

Luna sat close to her on the sofa, shifting herself in preparation to embrace the redhead and allow them to cry together.

Willow however did not give her a chance, she jumped up quickly, finding her feet immediately.

"Tell me!" Realising that she was now able to stand she ran over to the sofa.

"Tara! Baby?!" She both shouted and questioned at the same time whilst running, skidding the last part before sliding the rest of the way on her knees.

Of course Tara made no movement.

Willow hovered for a moment, taking in the sight of her beautiful girl that she had not seen in over a year, before remembering the situation.

Standing and pushing her fingers to Tara's neck in one swift motion, she felt for a pulse.

Ever the scientist she removed her fingers, and pressed them to her own neck to make sure that the dead in Heaven actually had pulses.

She could feel her own beating strongly and rapidly underneath her fingers.

Looking back at it, she realised she needn't have actually checked her own neck, she could feel her blood pumping through her ears at the sight of Tara laying there motionless. But she needed to be sure that it was not just a hallucination, something that Heaven created in order to make its inhabitants feel that little bit more alive.

Willow was pushing down so hard on Tara's neck that at any other moment it would probably have been seen as abuse, sure to leave painful purple markings, but right now, she needed to be certain that there wasn't just the faintest of pulses.

Realising that there was nothing, her adrenalin left her body in one giant blow.

Adrenalin-less and dizzy, Willow was knocked off her feet. Jenny managed to close the gap between them instantly and caught the falling redhead, laying her to the ground softly.

Willow's thoughts were so muddled, Tara was dead again. She was dead. They were both in Heaven. But somehow Tara had managed to die in Heaven.

What the fuck was going on?!

* * *

Nurses stood around the redhead's bed ushering for the Doctor to come in.

In ran Dr Russell, the nurses immediately spewing out Willow's vitals before he even had the chance to ask.

Grabbing the defibrillator one of the nurses had brought in, he began charging it and the machine sound whirred beneath his hands.

"Charging to 200, clear!" He shouted, administering the shock via two large paddles.

The redhead's heart rate monitor continued its monotonous beep.

* * *

Leaning on Jenny, Willow began to sob uncontrollably.

She called Tara's name over and over again.

This was all too familiar, seeing her laid out lifeless all over again.

Willow clutched at her chest again, the pain was back and it was blinding.

* * *

Tara sat bolt upright, grasping at her chest where the pain forcefully hit her.

Looking through her tears she could see her Mom and Joyce sitting on the sofa hugging each other.

Looking next to the sofa she saw Jenny cuddling somebody.

Somebody who looked an awful lot like a beautiful sobbing angel.

Through the pain she managed to cry out to her.

"Willow?!" She breathed.

* * *

"Charging to 260, clear!" The machine whirred again, zapping Willow's lifeless form.

* * *

Faith could hear the machine and the Dr calling clearly now, she held her breath, trying to keep other noises to a minimum. It was not sounding good.

Buffy's mantra had become louder and more emotional.

Glancing over at her in preparation to ask her to hush the hell up, she saw Buffy holding her head in what looked like a painful headlock. Her hands trying to cover both her eyes and ears at the same time, whilst her whole body managed to make a rocking motion on her chair.

Faith looked away and concentrated on listening again. She was pretty much waiting for the inevitable "damn it" to be verbalised, as it so often was in the crappy US drama series she watched in which the nice patients always died on the table.

* * *

Willow thought she was imagining what she needed to hear in amongst all of the pain and worry she was feeling.

Jenny forced Willow's chin upwards so she could see Tara sitting staring at her.

She crawled over to Tara's sofa as best she could, continuously clutching at her own chest.

Inhaling loudly trying to keep herself conscious through the pain.

* * *

"Charged at 260 again, stand clear!" Dr Russell called loudly.

Again shooting electrical currents through Willow's body.

The machine continued its tedious beeping, all of the nurses watching it intently for any slight change.

* * *

Buffy was no longer able to continue her mantra clearly through the sobs that caught in her throat.

Giles kneeled on the floor in front of her and held her closely. He himself not sure what was currently happening, but sure that the slayers were able to hear Willow's room from there.

He tried to stop himself from crying, thinking that Willow's body had given up, and the redhead was no longer with them.

He managed to just about contain his emotion, readily there to support his slayer in her time of need.

Faith stood at the entrance of the waiting room unable to hear over Buffy's new wave of sobs.

She tried to think back to all of the television she had watched as to how any times they would shock someone that was probably already a goner.

She silently prayed in her head to any deity she knew of, but didn't yet believe in, that they wouldn't just stop there.

That they wouldn't just let Willow die without a damn good fight.


	16. Reunited

**Chapter 16: Reunited**

Luna's head flew up at hearing her daughters voice.

Pushing Joyce off her she ran towards her baby girl. She wanted nothing more than to hold her girl after what she thought had happened, but this wasn't her moment.

Right now, the look of both of them being in so much pain was sobering, she needed to get Willow and Tara together. They desperately needed to hold each other.

Calling for help from the other women, they managed to just about lift Willow closer to the sofa, with a lot of effort they placed her body on top of Tara's.

* * *

Tara looked deep into green orbs and temporarily forgot about the blinding pain she was experiencing.

Her soul mate was in pain, and she was here, which meant that Willow had indeed succeeded in killing herself.

Tara was relieved, but didn't have enough time to let it flow through her body, as she was instantaneously running short on oxygen.

She realised that this was because of Willow's crushing hug, and she laughed loudly.

* * *

Willow was trying to remain conscious, the pain was so blindingly bad that she wasn't sure if she was coping well. But when she looked straight into baby blue eyes, the pain almost vanished.

She had waited for this moment, prayed for this moment, dreamt of this moment, but now that it was here she had no idea what to say or do.

Doing the only thing that she knew how at the precise moment, she wrapped her arms around Tara's back and held on for dear life... or dear death... Regardless, she held on tightly.

Hearing her girlfriend laugh, she pushed herself backwards, leaving her arms draped around her shoulders but so she could look straight into her eyes at the same time.

* * *

Tara exhaled and gave her infamous half smile.

It had been a long time since she had seen Willow look this good. Despite how pale the redhead was and how much she had been crying, this was actually the best she had looked in a year.

Her eyes had that sparkle back in them, and her smile was contagiously honest.

"Welcome to Heaven." Tara breathed.

Feeling a worse pain shoot through her chest, but not having the ability to focus on anything other than Willow in her arms, she continued.

"It's not usually this painful." She joked.

Willow was too stunned to speak. That voice was majestic, it soothed her completely.

She wasn't sure if she should just smile, sob or snog the crap out of Tara, but she knew right now that coherently creating sentences was well beyond her abilities.

Hearing Tara make a joke decided her reaction for her.

She let out a small chuckle, instantly following it up with tears.

Tara's hands were already rubbing the tears away, before Willow was even sure they had fallen.

"God it's good to be able to feel you." Tara breathed onto Willow's neck as she pulled her closer for another cuddle.

"I was always so close to you, I could imagine what it felt like, but couldn't actually feel it."

Leaving a small kiss on Willow's jaw she continued.

"It was better than I imagined." Her voice smooth and calming.

She couldn't resist any longer, placing her hands on the back of Willow's head she guided their faces together. It did not take long before they were both lost in the kiss.

It was probably one of the most gentle kisses they had ever shared with each other, often finding themselves getting lost in the heat of the moment, but right now, it was all they needed, and it was perfect.

It held all of the love that they wanted to express, but knew was no longer necessary to show. They both knew unconditionally, they were meant for each other. Made for each other. Literally loved each other more than life.

Pulling apart when their need for oxygen became too great, they rested their foreheads together. Content with just being close, and inhaling each others air.

Looking deep into meadow green, Tara purred, "I love you Willow Rosenberg. I always have, and I always will."

Willow's tears streamed once again, she inhaled deeply to calm her shaky voice before replying. "I love you Tara Maclay. Please don't ever leave me again."

Tara chuckled softly, "Never again beautiful." Shaking her head softly she reiterated,

"Never, ever, ever again my Willow tree. I promise you that."

* * *

Dr Russell sighed. Looking down at the small, young redhead that laid there, he had no choice. He had to continue, despite the usual protocol in these cases saying that three should be the absolute maximum attempts.

Something was willing him to just try once more, spurring him into action he charged the defibrillator to the maximum recommended 360 joules.

"Charged to 360. Clear!" The nurses seemed shocked, but moved away once again regardless. Despite their own knowledge of what should be done, the Doctor was the one in charge. So they followed, knowingly breaking hospital protocol.

* * *

Tara's smile soon disappeared, being replaced with an intense grimace. She held her chest tightly whilst looking directly into Willow's soulful green eyes.

This was an epic déjà vu moment, the irony of which was lost on Tara as she lost all consciousness once again.

* * *

Willow's machine came to life once more, her previous still heart rate line now bouncing up and down in rapid incomplete triangles.

Faith heard the beeping and walked back into the waiting room with a smile on her face. It was soon lost as she looked down at Buffy and Giles still embracing, both almost drowning in tears. She tried to interrupt the moment with a loud throat clearance, but failed.

Realising that she would need to be a little bit more obvious, she bounced on her toes, clapping her hands first in front of her, then behind her before repeating the action again.

"So erm..." She waited for them to realise that she was still there, and at that moment was actually speaking to them. When they seemed to register that they were not alone in the room, Faith continued. "Erm, Red's alive, but still not awake." She calmly spoke.

Faith was surprised, not by the reaction that Giles and Buffy gave, that was obvious and predictable, but by her reaction to their reaction.

Breaking out into a small grin, she realised that she really was one of the good guys now.


	17. Goosebumps

**Chapter 17: Goosebumps**

Willow realised that Tara hands were no longer holding her, long before she heard gasps, even before she realised that she had fallen onto the sofa. It was as if she fell forward onto her hands in slow motion, having enough time to properly land without injuring herself further that day.

The pain in her chest had been extreme, it was now gone but was replaced with a dull ache, and the fear that the pain would return any second. Moving a stabilising hand to her chest, she realised that the pain really had gone for the time being, and it wasn't just her imagination playing tricks on her.

Looking straight down at the patterns of the sofa cushion, she realised that Tara was no longer sat where she had been not 5 seconds ago. Her head bounced up, wondering how the hell Tara had moved so quickly without her realising it.

Spinning her head around she tried her damndest to find her girlfriend, but she was nowhere to be seen.

As if she were a small infant or an animal, she clawed at the sofa where her treat had previously been.

Even going as far to dumbly lift the cushion with one hand and poke her head under it in search for her.

Lifting her head up again, she tried to brainstorm through what the hell had just happened. Her hand moved from her chest and had now become an acting prop, acting out what she had been previously doing.

When her head and hand movements lulled, she gave the most innocent confused look she had ever given.

* * *

Tara's eyes opened slowly, her fingers still digging into the skin surrounding her heart harshly. Easing her grip slightly, it took her a split second to realise that she was no longer in pain.

She wondered if she had passed out from the pain and that was why everything was so dark.

When no one called out to her, and she felt no contact from anyone, she realised something was very very wrong.

One again Tara was plunged into complete darkness. Utter confusion surrounded her.

She softly bit the corner of her lip and closed her eyes tight. Trying her best to remember what she had been doing before she was back in darkness, her brow knitting together in concentration.

For the life of her, or the death of her she could not remember a thing.

* * *

Strolling into the redhead's hospital room again, Faith went to take up a seat next to her comatose friend... Acquaintance... Friend of a friend... She took a seat next to Willow.

Or at least she tried to sit, but shifted her body weight instantly when she felt Buffy pushing her off the intended seat.

She huffed quietly and moved to the other side of the bed, taking a defensive stance in the corner.

Buffy looked at Willow, then looked to the heart rate monitor, it was still bouncing up and down in incomplete triangles but was not as fast as it had been previously. She looked at the peaks and falls for a few seconds before truly believing that Willow was definitely alive.

Looking back to Willow's face, she also knew that Willow definitely wasn't awake.

She wasn't sure if she was happier that something had at least happened, and she knew that Willow's body was fighting to keep her alive, or if it made it worse that Willow had temporarily given up. Again.

Giles stood in the doorway, relieved beyond all measure that his unofficially-adopted daughter was alive. He had believed that she would have woken up by now, or at least had hoped for it. He realised his medical knowledge was absolutely minimal, but he felt that she had been asleep for far longer than necessary, and that her body should have recovered by now.

His face turned into an uncomfortable frown, she had been so close to dying. They really needed to do a better job of looking after people in their little group/alternative-family-dynamics.

Giles mused this new name, no it just doesn't have the same ring to it as the Scoobies. Damn it.

Buffy started muttering to her best friend quietly. She grasped Willow's hand in both of hers, before slowly running her fingertips up Willow's arm. Trying to gage a normal reflexive action, something to show that she was still somewhere in there.

* * *

Tara knelt on the floor, hands clasped together, fingers interlocked and she did something that she had not done since she was a child.

"Hi God, it's me." She blushed lightly at how stupid she sounded before continuing.

"Me being Tara. Tara Maclay." She gave a small nervous smile and exhaled loudly.

"So I haven't prayed to you since I was about 10, but I think now is a perfect time to take it up again."

Licking her lips before planting her teeth gently into the right bottom corner.

"You see, I don't really know what's going on. Well I don't know at all actually."

Tears began to slide down her cheeks.

"I don't want to admit it to Momma, but I'm sca-..."

Her voice broke off before she could finish the word. Splitting her palms and wiping her eyes on her sleeve she tried again.

"I'm scared God. I'm alone, and I might be blind, and I'm dead. But if I were dead, I figure that I'd probably be someplace good. I know I have done bad, and maybe this is my punishment."

Tara stopped talking. Wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans before resting her hands on her thighs.

"Just please, if I'm not bad. Just give me a sign that I'm going to be okay."

When nothing happened, Tara cried harder.

"Okay well, thank you for listening anyway, I realise you're busy, so it meant a lot." She drifted off lamely.

She was about to allow herself to succumb to complete misery and break down into uncontrollable sobs, but stopped herself when she felt a strange sensation.

It felt like her hand was being cradled and her arm being smoothed. It was warm and gratifying.

Checking that it wasn't imagined she looked down at her left arm and stared in disbelief at the hairs that stood on end.

Looking at her other arm, she checked that it was not just because she was cold or scared, but when no hairs were on end she gladly took it as what she had asked for.

Inhaling softly and letting out a weak smile, she whispered to the ceiling,

"Thank you."


	18. Whimpers

**Chapter 18: Whimpers**

Looking down at the goosebumps on Willow's arm, Buffy felt a whole new wave of emotion flow through her. Idly smoothing a finger tip over the tips of the hairs, she began to cry again.

It was not her normal tears falling softly making pathways down her cheeks, followed by smooth whimpers of sadness. It was an all out waterfall of tears, snot and deep painful squawks.

Pulling her arm back from the redhead she wrapped both arms around herself, trying her very best to imitate a human cocoon.

She made no effort to hide her tears, wipe her snot or quieten her sobs, she just called out Willow's name to any deity that would take it.

She completely broke down, right there and then. In the hospital chair that she had pretty much lived in for the past week. In front of the other slayer she had stabbed and put in a coma. In front of her comatose best friend.

Wow this really was an all time low for her.

Normally such a revelation regarding the utterly embarrassing moment would be enough to pull her out of her wallowing. But right now, it wasn't enough. And she continued to just cry louder.

Giles initially just stared in disbelief at Buffy. He had seen her cry a thousand times over, but never had her cry been filled with such passive sorrow. His empathic heart crushed under the sobbing noises, he could not bare this.

Using all of his fatherly courage, he strode straight to the chair, picked up the petite blonde and held her close to his chest. If nothing else, it at least muffled the loud sobs.

* * *

Faith looked at the scene like it was part of a play.

Her mouth was open in shock, and she looked very comical for the usually stoic slayer.

She too had seen Buffy cry on many occasions, sometimes even taking pleasure of being the cause of the tears. But right now. This was different. This was like, she felt sad for Buffy, felt sad with Buffy, like it was hard to look at her without feeling at a complete loss of what to do.

_Jesus Christ I miss not having feelings._

* * *

Tara's heart shattered a little more at the crying she heard. The woman crying was obviously in deep distress.

Trying her best to listen whilst being confused at the same time she called to the darkness,

"It's okay, it's going to be okay."

At hearing the sobs once more she tried again.

"Are you stuck here too?" She asked in a controlled whisper.

Again, no reply. Placing her arms around herself, she whispered one last message,

"I know how you feel."

* * *

Giles clung to Buffy for as long as he could, her sobs seemed to be settling down for the moment, and were instead placed with her usual crying whimpers.

Pulling away and wiping at her face in one swift movement she looked deep into Giles' eyes.

He was a man who rarely cried, always trying to keep his British stiff upper lip even when the odds were severely against him, but right now, he too was crying.

A few errant tears had slipped from the corners of his eyes, and his eyebrows were crestfallen.

Looking back at his slayer, he was at a loss of what to do.

This was a problem that not even his watcher skills could aid. He just needed to be there for Buffy, there for all of the group.

He realised that the other Scoobies had not even been made aware of Willow's almost death and he knew that he would need to tell them the bad news.

* * *

As if reading Giles' mind, Buffy verbalised what they needed to do.

"Someone should ring the others, tell them about Willow."

He looked down at his slayer, his pride radiating from his features at her thoughtfulness for others, even when she was at her lowest.

"Yes, I'll go now." He pulled his arms from around Buffy's neck.

"That is if you are okay for the moment?"

His eyes glanced at the dark slayer stood awkwardly in the corner of the room, providing a small faux smile to her. The question was not only referencing his slayers sadness but also that he would need to leave her alone with Faith for the time being.

Faith soon realised and saw this as a way out of the complete mess that was happening around her. Offering her services immediately,

"I can call them if you want? Leave you two alone for a bit?"

Buffy looked hopeful, but soon realised that it was not an appropriate call for Faith to make.

"I think one of us should do it." Pointing to herself and Giles' lamely.

"It would be weird." She trailed off in a small voice. Her tone was not mean, but seemed genuinely grateful for the offer, if not a little surprised at the genorisity of the other slayer.

Despite the tone, it was like a smack in the face for Faith. Well, an unpleasant smack in the face, one that wasn't about to be followed with an ass kicking and dusty goodness.

She really was trying her very best to be helpful, but was being shot down at every turn.

"I'll go." Giles confirmed, with a final squeeze of Buffy's shoulder.

Turning himself and making his way to the door, he allowed himself one more look at the 3 women in the room.

Willow laid there still and silent, Buffy continued sniffling and Faith provided a small uncomfortable smile at him.

It was like they had all swapped places.

Best get back soon, he mused.


	19. Narration

**Chapter 19: Narration**

Faith was more than used to silence, and generally it was preferred to small talk, especially when it came to talking with the goody goodies of the Scooby gang. But right now it was just uncomfortable.

She opted that the new her, the good her, the almost caring her, should learn to talk to people.

"It'll work itself out ya know."

Buffy barely bothered to raise her head, she was quite content with sitting in silence. Well, in her mind it wasn't silent, she was thinking about all of her fuck ups whilst planning what she would say to Willow if the redhead ever actually woke up.

She murmured a sound in reply. It was a sound between a scoff and a sarcastic ummhmm.

Faith thought she'd try again, she realised that Buffy was probably on some inner voice guilt trip, and figured she'd at least try to stop it. Also in doing so, it would challenge the painful silence in the room. Her intentions were not completely selfless, she didn't want to use all of her goodness in one sitting.

"It always works out with you lot." At the lack of any reply, not even a strange murmur she continued.

"The good guys always get their happy ending."

Buffy knew Faith was trying, but it did not make her feel any better. It just angered her that Faith thought she had a right to speak to her about this.

"Yea because nothing bad ever happens to any of us." She stated with oozing sarcasm, looking Faith straight in the eye as her eyebrow rose in conjunction.

Faith looked at the floor, not able to keep eye contact just yet. She cleared her throat and tried to moisten her mouth, only realising that it had become completely bone dry.

"I er..." She looked up at Buffy. The face that Buffy saw was not Faith's usual confident slayer look, but one that held regret and worry.

Clearing her throat again, ridding herself of the overly hoarse voice she had produced, she carried on,

"I'm sorry B, about all the shit I put you through."

Buffy looked shell-shocked, Faith was apologising, Faith never apologised. Before she had a chance to even register what she should say in reply, she spoke up again,

"I know you ain't forgiven me yet, and that's cool. I been through a lot of shit since, and I'm different now, ya know? I'm not the same old Faith. Just gimme a chance to show ya."

Misreading Buffy's open-mouthed glare, thinking that she was about to get yelled at, she instantly held her gaze with the floor again.

"Or not, ya know whatever. I can just go if you want."

"I know you've changed."

Faith looked up at this, hope evident in her eyes.

"I just don't know if you've changed enough."

Pulling back her almost emotional slip up, she shrugged a shoulder in reply.

"You did some awful shit to us Faith, to me, to Angel." Gulping lightly, Buffy continued.

"To Willow." Her eyes rested on the fragile redhead.

Faith's eyes followed, taking in the sight of Willow made her realise how weak she actually looked. Why take on someone so weak? How fair was that?

"We tried to make you one of the Scoobies, and you threw it back in our face. Along with several punches."

Faith couldn't help but raise her lips in a smile at this. Not in satisfaction at causing the pain, but in the joking manner in which Buffy now spoke.

Lifting her head, Buffy gave a small smile.

"We just gotta give you some time. See if you can fit back into the Scooby way."

Faith looked completely relieved. It had not gone how she had expected it to go, but it was at least a start. A start with little yelling, or getting beaten to a bloody pulp.

"So tell me what happened to Red here. Jeeves weren't feeling overly chatty on the ride down."

Buffy grimaced at the familiar nicknames that she hadn't heard in too long. Perhaps strangely she had missed Faith's company, maybe not a whole lot, but she at least missed Faith's straight-to-the-point'edness.

Something which the Scoobies really lacked in, always pussyfooting around the important subjects. It was refreshing, and she figured it might help them all out if they were a little more blunt.

Okay apart from Anya, she was plenty blunt enough.

"Willow erm, Jesus she's been through hell. You knew Tara right?"

Saying the name still caused a twinge in Buffy's heart, she had really confided in Tara, and they had begun to get really close just before her demise. It wasn't until she was gone, that Buffy realised how important to the group she had been.

Faith grimaced, shy stuttering lesbian Tara whom she had teased when fucking about in Buffy's body at the bronze. Not wanting to revel in her guilt for too much longer, she gave a small and uncommitted nod.

Buffy saw the pain in Faith's face, and mirrored it in her own.

"Well she died. Got shot. By a group of nerds. Willow went kinda crazy."

Grabbing the redhead's hand she held it tightly before continuing.

"Tried to destroy the World. Ah should probably mention, she got kinda addicted to magic, of the dark variety."

Her face contorting in disgust as she retold the story.

"Tara left her for it, Will went to a magic dealer to get her high, kept going. Eventually got off the magic, Tara came back for a erm, rendez-vous."

Checking with the other slayer that she understood what she meant, she saw that Faith had no clue.

"Ya know, Tara slept over." Her eyebrow hitched and her face fell forward, as if she were saying the most obvious answer in the world.

Faith clicked on. "They fucked?"

Smiling she replied,

"Yea, well no. They never fucked, they always. Jesus Faith, they were like the cutest couple in the world. Definitely a soul mate bond. I don't think soul mates just fuck, I think they ya know, 'made love'."

Highlighting the last part with air quotes and smiling honestly for the first time in a week.

"Tara was Willow's world, and vice versa. Tara got shot, Willow tried to end the World, Xander saved her and us. And she's been in a constant state of funk. Drinking herself stupid most nights, sobbing until she passed out. And then..."

Buffy stopped. She had been telling the story in jest, as if it hadn't happened in her life, but had been read in a book.

Reality sprung back in the form of tears and she realised how she sounded. Speaking bluntly did not suit her at all, it felt more like a narration of her life, than her speaking.

Unsuccessfully fighting back tears she turned it more into a personal story,

"Willow, Jesus, she was hurting so badly and we all just ignored her. So fucking fed up of her constant whining, and we just drifted apart. Ignoring her most days. Letting her get drunk, just because at least then she slept. At least we didn't have to listen to her go on. And if we had just talked more. If I had just opened up to her about it all. Told her that I knew how she felt, because I missed Tara as well. Missed her with a hole in my chest. Weighed down by guilt because I didn't save her, because I didn't kill Warren before that. Because I let Willow kill Warren and Rack, and I should have killed them, or done something, something to save Willow. To keep her with us. If she hadn't have killed them maybe she wouldn't have tried this. If I had killed them before, Tara would still be here and she would have kept Tara grounded, she would have kept her here, and Tara could hold us all together. Because she was always the glue, my God that sounds stupid, but she was. You could always rely on her, and she knew everything about everyone, she knew everything about me and she still loved me, but we fucked it all up so bad and she's dead, and Willow's going to die and everything's fallen apart. Everything had turned to..."

Faith had not expected this. She didn't think Buffy would tell her anything, never mind tell her everything. She had never heard Buffy say so much at once, and it was strange and new. Her sitting there crying whilst spewing out her feelings was making Faith really uncomfortable, it was like she wanted to help her but just didn't know how.

She debated hugging her briefly.

When Buffy continued mumbling information that she couldn't make out between the sobs, her decision was made for her.

Walking over to Buffy's side of the room, she slapped her hard across the face. Buffy stilled instantly, stopped speaking, stopped crying, just stared at Faith in shock.

In one swift move Faith pulled Buffy out of the chair, put her arms around Buffy's neck and pulled her face to hers.

Their lips collided brutally. It would have bruised anyone else, but for the two slayers, it just felt rough.

Rough and great.


	20. Kiss

**Chapter 20: Kiss**

It took a few minutes, but Buffy eventually realised what was going on. Who she was stood kissing at Willow's bedside.

"What the hell are you doing?! Why the fuck did you kiss me Faith?!" She screamed, pushing Faith with such force that the other slayer almost fell on her ass.

Faith wasn't really sure what the answer should be. She really had no clue why she'd kissed Buffy. She had only meant to go over and give a friendly hug so that Buffy would shut the hell up about her guilt... Well mostly she'd gone over to stop her crying. To just make it stop before Buffy tried to slit her wrists right there and then in front of Faith.

Faith held her index and middle finger to her lips, savouring the very last of the painful tingling that had been there a few seconds ago.

"Jesus B, I'm sorry. I dunno why I even did that."

Reaching out with her hand, she tried to soothe Buffy's shoulder. Catching herself before Buffy did, she pulled it straight back and put it in her jeans pocket.

_What the fuck am I doing?!_ _Why did I just kiss B? Why did I like kissing B?!  
_**  
**"I just, I can't deal with this." Buffy slumped down in to the chair. Guilt keeping her grounded more than gravity ever could.

"I got carried away B, I din't wanna see you cry anymore."

It was hard to tell who was more shocked at Faith's admission. Buffy or herself.

"Just forget it ever happened, k?"

"God Faith, I'm just so tired. I can't deal with this shit as well."

Faith bravely walked closer to Buffy, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She realised it was probably audible to Buffy, but couldn't quite gain enough calm to make it less crazy in the short walk.

Crouching on the floor, she placed her knees beneath her. Slowly and cautiously she held Buffy's hands in hers, smoothing her thumbs over Buffy's palms.

Buffy realised she had not been touched this tenderly by anybody before, never mind by Faith.

Catching her rising anger in her throat, she looked deep into chocolatey brown eyes.

"B, please go home, get some rest." Faith's eyes were so pleading and true that it took all of Buffy's control to not just cry at the look.

"I can't." She loosened Faith's grip on her hand and gestured towards the bed.

"I have to stay, what if she...?" Buffy hadn't managed to finish her sentence, Faith interrupted her before she could complete it.

"I'll look after Red. Anything happens, I'll call." Slightly taken aback by the seriousness of her voice she tried to change it to a more comfortable joking tone.

"Or at least I will if you drop me a few bucks for the phone."

Faith dropped Buffy's hands, realising that she had taken the other back as soon as Buffy had brought it back from pointing to Willow.

She unhooked her knees from beneath her and jumped to her feet, walking to the other side of the room, back to her trusty corner. Faith thought the conversation was over and a resolution had been settled. She was not at all expecting Buffy's hurtful tone that all but resonated through the room.

"You can't just come here and take everything away from me! You can't just suddenly show up and be the good guy!"

"B, I'm not trying to tak..."

"Shut up Faith! Stop having a comeback to everything!"

Never one to lose an argument, Faith felt herself getting pissed off. Her heart rate began to up itself again, blood pumping frantically around her body preparing for the fight. Her body had never been able to distinguish the verbal fights to those of the physical variety. So her body's preparations were always the same. Taking on a more feral stance to before, she shouted back.

"B look at you! You've gone fucking crazy from sleep dep. Go home, go sleep, go read, go kill, whatever just step away from Red's side. This place is gonna make you fucking insane."

"Well you'd know all about going insane!"

"B! Fuck! Just go home!"

Giles stood in the doorway after hearing shouting throughout the hospital corridor. He had tried to be quick on the calls, but obviously hadn't quite been fast enough. He entered the room seeing no actual physical violence ensuing.

"Both of you stop it now." He called. His voice loud but controlled.

"Go home B, before you beat Jeeves some more, or another of your sidekicks."

Buffy rapidly turned around, she stared straight at Giles. She hadn't even noticed, she hadn't even thought to check with all the commotion before. She had beaten up her Watcher and not even asked if he was okay.

Studying his face she saw that he was beginning to bruise from her attack. His cheek was swollen, and a small cut covered the bridge of his nose. His stance showed that he had a pain in his side, his arm subconsciously covering it for protection.

Buffy reached out her hand to Giles' face, but he flinched away from her touch. Her hands immediately covered her mouth in shock and disgust at herself and she tried to not cry anymore that day.

"Giles take B home. I'll watch Red."

Buffy no longer had the energy to fight, the events of the past week catching up to her in such force that she almost buckled under own weight. Laying an arm around her shoulder he pulled her closer, beginning the walk to take her home.

He stopped at the doorway once again, leaving Buffy resting against the doorframe. He walked to Faith, handed her a 20 and a few odd coins he had in his pocket before nodding his head in thanks and goodbye.


	21. Awake

**Chapter 21: Awake**

Taking another bite of a large BLT and mayo baguette, Faith had to disagree with all the moaning about hospital food: It was way better than prison food. Gulping down the final remains of the cold Red-Eye that she had had to put together herself — following an argument with the barista/waitress that it should always be on the list, it is a real coffee, and that the old bitch should know coffee if she plans to make a career out of it — whilst swallowing her final bite of BLT, Faith resigned herself to the fate of bedsitting for many more hours again. She grabbed a large pack of a chips and a can of soda from the vending machine and began making her way back to the room.

A few corridors down from Willow's room, Faith could hear the recognisable sound of a flat lining machine, and began jogging to Willow's room. "Shit, don't be Red, don't be Red." She muttered under her breath as she ran, her items held forgotten in her hands.

Reaching the corridor it was clear by the number of nurses running in and out of the room that it was Willow who was flat lining again. Placing herself against the wall of the corridor, out of the way of the army of nurses who were running around frantically, Faith cringed at the situation,  
"Fuck."

* * *

"Fuck!" Willow screamed, her breath coming fast and shallow as she struggled to remain conscious with the pain flowing through her body. She was somewhat aware of people around her, supporting her from falling but didn't have time to air her thankfulness as another excruciating bout of pain smacked her deep in the chest.

"What the fuck is happening? Why is this hurting so much?" She just about managed to ask, her teeth clenched in agony.

Luna was beyond worried, something terrible was happening and none of them knew what it was. All they knew was that Willow was in Heaven despite her body still being on Earth, and that Tara had appeared, died again, resurrected her dead self and then disappeared. Something was quite obviously not right about this situation.

"Joyce, go down and check on them."Luna ordered softly.

Joyce nodded, walking away to the other side of the lounge-like-simulation place.  
Closing her eyes and holding her hands out in front of her, palms touching, fingers woven together, she whispered Buffy's name. Bringing her eyes closed tighter, and holding the praying position until her knuckles turned completely white, she disappeared.

"Jenny, go check on Faith, I'll stay with Willow." Reluctantly Jenny nodded, her eyes glancing once again at the redhead in severe pain. Worried that she may disappear before her return, Jenny wondered over and gave the redhead a quick peck on the forehead.

"Hang in there." She whispered in her ear.

Repeating the same actions as Joyce, Jenny held her hands in front of her, envisioned Faith on the inside of her eyelids and called out to her before disappearing as well.

* * *

Tara's chest burned with such intensity that she saw pure white. She couldn't decide whether to shield her eyes or her chest, neither of which really made a difference. She settled for her elbow to wrist over her eyes, and rested her other hand on the shirt above her heart. Tears streamed down the sides of her face, pooling into hairs behind her ears.

She wasn't sure what she had done to deserve such punishment in her afterlife, but figured it must have been for a reason. Giving herself up to the fates she moved both hands and stared at the whiteness that surrounded her. She tried her damndest to separate her soul from the body so she couldn't feel the intensity of the pain anymore.

Astral projection was something that she had often tried but had never managed to do properly. Rarely getting past the feeling of floating whilst falling asleep in bed, she wished so badly that she could separate right now. If she weren't dead, she probably would have wished for death to claim her, anything to subdue the pain.

* * *

"Okay she's flatlining, I need the defib stat." Waiting for the nurse to set up the machine and pass the paddles over before Dr Russell continued.  
"Charging at 200! Charged! Clear!" He shouted clearly to all in the room.  
The paddles sending a very brief shock to Willows body, the effect immediately obvious by the rhythmic beeping that came from the heart monitor. The nurses stood around the redhead, prodding and probing with all kind of instruments to check that everything was in the normal levels after the second scare she had had since her arrival.

* * *

Faith visibly breathed easily at the sound of the beeps coming from the redheads room. Once again she was at least awake. Faith paled, her mind rushing with choices of whether to lie or to be honest.

_I gotta call B, I gotta tell her what happened and that Red's awake. Shit, B's gonna kill me, she's gonna wanna know what happened, and I'm gonna havta say I was too busy stuffing myself and getting my caffeine fix to watch her dying wiccan. She's probably gonna kill me with a damn heart monitor lodged in to my skull. Fuck. I could lie, I could tell her that I was there or that I ran out to get the..._

Faith was interrupted as a nurse noticed had standing in the corridor.

"Are you here with Rosenberg?" She asked, her thumb gesturing behind her to Willow's room.

"Yea." Faith replied simply, wondering what the nurse wanted.

"You realise visiting hours ended hours ago?" The nurse asked, her tone showing signs of annoyance.

"Yea well, I gotta watch her." One of Faith's eyebrows flying high on her forehead. She had been there for two days, Buffy had been there for a week before. Faith hadn't even realised there were visiting hours here, if she had known she probably would have sneaked around more.

"I need you to leave." The nurse rudely placed a hand on Faith's arm and guided her to the exit.  
Faith went along with the nurse, biting her tongue to not snap at her for touching her, and clenching her hands around her chips and soda to avoid smacking the bitch in the face.

_Good people don't smack annoying nurses in the face, fighting for redemption Faith, gotta be a good girl, no smacking the wench. Just smile, nod, walk out, then come back._ A sickly sweet smile appeared on Faith's face it looked odd and was visibly forced, in fact it looked somewhat painful, like her face wasn't used to contorting in such a manner.

Faith decided to pop out for a smoke, ring Buffy then come back and check on Red for the rest of the night.

* * *

Willow's pain disappeared immediately. A frightening thought ran through her mind at Concorde speed... After realising that she probably was not suddenly and randomly paralysed, Willow exhaled.

Sweaty palms clinging to her chest, tear paths over her cheeks, bloody protruding from her bottom lip from biting down too hard. She was not a pretty picture. Her eyes moved past Luna stood in front of her and realised that the mist that usually surrounded the place had disappeared. Everything was now in perfect clarity. Looking up to meet Luna's eyes she smiled softly.

"The mist's gone." She stated randomly, afterwards wondering why she thought that was the most important thing to say at that particular surreal moment in time.

"Completely?" Luna asked softly.

At Willow's nod, Luna broke into complete and unrestrained sobs.

* * *

Faith sat once again at Willow's bedside. Her plan to get back into the building without being detected was completely unnecessary. She simply walked back onto the ward and then walked straight in to Willow's room. No one gave her a second glance or even debated stopping her. In hindsight she wondered if her carefully laid out plan would have worked anywhere, shame, Faith had always fancied skydiving.

The phone call with Buffy had gone as expected, she had been sad, then pissed, then sad again. Faith had mostly stayed silent while Buffy completely slated everything she had ever done, and the pent up frustration was planning to overthrow her bored and energized body.

Looking down at Willow, she remembered that Buffy had asked her to do something.

Faith glanced towards the closed door to the room checking her solidarity, before completing what was asked of her.

"Alright, so don't think I'm like wicked weird, but B asked me to do this Red. I know I ain't usually one for following orders but I already fucked up today and I don't wanna add any more fuel to the fire or whatever okay? I'm real sorry I wasn't here when you died again. I shoulda been, I know we ain't exactly friends but I made a promise and I probably shoulda stuck to it so yea, sorry about that. And ya know, back in the day, I'm sorry for what I did then as well. Ya know with the knife thing, and the mayor and kidnapping Joyce and stuff. But I'm different now. If you ever wake up you might even see it. I got one more thing to say, and don't make me feel like a twat for saying it, I really hope you can actually hear me. Hurry the fuck up and wake up, B is going crazy without you. She's blaming herself for what you did, and I'm pretty sure you being like this is killin' her. So wake the fuck up now. She told me to tell you that she erm, fuck, that she loves you and she wants you home."

Faith begrudgingly held Willow's hand, it was awkward but was also quite comforting to her.

"So yea, that's my message. I'll shut up now."

Faith sat there for a few seconds still holding Willow's hand before feeling like an idiot and releasing it. As she let go the heart monitors beeping increased and the triangles were going intensely fast. The redhead's body shuffled around softly, her hand grasping out to reach Faith's hand even though it had moved.

Faith stood up at the side of the bed and looked down at Willow, but when her eyes opened, Faith was staring in to the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

"Holy clusterfuck Blondie!" Faith screamed out.

The blonde's eyes struggled to focus, squinting at the harsh light that hit her eyes, she managed to just about see Faith staring down at her.

"Hi." She croaked out, hoarse from the lack of liquids down her throat for over a week. Faith jumped around the bed, pouring some water into a plastic cup and guiding it to Tara's mouth.

"Thanks." Tara just about managed to hoarsely say.

"Jesus Blondie. Red was there and then you. What the fuck just happened?"

Faith was met with a quizzical reply.

"You don't know? You were Red and now you're you." Faith's hands frantically waved around trying to point to where Willow had previously been laid.

Tara stared dumbfounded for a few more seconds, looking at Faith's animated hand movements.

"Are you speaking English?"

Faith laughed out loud at the slightly less croaked question presented to her. Not quite sure what was happening she found the situation pretty interesting and apparently rather funny.

"Haha, I just, you were Willow."

Faith's laughter stopped immediately when she heard the next word that changed the situation from being funny to heartbreakingly ironic.

"Who?"


	22. Carriage

**Chapter 22: Carriage**

"Well that throws a plumber in the works." Faith answered combining her words with a cringe.

"Spanner." Tara replied with a hint of a smile. She just couldn't help it.

"Whatever Blondie. I should really call B." Making her way to the corridor, Faith was dead set on finding a phone and passing the buck to Buffy, the original slayer of the generation, the real slayer. But she figured in this situation, she might actually know best. Turning around at the door, she pulled herself back into the room. With all the honest caring ability she could muster, she prepared herself to ask a question.

"So, erm, are you feeling alright?" One foot was kicking an imaginary item on the floor, her eyes staring downwards not quite able to make eye contact and be unembarrassed at the same time.

"Bit sore, mostly confused." Tara replied honestly noticing the sudden awkwardness of the slayer in the room, and with her own usual kindness she continued, "Are you okay?"

"Five by five. Reckon you can manage gettin' outta here?"

Tara's head dropped, her dark blonde hair curving her face, all of her features hidden but misery radiating off of her. Everything hurt and she was confused as hell, and now she was getting completely ditched in a hospital bed by a beautiful Boston brunette and told to go fend for herself. She didn't even bother to try and stop the tears that immediately fell, nodding her head emphatically at the same time.

"Yes, I'll be fine." She managed to mumble through her light sobs and tear stained hands. "Thank you for staying with me."

Faith stared gobsmacked, she was expecting a yes or a no, not a full blown breakdown. She froze unwillingly, before her instincts took place. She felt herself being drawn to the blonde and fought against herself to not just engulf her in an almighty hug - settling instead for a less awkward but still somewhat comforting shoulder pat.

Tara barely noticed, still crying into her hands, continuously nodding as if stuck in some sort of hitting rock-bottom loop. Faith's finger delved underneath Tara's chin bringing their eyes to look at each other,  
"I ain't sure what just happened, but I'm asking if you're okay to get outta here. Go home, eat somethin', stop hanging around hospital beds as a previously coma'd ginger chick."

At the lack of understanding yet hitting Tara, Faith continued, "Wanna go back to the Summer's residence Blondie?" Her eyes lighting immediately and the hint of a genuine smile peaking through her hardcore exterior as a flush climbed up Tara's face.

Tears still sliding down her cheeks, Tara chose not to hide her face as she may have previously done, instead looking straight into Faith's eyes and releasing a radiant smile.

"Oh yes please." She breathed softly, the words containing more strength than a hundred slayers. **  
**Pushing the light, almost pointless sheet off her body she tried to swing her legs from the bed, stopping after a small manoeuvre and pulling the sheet back over herself.

Faith stared questioningly, first at Tara's feet then at her head. "Problem?" She eventually asked when there had been no more progress attempted.

As red as a tomato Tara mumbled in to the sheet, "Would yhou leav pleaz?"

"Huh?"

Trying again, a little more assertively, "Would you leave please?"

"Er, sure, with you though..." Faith trailed off still not sure what was going on.

Tara was mortified, trying her very best not to break down sobbing uncontrollably again, "I erm, I have a private problem I need to, I need to take care off."

"Oookay?"

Faith still hadn't left and Tara was running out of patience.

"For Goddess sake!" Her voice hadn't raised that much, but it was still completely out of character. "I have a catheter, and I can't exactly bring it with me!"

Faith winced.

_Of course she had a catheter, she had been in a coma, well Red had been in a coma, but Blondie's body, well not the whole time. Oh for Christ's sakes Faith stop talking in your head and say something to her.  
_  
"Yea, I been there. Want me to get someone or talk ya through it?"

Faith's response had been completely unexpected, Tara's face not even attempting to hide the shock.  
"You've been there?" She asked tentatively.

"Yea, B stabbed me, I was in a coma. I wanted to get outta there asap. I ain't a nurse or anything but I can tell ya what not to do."  
**  
**Tara was gobsmacked, nodding her head Faith moved towards her and pulled the sheet down. Grabbing a pen knife out of her back pocket she handed it over opened, the silver blade obviously deadly if used right.

"Open up, pop it, breathe in, pull it and breathe out at the same time, it'll hurt like hell."

Faith's voice was confident leaving Tara thinking she probably hadn't only ever done this to herself once.

Trying to hide her embarrassment Tara followed Faith's instructions, the small balloon like insert popped inside her and she took a few calming breaths.

She was having a very strange day.

"Now yank it out."

Pulling the cord swiftly until it was out of her completely, Tara took a second to be thankful that it hadn't hurt at all... That was until she was hit with an almighty excruciating burning pain. Before she had even realised it was her that was screaming, Faith was in action, holding Tara's face into her shoulder effectively muting the sound – and holding her close.

Goddess did Tara appreciate the almost hug. It seemed to settle her emotional turmoil as well as the excruciating pain in her lower abdomen, she turned her head sideways and rested it there for a brief second before pulling away.

She regretted letting go of the almost hug, particularly when the pain came bouncing back full force. Faith remained close by, still leaning herself over Tara's body just in case she needed to scream in pain once more. When Tara's breathing became less laboured she backed away smiling, checking the sheets below her swiftly, she commented, "Nice one, no blood."

"Wow that really hurt." Tara mentioned unnecessarily, "I was hoping you were kidding about the pain."  
"No jokes. You good to get outta here or you need a min?"

"I'm good to go." Pulling down her hospital robe to try and cover herself. "These things are ridiculous." She complained light-heartedly.

Like the perfect gentlewoman Faith pulled her leather jacket off the back of the visitors chair and helped Tara put it on, it was a snug fit to say the least and didn't really cover much but at least it was something.

Placing her feet on the floor whilst carefully covering her stomach with an arm, Tara managed to stand for all of 2 seconds before falling backwards. Slapping her calves and thighs awake, she tried again. Faith managed to catch her before she fell on her ass, or more precisely landed on her nose and broke it.

Pushing her Tara back on to the bed and stepping backwards she smiled, "Wiggle your big toe Blondie."

Tara stared completely bewildered, "Huh?"

"Like in the movie? Kill Bill? Wiggled her toes in the Pussy Wagon?" She questioned, receiving another blank stare. "Forget it. So you wanna do this the easy way or the entertainin' way?"

"Explain both." For everything going completely wrong, fear of the almost paralysis and confusion of epic proportions, Tara had to admit she was at least having fun.

"Well, I could push ya outta here on wheels nice and slow like. Or I could carry ya out, show ya my sheer strength and speed with your ass feeling the cool breeze."

Hearing Tara laugh made the last few days completely worthwhile. She had been petrified to return to Sunnydale fearing for the worst, almost receiving a beating from Buffy, and stuck in a hospital room without being able to kill anything. Now here was a beautiful blonde who she was enjoying spending her time with, feeling pride that she could actually pass on some wisdom (something completely foreign to her) and apparently the beautiful blonde had completely forgiven her behaviour the first time they had met...

_Shit does she even know who I am?_ _How the hell has it taken me this long to question it?! Fuck Faith._

Faith placed an arm underneath Tara's legs and the other around her back, upon receiving a small nod and a slightly embarrassed chuckle, she lifted her with ease.

"Sorry for not sayin' before, I'm Faith."

Lacing her arms around Faith's neck just in case she was about to be dropped, Tara tenderly nodded and purred, "I know who you are."


	23. Dead

**Chapter 23: Dead**

Pulling her legs beneath her and building the momentum to swing herself into a sitting position whilst wiping her old tears on the back of her hand, Willow stared at Luna, a completely puzzled look on her face. She paused from asking any questions for a minute, quickly going over all of the recent events to make sure that she hadn't missed something painfully obvious. At the lack of anything extra springing to mind that would have just set Luna off again, she decided it was time to ask,

"Why are you crying?"

Taking an audible and almost painful dry gulp, Luna stared at Willow desperately trying not to throw her arms around her and suffocate the redhead. "You're dead." She breathed, obvious distress not allowing her to voice it clearly.

Now even more confused than before, she rubbed her forehead as if stimulating the skin would get her neurones moving and her knowledge intact. Now that the chest pains had subsided again, she became very aware of a throbbing headache. _Stress headaches in Heaven? This place is weird._

****"Well yea." More tears slid down the woman's face, her chin wobbling with the effort of keeping her emotions somewhat contained. "But we already knew that Luna."

It was hard to comfort someone who was crying for an unknown reason, especially when you felt like you had had 10 consecutive heart attacks and were bed ridden, or at least sofa ridden for a while... Actually it was kinda impossible to comfort someone this way.

Mustering all of the strength she could manage, Willow stood and slowly waddled over to her unofficial Mom-In-Law. Every single muscle, organ and cell screamed in pain as she clumsily strode towards Luna they were crying out for her to go back and settle, but she couldn't leave her distressed without offering physical comfort. Willow remembered how painful it was to not be felt by anybody when you were crying, and she didn't wish it on her worst enemy – Well perhaps her worst enemy, but he was gone now anyway.

Exhaling loudly trying to compensate for the small whining noise being made reflexively in her throat, she desperately didn't want to start crying again. She had cried far too much since she had been here, she had hoped that she was completely cried out, but to no such luck.

"Luna, look at me." Willow breathed close to Luna, her hand rested on her shoulder placing a gentle and comforting squeeze. Luna didn't look up, choosing instead to hold her torso with her arms, and face the floor. This pose was far too familiar, Tara really had been the spitting image of her Mum.

Willow took a second to appreciate how little her soul mate had in common with the man who had beaten her down for years after. It was like no genes had ever come from him at all, all of them instead coming from this blonde yet insecure mature angel.

Without pushing any further, Willow just dove into Luna's arms, soon folding herself to be engulfed by her Mother-In-Law. Luna held on to Willow as if her life depended on it. Willow's chest ache was not being improved by the bear like hug, but she didn't have the heart to pull away completely. Adjusting herself slightly, she managed to hold on whilst still having the ability to breathe.

Tippy toeing to her greatest height possible, she placed her mouth to Luna's ear. "Luna, it's okay. Everything will be okay." Willow said in her softest voice. She didn't receive the response she was looking for, instead managing to make Luna's sobs come faster and deeper than before.

_Damn._

Trying again, she pulled her head back from the embrace, her back looking strangely (and uncomfortably) curved.

"Talk to me. What is it?" Like trying to get blood from a stone, or an answer from Lassie.

_Wow that would have been really creepy if Lassie had just started talking. 'Timmy's trapped down the well you mook! Go rescue him!' Mook?! Why the fudge would Lassie say mook?! Oh yea that dog that everybody loved that grew up in the 20's... I really gotta stop thinking of Lassie and get back to the point. I'm dead? Okay, that I knew, that we all knew, so what's with the tears? The mist? Something to do with the mist, generally the mist is a bad thing. I mean come on nearly every single horror movie ever made could confirm that. I should probably stop calling it The. Mist. It makes it sound a bit strange, like a movie title. Like an enemy, and then The Mist attacked, dun dun duhhhh. Okay so, mist always equals a bad thing about to happen. A monster hiding, a vampire appearance, an evil ghost spirit. Oh maybe there were evil ghost spirit involved._

"Something to do with the mist?" She asked Luna, who hadn't answered Willow's previously asked question. Or hadn't answered as far as Willow knew anyway. Obviously having an inner monologue regarding Lassie was far more important than figuring out why her soul mates Mom had been crying.

Luna simply nodded, unable to express words probably.

"Not related to evil ghost spirits though right?" Luna spat out a small chuckle, her eyebrow rising asking an unvoiced question despite her current mini breakdown.

"Okay so that's a no. Just checkin'. Ya know it could've been." Willow replied with a shrugging shoulder. Reminding her once again that she was still holding on to a strange back bending pose. Shuffling her feet forward she hugged Luna close for a few seconds, trying to pass on all the love she could in the small gesture, before backing away to stand just in front of her.

Luna's sobs were not quite as bad as they had been, and Willow felt a small mental high five coming on at her accomplishment. Before she had time to start her victory dance, which was sure to get Luna smiling at her absurdness if nothing else, a loud crackling noise could be heard and she was sure the floor was vibrating.

Joyce appeared, her shaking hands held in front of her, her knuckles completely white, tear stains on her face. She looked awful. Luna ran to her side, grabbing her underarm to pull her to the sofa, Willow also moving as fast as she could to take some of the weight. Settling her down, Luna swiped the air and a bottle of water appeared, passing it straight to her.

"Ssh it's okay Joyce, you're back safe." Joyce continued shaking, glugging down the water passed to her. "You're safe, ssh."

Willow stood in front of the women on the sofa, Luna's arm holding on tight around Joyce's shoulders, her other hand gripping Joyce's still trembling hands. Willow stared in complete shock, unaware of what was happening here.

As if sensing Willow's concern, Joyce lifted her head, one hand reaching out to Willow's, "I'm alright, was just down there a while. The longer you're there for, the worse the travel sickness is."

"Travel sickness?!" Willow bit back, her hand already gripping on to Joyce's.

Luna looked up and smiled softly, "Well that's what we call it anyway, travelling from here to Earth can get a little painful, twist your tummy, metaphorically pull your limbs out of their sockets. The longer you stay down there, the worse it feels for the return journey. Plus the return journey is difficult, you have to know exactly where you're heading else you, well you get lost."

Looking towards Joyce she continued, "I'm sorry Joyce, I shouldn't have left you down there for so long, I should have called you back earlier." Her concerned eyes still pressed on to Joyce's face, Luna spoke before Joyce could deny that she had done wrong. "How are they? How's Buffy?"

Both Luna and Willow moved immediately closer when Joyce burst out crying, folding her torso forward to make herself as small as possible. Willow took the initiative and flung herself on to her knees, despite her body screaming its disapproval. She stared upwards at Joyce's face, willing her to voice her problem preparing herself for the absolute worst.

"Buffy's okay. She's fine." Joyce confirmed, staring in to Willow's concerned eyes, settling her worry immediately. "They're all fine, well they're all healthy. Giles, Dawn and Buffy are sharing the house, he's taking good care of them. Anya and Xander visited a few times, they mostly just talk about you. Well you, and Faith."

Willow's eyes folded into small slits, "Faith? Faith?!" She screamed at the other women. "Why are they talking about her?"

Gripping Willow's hand more tightly, "She's looking after you, well your body." Her eyes glancing towards Luna questioningly. "We thought you knew? That's where Jenny went, to check on her. Is she not back yet?"

Luna slapped her gaping mouth with an audible 'pop' "Jenny!" She called, "Darn it! I'll be right back." Luna ran away, mumbling to herself as she left hastily.

Not two minutes later, the floor began to vibrate and the deep crackling sound resonated within the faux-living room once again.

Jenny appeared in pretty much the same state Joyce had, trembling hands, white knuckled, streaming tears, wobbly limbs. But her physical issues were not the problem, falling to the ground she sobbed into the floor.

Willow slid her body over to the crying woman, embracing her tightly, "Jenny. It's okay, you're back safe." Repeating what Luna had said, still unsure how dangerous this type of travel was, it didn't look particularly pleasant.

Jenny lifted her head, looking straight at Willow, almost through her the intensity was so strong. Willow was immediately wishing that she hadn't had to look into those broken eyes.

"Willow, oh sweet Willow." Taking a deep breath before continuing. "I'm so sorry, God I'm so sorry. I just watched, I couldn't do anything, I just watched." Jenny placed her head back on the ground.

Willow's body shook with fear, "What happened?"

The simplest, of simple replies followed, "You're dead."

Joyce's head quickly rising, Luna beginning to cry again.

Willow was infuriated, "How is this new information?!"

She cried, now becoming really scared, beyond scared, terrified. Yea, completely and utterly terrified.

Jenny's eyes held such raw grief, perhaps this really was new information to them. "The mist has cleared from here hasn't it Willow?" Willow nodded.

Gaining an intense millisecond of eye-contact with each woman in the room, Jenny continued. "You are dead Willow. You are dead, and Tara is alive. Faith was with her when she awoke, she is confused but she seems physically okay."

Joyce interrupted before Willow and Luna even had a chance to take in this huge revelation, "Willow's body?"

Jenny sighed, her head shaking, tears pouring from her eyes as if they were a tap,

"I don't know. I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry."


	24. Model

**Chapter 24: Model**

Carrying Tara in her arms, Faith walked out of the hospital as inconspicuously as possible. She really didn't want to run in to the bitchy nurse once again, and explain that she wasn't kidnapping this patient, nor did she want to explain how the redheaded patient had randomly disappeared. Faith had done her time in jail, she really didn't fancy returning to it.

Managing to make her way outside, Faith looked around for a cab. It wasn't particularly late in the evening for her, but it was 10pm so she guessed correctly whilst moving that there wouldn't be any cabs waiting in the car lot. Due to the late hour, no buses were running that went remotely close to Revello Drive, plus it wasn't ideal grabbing a bus when Tara's ass was on show anyway.

Looking down at the blonde in her arms, preparing to share her plan she noticed that Tara was unconscious. Easily rearranging her body to have one arm free, Faith gently applied two fingers to her neck, her pulse was beating strongly.

_Phew._

Once her worries were calmed, Faith took a few seconds to appreciate how beautiful Tara really was. The woman had been resurrected from the dead, awoken from a coma and still looked like she could have easily been a model.

_Although, B come back, literally dug herself outta her grave and still looked like a model like Blondie. Least Blondie didn't have to dig her way out, poor bitch looks frail enough. Shit, I wonder where she's been, think B said it's been about a year since she died._

Faith looked downwards again, really looking at the beautiful blonde she held.

_How did ya die? I really hope it was gentle and fast. I'll ask ya when ya wake up again. If you'll tell me. Was it heroic like? Like the way B went outta this world? Her half heroic half suicidal jump to save the kid. Oh well, nother time maybe Blondie. If I stick around that is._

Walking back inside the hospital, Faith grabbed a wheelchair and slumped Tara's sleeping form down. Pushing her towards the set of phones on the wall, she held the wheelchair close, attempting to maintain some air of innocence as she dialled the cab number on a poster near the phone.

Wheeling Tara back out, with the promise that the cab would be here in about 15 minutes, Faith reckoned that she had earned another smoke. Manoeuvring Tara's chair to a near wall so that she wouldn't get smoke in her face, nor would she freeze from the cool evening breeze, Faith lit up.

She had only taken about 3 drags when Tara jerked in her chair, a small light scream fell from her lips. Faith threw her hands on her shoulders, the cigarette between her fingers laying forgotten. Attempting her best calming noises, she shushed Tara until her jerking stopped. Once stopped, she knelt down in front of Tara, her hands resting on her knees, her eyes looking in to the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

"You k?" She asked with an honest sincerity that sounded strange coming from her.

Tara seemed to be staring straight through Faith, unaware of her words spoken, after a few seconds she shook her head bringing herself back to reality.

"Faith?" She questioned in a child like voice.

"Yea T?" Faith replied, not surprised at the change of name for Tara.

"What did you call me when I woke up?"

"Blondie?" Faith asked, unsure if she didn't realise who 'T' was now.

"No, you called me something else. You were surprised I woke up in that bed. What happened?"

The undeniable worry radiating from Tara's features made Faith uncomfortable. The sadness and concern didn't belong in her face, she looked like an angel, might actually be an angel, she shouldn't even know that look.

"Don't worry bout it now T. Let's get ya home safe first." Faith whispered, trying to lull Tara back to sleep. Her efforts were rewarded a short while later as the deep blue eyes pulled closed again. Puffing once again on her cigarette, Faith waited patiently for the cab to arrive.

* * *

Faith burst through the unlocked front door like she had lived at the Summer's house her whole life. Tara hadn't woken up again since falling back asleep at the hospital, but she had mumbled and lightly screamed in the cab.

Carrying Tara in her arms Faith laid her down on the sofa softly whilst calling loudly,

"Hey anybody home?!"

Harsh stomps crashed down the stairs with a larger thump as Dawn reached the bottom. Faith strode in to the hallway knowing who would be there. Only teenagers could make that much noise unnecessarily and accidentally, and Buffy with her slayer grace wouldn't have dared made that much noise unless for a particular purpose, nor would Giles.

"Hey Brat, don't s'pose you got 15 bucks on ya, need to pay the cabbie."

Dawn paled immediately when she saw Faith in the hallway, it could mean only one thing. Willow had died. _Willow was gone. Died with an enemy at her bedside, none of her famil..._

"Brat? You got 15 bucks?"

Dawn looked up at Faith, recognition of the words finally kicking in. Nodding, she moved to her bag in the kitchen grabbing her wallet which she simply flung at Faith, not having the cognitive skills currently to count out two bills.

"Back in a sec Brat, don't move k?" Dawn found the request completely normal, Faith was about to tell her that Willow had died. She didn't want her to move anywhere. Dawn grabbed a stool and perched herself on it, had head in her hands. Faith ran out of the room at slayer speed, throwing the money at the driver before running back in to the kitchen.

Dawn didn't even look up at Faith's return. Not having a spare thought to even notice that she had come back in to the kitchen at super speed. She hadn't even noticed that she was talking to her.

"...'ere..."

Dawn looked up, "Huh?"

"Anyone else 'ere?"

Dawn shook her head. "Buffy's patrolling, Giles went home to pick up some books."

Unaware of why Dawn was looking so pale Faith immediately went into slayer mode, "Books? There a problem?"

"Not really. Nothing compared to this."

"To what?"

Dawn looked up completely gobsmacked, her eyes glistening with unshed tears but still managing to hold somewhat demonic anger, "To Willow!" She screamed accusingly.

Recognition smacked Faith head on. "Shit, Red!"

"You've just remembered her?!" Dawn was now stood, more than ready to try and beat the dark slayer down regardless of her own safety.

"Well yea, but..."

Faith closed her eyes and smoothed her hair back and released the feral pose she had adopted since Dawn had raised her voice. Rearranging her feet to make her look less confrontational and more normal, she opened her eyes and looked up at Dawn's face again.

"Look Brat I don't really know what to do."

She couldn't just leave Tara there by herself until Buffy got back from patrol and Giles from fetching books. She grabbed Dawns hand, tugging her when she didn't want to voluntarily follow her into the lounge.

Faith stood behind Dawn, prepared with her arms held outwards in case the teenager fainted at seeing the resurrected dead.

Faith didn't know a whole lot about how Tara had fit in to the slaying family, other than being Willow's girlfriend. But from how Giles had described her briefly, and how Buffy had described her relationship with her, she sounded like she had been an integral part of everyone's lives.

Dawn looked at the sleeping blonde sprawled out on the couch, and immediately dropped to her knees. Faith was quick, but not quite quick enough, not managing to catch Dawn as she face planted the floor.


	25. Smoke

**A/N. Big apologies for lack of updating, exams and that. But I'm back and I will be completing this story! :)  
I'll be attempting to go with longer chapters for a while, you like that better?  
Lemme know what you think :)**

* * *

**Chapter 25: Smoke**

"''oly furk dat hurtsh"

"Well quit proddin' it then brat."

Faith held several towels under Dawn's nose, the blood seemingly pouring on tap. _Heh, it's a vampires wet dream. _Faith mused_, s_omehow always managing to find something light-hearted in even the worst of situations. Discarding the now blood-soaked towels in to the sink, Faith grabbed a couple more, and smacked them in to Dawn's face.

"Ow." Dawn cried, more for sympathy than from pain.

Flattening the towel to her nose Dawn tried to stare through the wall to see the sofa in the lounge. Looking back to Faith, with eyebrows knitted together and tears forming she was desperately trying to voice a question but couldn't quite manage to form the words.

Faith noticed, a little more attuned with people's emotions that her younger self had been.  
"Yea she's really in there." She offered the information before the question was asked, a small smile gracing her lips.

'_Least prison group counselling crap taught me somethin'._

That was until Dawn's face paled even further and her body started to sway. Holding her arms outwards, Faith grabbed her, slightly shaking her to bring her back to reality. With Dawn's knees beginning to buckle, Faith dragged her to a stool and perched her on it, unceremoniously shoving the younger girls head down.

"Head 'tween your knees." She voiced as she completed the action for her anyway.

A few minutes passed, which felt like forever for Faith, but eventually Dawn pulled her head upwards, far more colour in her cheeks, and far less colour in the fresh towel given to her. Seeing Dawn looking better, Faith left her there to sit for a few moments.

Cold water poured in to the sink, and after a few seconds of slayer hand washing, the towels were looking less bloodstained and more fairy pink in places. Scrunching them up and twisting them to drain them of water, Faith discarded them on to the floor in the corner.

Before she had time to turn around, the back door in the kitchen opened and Buffy walked in. Faith immediately smelt extra blood upon her entrance and scanned Buffy's body for stains, a tear in the thigh of her jeans with a small blood trail running downwards was visible, judging from the little amount of blood it wasn't to deep though.

Grabbing another fresh towel, she threw it at Buffy, who easily caught it despite being sidetracked by the scent of fresh blood in the kitchen.

"We have blood towels upstairs, these are for the kitchen." Buffy said whilst throwing the towel back.

Faith exhaled a small laugh and stood a little more in front of the towels on the floor. _Damn, best get them washed when B's distracted._

Buffy prepared herself to walk upstairs and grab a shower, a blood towel and a change of mostly unripped clothes, when she remembered that Faith didn't live with her.

"What are you doing here Faith?" She spat the name at the end.

_Wait,_

Faith,

blood...

Her eyes flicked to Dawn... _Crying._

She paused, allowing the thought to finalise itself.__

Willow.

"Willow_."_ She breathed, it was neither a question, nor a statement. It was just said aloud. Vocalised and therefore made real, made true.

_Willow was dead. Willow was gone._ Willow is gone. Oh God.

Faith walked to the other slayer, both of them completely ignoring Dawn's presence in the room. She placed her hands softly on Buffy's shoulders, and gently squeezed, trying to convey all the support she could, before she said something that would turn Buffy's world upside down.

"I dunno about Re... about Willow, but there's someone in the other room for ya." Faith wasn't even sure if Buffy had heard her, lost in her own mourning already.

Faith grabbed Buffy's hand and dragged her in to the lounge, she followed in a zombie like fashion, her limbs not quite wanting to work to push her forward. Only brought back to reality when Faith stopped dragging her and placed a supportive hand on her back instead.

Lifting her head, Buffy stared dead ahead at the only other resurrected blonde in the whole world.

Falling to her knees so she was at the right height, Buffy stared in to open and shining blue orbs.

"Buffy." Tara breathed, her face bursting in to a small but radiant smile before her eyes focussed on a person behind her,

"Dawn." She cried, her voice cracking.

Dawn just stared at Tara, unable to do anything but just look and blink tightly.

Seeing that Dawn had apparently moved past her fainting phase for the time-being, Faith's gaze fell upon the original chosen one once again.

Kneeling on the floor, and looking upwards into ocean blue, Buffy hadn't even realised she was sobbing uncontrollably until her head found it's way in to Tara's lap. Fingers softly smoothing through her hair and whispered calmness just meeting her ears. Her hands were clawing at Tara's legs, trying to gain some semblance of reality, trying to feel her physical presence to make it true.

Buffy inhaled deeply through her nose, her eyes shutting tighter and tighter to calm her, she finally exhaled. The emotion in the room was overbearing for Faith, the only noise she could focus on was that of Buffy's heart currently snapping in to millions of shards.

"You're really here?" She voiced to Tara, who continued to lean forward to provide comfort at a split seconds notice if needed.

Tara nodded her response, knowing Buffy felt it despite not touching.

"You awoke" Pausing, Buffy tried again,

"You woke up in the hospital?" Her hands roughly searched Tara's knuckles, ensuring that she too hadn't had to claw her way out of her own coffin.

Tara nodded, pulling her hands back self consciously after having them so thoroughly searched. She desperately wanted to check on Dawn but couldn't pull her eyes from the slowly diminishing blonde in her lap.

Buffy was inconsolable, asking questions that were incomprehensible, she tried her best to keep her emotions in check and to not go catatonic with grief, but it wasn't working too well. A constant stream of tears fell, her hands pulled back from touching Tara to hug her own body in desperation for comfort.

She realised what was happening, voicing it without even really meaning to,

"So, Willow is..." Buffy trailed off, unable to complete the sentence after starting it.

At Dawn's gasp and realisation at what Buffy wasn't saying, Faith stepped in.

"We dunno what's goin' on yet B. T dunno neither so let's let her rest or sumthin'."

Buffy stood up, taking a few steps backwards to give Tara some room. She remembered all too well what it had felt like to come back, everyone crowding her, everything to bright, to loud, to painful.

"I'm sorry." She whispered whilst looking at Tara once again. The apology obviously held more depth to it, but Tara couldn't fathom why.

"No. Don't be Buffy." She stated simply, trying to at least calm the slayer's worries a little.

Now that Buffy was standing, Tara made out the thin blood trail on her jeans, "You're hurt."

"Oh, yea, nothing big." Buffy patted her thigh, only now just remembering that she had been cut on patrol. Pulling a silent and gobsmacked Dawn by the shoulders, Buffy stepped backwards in to the hall.

* * *

"You okay?" She asked her sister who had still not said anything after seeing Tara for a second time.

Dawn continued to stay silent for a moment. Buffy pulled her closer and hugged her loosely, not knowing what to say, about Tara being back nor Willow being... Not back.

"You really think she's dead?" Dawn finally asked, softly pushing Buffy out of the hug at the same time.

Closing her arms around herself Buffy nodded solemnly. "You think Willow did a spell?" Dawn asked further.

Buffy's head jumped upwards, her eyes opened wide meeting Dawn in an intense glare. Dawn reflexively took a step backwards at the threatening look and grimaced. She probably shouldn't have suggested that.

"We'll deal with it in the morning. Tara needs to get some rest."

"'kay." Dawn sheepishly replied.

She really shouldn't have suggested that.

She reached her arm out to provide some semblance of comfort to Buffy, running her fingers down Buffy's forearm. She immediately flinched away from the touch, too deep in thought to be comforted.

"Go say goodnight to her." Buffy added as an afterthought, it wasn't Dawn's fault.

* * *

Tara was now stood just in front of the sofa, her legs just about adjusting to moving again. Bending her knees until the cracking noise lessened, she took a few steps towards Dawn, the ease of walking returning to her again.

Both women's arms outstretched, they hugged tightly, embracing each other for some time. Dawn's tears fell freely from her eyes, but Tara managed to hold hers back.

"I'll see you in the morning Dawnie. I missed you so much." Tara whispered in to Dawn's ear before easing up on the tightness of the embrace.

Buffy looked onwards at them, too shocked to smile at the beautiful reunion just yet. Her thoughts more on what the hell Willow had done, and also attempting to see if she could feel danger emanating from Tara's form. Her slayer senses weren't tingling, so she figured that they were in no immediate danger.

Faith felt completely like an outsider, she had barely spared a thought as to how this was going to affect Buffy and Dawn. Staring longingly at her shoes and kicking invisible lint on the carpet, Faith pretended that she couldn't hear Dawn's strangled mumbles of sadness and happiness all at once.

Tara eventually released Dawn, placing a soft kiss on her forehead as she released her arms entirely.

"Sleep tight sweetie." Dawn took her cue to leave, climbing the stairs at a slow even pace.

All three women stood in silence until they heard Dawn's bedroom door close. As soon as the noise reverberated downstairs, Buffy and Tara's eyes locked together.

"You okay to stay here?" Buffy asked.

"If it's alright with you?" Tara asked in return. Unsure if she was actually welcome.

"It's your home too." Buffy stated solemnly. "I'll go set up the bed."

"Thank you." Tara reflexively responded quietly.

Buffy's footsteps were mildly heard as she ascended the stairs, leaving Faith and Tara in the lounge staring uneasily at one another.

"So, wicked strange day." Faith burst out, inwardly cringing at such a pathetic comment. She felt like she hadn't said anything in months, and the weight of silence had finally left her. Leaving her stupid comment hanging, but her shoulders lighter.

Tara gave a small smile. She dropped her head down, closed her eyes tight and inhaled deeply a few times. Strengthening her resolve and leaving her tears firmly in her eyes, lifting her head she smiled lightly.

"Hey Faith, did I see you smoking earlier?"

Faith smiled and playfully scoffed, " Come on T, there's more important stuff goin' on, it ain't no time to be havin' the C word lecture."

"Actually, I was going to ask you for one."

* * *

The door to Willow's bedroom opened for the first time in weeks. Dawn had closed it as soon as she had gotten back from the hospital on the first night Willow was admitted, and no one had dared enter it since.

Buffy released the handle once the door was opened, and left the door to swing fully open, letting it softly bang against the wall. A musty scent drifted outwards from it not being opened in so long, under the strength of the must laid pleasant undertones of incense. Buffy sighed and inhaled, trying to take in as much of the incense scent as possible, trying to remember the pleasantness that is Willow's smell, was Willow's smell.

Lifting her head, she looked around the room with a semblance of comforting familiarity. Except it wasn't that familiar, not anymore.

It was always changing, always being the room of death.

Her mother's room before Joyce died, her own room, before she killed herself temporarily, Willow and Tara's before Tara was murdered, and before Willow was, well, before Willow kind of killed herself. Jesus, who would be next? Why did people keep moving into this room?

Trying to find the comfort once again in the death room, Buffy tried to find something Willow-y.

The three boxes of Willow's belongings were still piled high in the corner, packed herself, preparing them before she left, so that the rest of the scoobies wouldn't need to erase her memory from the death room once she had left.

What a considerate bitch, Buffy thought.

Willow's desk was cleared, barring her laptop, lid down, power cord wrapped around it neatly and a few photographs of Tara surrounding it. Probably preparing the room for Tara, so that she'd feel at home with her own photo's, probably even removed her password from her laptop so that we could use it if we needed it.

Completely considerate bitch.

Her eyes fell on something else, it looked out of place compared to the rest of the cleared room, and she wondered how she hadn't noticed it before. An envelope on Willow's bedside table stood upwards. The front of it addressed simply to, 'Everyone.'

The envelope called to her, tempting her to go and read it. To have it explained to her why Willow had taken her own life, and replaced it with Tara's. Why she had left, and the final help and advice that would be left for each of them.

Buffy imagined what it might say to her,

'I'll look out for you, but in case I can't, watch your back slayer.'

'You were an awesome best friend, but you just weren't enough.'

'We wasted the last urn of Osiris on you, so I have to bring back Tara back another way.'

Buffy wasn't sure what it would say, and she was scared to find out. If Willow blamed her for Tara's death in the first place, she wasn't sure that she could carry on living either. Perhaps, this room would hold another suicide in it.

If she knew how, perhaps she could swap her death for Willow's life. Again, the envelope called to her, she was sure it would hold a long personalised message to each of them, rambling on, unable to find the right words, no doubt. Giving in to temptation, Buffy prepared herself to move forward. Courage almost radiating off of her skin in waves.

She was ready, she was ready to accept Willow's death already. Did that make her a bad person? Or just a slayer, a person who had accepted death so many times before, that it just became easier each and every time?

She could figure that out later, right now she had to read that note.

Buffy managed three large and strong willed steps inside the room before she collapsed once again with grief. Her arms extended to take the duvet in her hands, clutching tightly she pulled it closer, pushing her face in to it.

The dark material soaked up her tears, she pulled it slightly more to cover her mouth so she could fully submerge herself into Willow's scent, into her past, into Willow's life, but the crash of a bottle falling off the bed interrupted her flowing memories.

Lifting her head to see what had fallen, Buffy soon eyed the half empty vodka bottle. The ongoing debate regarding half empty, and half full was not needed in this instance.

Of course it was half empty, without Willow, nothing would ever be remotely full again, including life. Life was half empty, three-quarters empty, seven-eighths empty, it was almost gone.

Ripping the lid off with far more force than should have been applied, the bottle neck cracked downwards, the lid was thrown behind her, and Buffy breathed Willow's name before chugging some vodka.

Wrapping her neck in the duvet, she sniffed it in between gulps of the alcohol, and allowed herself to cry.

* * *

Faith just grinned at Tara. Her whole demeanour showing something far more relaxed than the situation called for.

Tara immediately wrapped her arms around herself, "Or not." Pausing, she added on the end, "Sorry."

"Nah T, sure ya can have one if you want it. I just reckons you should probably change first, ya know, you're lookin' a lil chilly."

If it had been possible, Faith's smile would have grown even bigger, but it couldn't , so it just got filled with a metaphorical canary that just so happened to eat shit.

Tara remembered that she was still in her hospital gown, sticky with cold sweat, a few spots of blood from the catheter removal, and her butt sticking out the back.

"Oh."

She looked down at the floor embarrassed for a moment, before giving into temptation and letting out a small giggle anyway.

Looking upwards still smiling, she noticed that Faith's eyes were a radiant brown, catching the light at just the right angle, filling Faith with a sense of innocence that wouldn't normally be associated with her. It was of course contradicted by the dark leather jacket that was still wrapped around her, left open to show a vest that was not only a little short, but also a little tight.

Faith moved closer to Tara, immediately running an arm around her shoulders,

"You gonna freak again T?"

"Huh?" Tara asked, not realising that Faith was a lot closer to her than a minute ago.__

"You 'kay?"__

"Yea, I'm fine." ..._I was just admiring your tight tight shirt_... "Thanks."

Faith kept her arm around Tara's shoulders and guided her body towards the basement, where she'd left her bag of stuff from LA. Faith sprinted down the steps, feeling a bit more at home in the Summers basement than anywhere else in SunnyD.

Tara followed slowly, stopping halfway down the stairs to take a second to look over the banister. She felt a brief moment of light-headedness as she looked over, feeling a surge of panic come over here, clutching at her heart, she continued on, ignoring the déjà vu sensation.

Faith picked up her bag of stuff from LA and piled her creased clothes on to the cot that remained open and ready for visitors in the basement. Faith wondered why Buffy hadn't just given Tara the cot down here, instead of going upstairs to prepare Willow's bed for her.

Tara stood patiently by the cot and waited for Faith to fish out whatever it was she was looking for from her bag. Now that Faith was no longer laughing and Tara was being still and silent, Faith could make out the sounds coming from above, upstairs in the Summers residence, there was at least one person crying.

Muted whimpers vibrated to the basement, and one particularly large whimper must have been heard by Tara too, as her chin popped up to look at the ceiling.

Faith picked up the clothes she had been looking for, ignoring the crying, and passed them to Tara.

Tara accepted the dark jog pants and vest gratefully. She turned to face away from Faith, and in the process revealed her butt once again.

Faith looked away, and allowed Tara some privacy. Pulling out of her pocket a pack of cigarettes and lighter. Freeing one from the pack, she brought it to her lips and sparked up, inhaling the first toke deeply.

Tara turned around, holding the hospital gown tightly to her chest, she felt a little embarrassed to be in clothes that were just a little too tight, and therefore a tad revealing. Upon seeing Faith in even tighter wear, she decided that she had probably been in worse clothes before, discarding the hospital gown on the floor, she accepted the lit cigarette being passed to her and brought it to her lips.

"Should we be smoking down here?" Tara asked a little unsure.

Faith brought another cigarette to her lips, lit the end and flicked the lighter through her fingers smoothly all in one motion. Faith never removed her eyes from Tara's, taking pleasure in the small desire that she had just brought about with such a small trick.

_Oh yea, this is gonna be fun_, she thought.

"Witch, darkness, vampires." She stated with her cigarette holding hand gesturing to Tara, and eyebrows risen high.

At the lack of response, Faith continued. "B will just hafta like it. Din't peg you as a smoker anyway Blondie."

Staring at the cigarette in her hand, that she had only taken a few puffs of, Tara reminisced aloud.

"I'm not really. I tried it a couple times when I was younger, just after..."

Taking a small puff, and exhaling immediately, she continued.

"Just after my Mom died. It felt rebellious you know? That's what you're meant to do, apparently. You're meant to rebel, do something crazy, do something different to the people around you."

Tara exhaled again, looking at the swirls of smoke around her.

"I was in Heaven ya know."

Faith said nothing, happy to just let Tara speak for a while. Not knowing how long she might yap for, Faith thought she best take a seat on the cot now though, so very smoothly she perched her ass down. Tara also came to sit down next to her, their proximity was close but not uncomfortably or impedingly so.

"I was shot by a guy, a nerd really."

Tara placed her hand over her left shoulder, instinctually checking that it no longer hurt.

"Well now a dead guy. It was an accident, he wasn't gunning for me. 'Scuse the pun."

Tara looked sideways at Faith and smiled, it was sympathetically returned.

"I died pretty much immediately I think, because one minute I was changing in the room, and the next I was in Heaven. There used to be mist in Heaven, like this, like smoke swirling around you. Blurring your vision, making you a little confused. But it gets less and less thick, until eventually it's gone. That was the most unnerving thing, when it was gone. When you could see Heaven clearly, and you knew that it wasn't a mistake, you were actually dead."

Tara took a deep intake of her cigarette and held it in until it began to escape from her nose, then let it out in one big breath.

"But here, the smoke means you're alive. Nothing is quite so freeing as actually having the ability to see your breath. It's nice to be able to breathe again, but it's better to be able to see my life so clearly. Guess I really am alive again."

Taking one final puff, Tara extinguished the cigarette on the basement floor and placed it in an empty jar that was laying close to the cot.

"Do you think we should go check on Buffy?" Tara asked, Faith extinguished her cigarette and threw it into the same jar, with perfect accuracy.

"Nah, I reckons she just needs some time." Faith replied, before adding, "But whatever, you can if you reckon its best. I dunno about this kinda shit."

"Me neither, this has never happened before." Tara beamed. She was glad Faith was here, it was easier to have someone around that wasn't mourning the person that you just replaced. God knows what Buffy and Dawn were thinking about her, and she supposed that the rest of the gang would be round tomorrow. It was going to be extremely tiring, answering questions that she probably shouldn't answer.

"Don't tell anyone what I told you about Heaven Faith, I don't think I'm supposed to remember."

"No probs Blondie, no one speaks to me anyway." It was said light-heartedly, but Tara knew that there was actual truth behind it.

"Wanna get some sleep?" Tara asked at the same time as she laid out her body on the cot, pushing her legs behind where Faith was sat.

"Uh yea, sure." Faith stood and began to climb the stairs.

"Where you going?" Faith stopped and turned sideways, leaning over the banister.

"Couch?"

Tara patted the cot next to her. "I've already slept on you a couple times." Tara smiled, hoping that she wasn't making Faith uncomfortable with her forwardness. She just couldn't bare to be alone, and to have to wake up with nobody else close by.

Faith said nothing else. She slipped her leather jacket off of her shoulders, and laid down next to Tara.

Feeling a little uncertain of what was expected of her.

_Are we gonna fuck? Are we gonna cuddle? What way am I s'posed to be facin'? Can I take my pants off?_

Before Faith could wonder about anything anymore, she noticed that Tara's heart rate had slowed down, and she was already sleeping.

Faith turned around to face her, enjoying the sight before she too drifted off after a long and strange day.


	26. Pills

**Chapter 26: Pills**

Buffy wasn't sure which she noticed first upon waking up; The thumping headache, the strangling sensation or the warm body draped over her. Judging by the strength of the headache, she guessed it was probably that one first.

The material that had draped itself around her neck and surrounded it a few times, effectively creating an accidental noose, was getting more and more uncomfortable. She must have tossed and turned all night to have gotten into quite the state she was in right now, she fumbled at the material until it became loose and allowed it to slide off her, the corner of the duvet hitting the floor.

To a normal human being, it hit the floor with little more than a murmur, but to the original slayer, it hit the floor with an almighty thud. Grasping her head in her hands, she whimpered, had she been hurt during patrol last night?

Sitting up with more force than intended, and after the room stopped spinning, Buffy noticed the almost empty vodka bottle lying close by. She searched for the lid and placed it back on top, propping the bottle back upright, not that there was a lot of liquid that could spill out anymore anyway.

Why couldn't slayers have better alcohol control? Why couldn't she hold her alcohol? Is it something someone has to learn how to do? How to drink responsibly? Before she started creating drinking awareness campaigns, Buffy remembered that there was another factor on her list – A warm body draped over her. Taking immediate comfort in the fact that it was warm, and therefore not a vampire... Unless it was a vampire on fire. No that would probably be hotter.

Looking over, Buffy saw her younger sister sprawled on the carpet. Her arm outstretched, fingers clutching Buffy's leg, nails slightly digging in, but not painfully so.

Dawn's eyes were ruby red, and swollen, her mascara was beyond a panda, and had turned into more of a battered wife look. Her t-shirt was looking more baggy than it used to, and Buffy realised just then, that she hadn't been paying any attention to Dawn recently. What with what had happened to Willow, she just wasn't taking care... Willow.

Buffy remembered why she had started drinking last night, why she found herself strangled in Willow's bed sheets, and why she was in Willow's room.

"To get the bed ready for Tara!" Grimacing at the volume of her own voice, she cringed. "Ow! Shit." She whispered afterwards.

Tara was somewhere, bed-less, probably feeling unwelcome when Buffy hadn't returned. Had Tara really come back? Was it just a drink-induced dream... Nightmare... Dream? Had she left, walked out of the house, gotten herself killed again? Been alive for a couple extra hours just to be rejected and get killed by a vampire. Wow Buffy would have a hard time with karma if that had happened.

She jumped to her feet, in full slayer elegance... Honest.

She moved carefully so as not to wake Dawn, she could probably do with a few more hours looking at the state of her. In the early morning sunlight that was forming through the curtains, she could see how pale her sister's skin had become. When was the last time Dawn had gotten out of the house? Pulling the duvet downwards, Buffy draped it over Dawn's slim form, and left the room. She pulled the door, and closed it shut, careful to mute the click as much as possible.

Buffy popped her head into her own bedroom, checking to see if Tara had gotten some sleep in there instead but her bed was still made from the night before, and nothing else had been disturbed. Stepping into the bathroom, Buffy pushed the door to and sat down on the toilet seat, her head in her hands, she massaged her temples trying to reduce the pounding.

Regrettably standing up she conjoined her hands under the cold water tap, capturing the pouring liquid and splashed it onto her face. Rubbing the cooling water into her eyes, was somewhat relieving her headache. Buffy reached into the medicine cabinet, something that was crucial in a house with a slayer, and pulled out a pack of aspirin...

Taking up refuge on the toilet seat once more, Buffy individually pushed each aspirin pill out of the foil packet and let them fall to the floor. When one strip of eight was emptied, she grabbed another and repeated the action until there were no more to empty.

Pulling the beaker, she used for rinsing after brushing, she filled it with cool tap water. A pill was placed on the tip of her tongue, and followed by a small sip of water. One-by-one the pile of pills got far smaller, after swallowing the final aspirin, Buffy returned to the medicine cabinet. Pulling out a prescription bottle of codeine, she ripped off the lid and tipped all the pills into her left hand.

Picking up the first pill with her index finger and thumb she stared at it under the light, holding it above her head she said a one person toast, "To Willow" biting back tears, Buffy placed the first codeine pill on the tip of her tongue and swallowed it down dry. Repeating the action with each and every pill until both her hands and her medicine cabinet were empty.

Collapsing to her knees, Buffy allowed the tears to stream. She called to Willow over and over, careful to do it quietly enough that it would not wake Dawn, but loud enough that it would reach the ears of her dead best friend.

"Why Willow?!" Buffy inhaled through the snot and tears, "God I miss you."

Her fingers clawed at the floor, desperate to feel something comforting and real. Rolling onto her back, she simply stared at the ceiling and let the tears fall.

Realising after a while that she probably shouldn't lay on her back, because it was likely to make her vomit, she climbed back to her knees. Spotting an old magazine in the bathroom rack, Buffy pulled it out and immediately flicked to a page like it was destiny.

Within the page held a single full page simple advert. A photograph of an open pack of cigarettes was crossed out in red, and above in large black font, it read, 'Just Quit!'

Despite what was happening, and what Buffy was doing, she laughed out loud. It began as a scoff at the ridiculousness of the situation, but soon turned into hysterical almost maniacal laughing.

She repeated the advert lines over and over, "just quit, just quit, just quit." Grabbing her make up bag, and sifting through it, she shouted up to the skies, "I am quitting fuckers!"

Removing an eyeliner pencil from her bag, she wrote her final goodbye on a magazine advertisement that may or may not have been sent from the powers that be.

Rubbing the cooling water into her eyes, was somewhat relieving her headache. Buffy reached into the medicine cabinet, something that was crucial in a house with a slayer, and pulled out a pack of aspirin...

She lifted her head and stared at the other pills that lived in the cabinet, the sheer number and range that were available was quite disconcerting. She seized each packet and bottle and threw them to the bathroom floor, kicking and stomping them until they were no longer any use to anybody.

Shutting the cabinet door, she stared into the mirror.

Taking a long hard look at herself, she started to notice the signs of a hard life on her face. Dark circles hung low under her eyes, the sockets more hollow and further back than ever before, her skin so pale that she looked ill with the lack of sunlight, her cheekbones more prominent from weight loss, even the shine that used to sparkle in her eyes had disappeared and been replaced with a shadow.

Right there and then Buffy had an epiphany.

She had killed herself once before, right now, it was time to live.

* * *

Buffy jumped the stairs three at a time, each time landing more gracefully and silently than the time before. Stopping at the very bottom of the stairs, her eyes were immediately drawn to the sofa that had changed everything last night.

After they all knew what was going on, she'd have to apologise for completely breaking down like that... Or maybe she wouldn't have to, maybe she didn't need to, maybe they'd just understand.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Buffy looked at the sofa again checking that it didn't actually contain anybody in the present. No one was there, she let out a sigh, what if it had all been a dream? Or what if Tara wasn't here anymore? Buffy ignored her thoughts that could send her into a catatonic spiral and instead dragged her feet into the kitchen, attempting to maintain the same level of optimism she had ascertained a short while previously.

"Hey."

"Hi." Buffy returned to Faith, a little more hostility in her voice than planned for.

Faith sighed at the aggression being thrown her way already, and continued pouring the coffee for Buffy anyway. Slamming the mug down on the counter where Buffy had taken a seat, and then returning to her own with a coffee refill also.

Silence hung in the air, leaving everything awkward and aggravating. Eventually Buffy broke the silence.

"Where's Tara?"

Faith swallowed loudly and placed her mug back down. Of course Buffy wanted to talk, it would be weird if she didn't. But it was probably going to turn into an awkward heart to heart with violence, and she really didn't feel like getting beaten up today. Although a fight sounded amazing, too much time spent shut away from the night made Faith a bad bad girl. Just ideally, the fight wouldn't be with anybody fighting on the same side as Faith... Ya know, the good side.

"Basement."

Buffy stood immediately, her stool creaking on the floor as she moved.

"Still sleepin'." Faith clarified, making Buffy stop and return to her stool.

"Where'd you sleep?"

"Basement. You?"

"Willow's room."

They both nodded at the others answer and silence returned.

Faith knew that she would deeply regret what she was about to say, but she didn't have the heart not to say something like it.

"You can talk to me if you wanna B, I ain't good at knowin' what to say or nothin', but I can listen pretty well."

Buffy simply nodded. Faith continued, despite feeling all kinds of strange.

"I got slayer hearing B, I'm bettin' Blondie down there's got pretty good post-grave hearin' too."

Faith knew that Buffy had no idea what she was on about with the look of confusion and slight disgust painted on her face.

"We heard ya, last night, ya know, cryin'."

"You might have heard me, but it really wasn't any of your business was it?" Buffy practically spat at Faith.

Faith immediately stood, grabbing her coffee mug as she stormed off. In her angered yet extremely short journey to the back yard, she'd managed to crack the handle.

Figuring she may as well just finish the damage, she ripped the handle off completely and threw it to the bushes.

"Demonic mug?" Came a soft voice from behind her.

Faith smirked, unable to remain in the same bad mood all of a sudden.

"Yah." Faith looked down at the mug. "But I got a handle on things."

A light exhale came from behind, "That was bad."

"Yea, well, it's early. Thought you were still sleepin'?"

"Yea, well, it's late." Tara mocked in return.

Faith reached into her pocket and pulled out her pack of cigarettes, flicking them diagonally above her mouth, she caught one between her lips smoothly, it was an action that had obviously been carried out time and time again.

She held the pack outwards to Tara, shaking them slightly in an offering, but Tara shook her head no, happy to just breathe in the fresh air that surrounded her.

Faith placed her broken mug on the concrete patio just outside the door, and sparked the end of the cigarette.

Her first inhale wiped away the tension that hung over her, her anger dissipating into the air, leaving her less stressed and a little less homicidal than a moment ago.

They stood silently next to each other, both just enjoying being outside for the time being. Being locked inside with little action was not what Faith considered a good time. She needed to fight something very soon, before the slayer in her just snapped and attacked the closest thing to her.

Tara was someone who was happy to be either inside or outside, but if she was allowed to choose, she would definitely choose outside just before sunrise. It had been so long since she had seen a sunrise, something which she always found so completely incomprehensible.

A new day beginning for only part of the world, a select few sat looking at the very same view, each one probably feeling the same thing, the same inspiration that comes with the acknowledgment that they all lived to see another day.

She decided that she would have to get up extra early tomorrow and see the sun rise.

If she were able to, Tara would have disappeared for a whole day. Left the Summer's house very early morning and walked the dark streets of Sunnydale, to climb the winding paths of Kingman's Bluff with aching feet. She would arrive just in time to settle on her blanket, and watch the sunrise from the edge of the cliff, remaining outdoors to see the colour of the sky change before the sun fell completely from view.

Then again, Tara was an artist, a writer, someone with a great imagination, and an even greater appreciation of the beautiful things that existed both on earth and those surrounding it. She didn't need to climb and forego an entire day of her life, she could live it right here.

Tara walked towards the grassy patch in the middle of the garden with her eyes closed. Her bare feet took each step slowly and purposefully, bending her toes downwards in order to feel the dirt that lay under the thick and in-need-of-a-cut grass, her calf muscles hard and prominent, visibly flexed with every movement.

She circled a seemingly random area of grass for a while, before stopping and placing her feet in the middle of the circle. She lifted her head and allowed her eyes to drift open, and with her focus firmly attached to a depthless portion of sky, she simply stared.

Faith stood uneasily at the back door, with her cigarette long since extinguished she had no reason to be outside any longer. But she stood entranced by Tara's movements, unsure if she were reminiscing, meditating or praying. All three of the options seemed pretty damn private so she regrettably opted to return inside the house, and face the depressed one.

Before she had done a 180 however, Tara spoke whilst continuing to look at the sky.

"You don't have to go."

Faith walked towards Tara until they stood side by side.

"You psychic or summin'?"

"Not exactly, auras." She briefly explained, expecting Faith to fully understand.

"Huh?"

Pulling her gaze from the sky, Tara looked deep into Faith's eyes.

"I can read auras." Faith's confused face prompted Tara to continue with a smile. "Aura's are kinda like, hm, a visual representation of your soul. Different colours indicate different emotions, plans, um, past acts."

Faith broke the eye contact and instead looked at the extremely interesting grass.

Noticing the awkwardness that had just appeared, Tara tried to reassure the slayer.

"It's not black and white Faith. Your past is there, obviously, and yes it's written in black, but there is a whole rainbow that surrounds you now. The colours are so bright that it's getting harder to find the darkness in there."

Faith stared gobsmacked, Tara knew her past? Tara saw her aura? Tara had seen her aura before? What? When?

"So my soul..." Faith paused, preparing to correct herself, "My aura, was black?"

"Not completely, you're human, your aura could never be completely black, but it was darker then than now, yes."

"When'd you see it?"

"When you and Buffy switched bodies. We met at the Bronze, well, I was meant to be meeting Buffy but um, you know." Tara gestured lamely with her hands.

_We met at the Bronze. You were with Willow, I was sat drinkin'. She went to get drinks, and then the look that you gave her, oh shit. I was a total douche to you._

"Look, about what I said that night." Faith scratched the back of her head before continuing. "I know I was a douche. It's just that, well Red, Willow I mean, well she and me din't get on, cos I took her hostage or whatever. And ya know, I was all kinds of fucked up back then, and like I knew a secret. I din't realise that you two were gonna like BE together, ya know what I mean? So yea, I'm sorry 'bout that T."

Tara felt awkward, Faith was apologising for something that had happened so long ago, and she had changed so much since then. So had Tara, what with being dead and all. Plus, what had she said? Tara couldn't remember what Faith had said to her, that would need an apology.

_I remember meeting her, knowing that it wasn't Buffy because of the fragmented aura, plus it was too dark to be Buffy's._

_Wait, I was there with... Willow?_

"Willow... Willow and I were together? Like..." Tara scrunched up her face as if she were unable to admit she were gay.

"Yea." Looking at the change in demeanour in Tara, Faith wasn't sure what she should say. "Apparently, you two were like, soulmates or aurafriends or somethin'. T, I don't really know much 'bout it, you should prob'ly speak to B 'bout it all."

"Buffy isn't ready to talk about her yet."

"How'd ya know T? Someone's gotta 'splain it all to ya. And, I dun't think I can."

"I know because I can feel her mourning from out here. Her misery is literally permeating through the door, and right now, well, right now, I'm a reminder of death."

Unsure if Tara was being metaphorical or not, Faith tried to reach out and feel the misery. Her face became hard-set in concentration, her eyebrows creasing in the middle. Eyes closed tightly, and arms slightly raised.

Tara cleared her throat subtly, and Faith opened her eyes and slapped her arms down to her sides, not realising that she had been trying to do that with company around.

Misery loves company, but reaching out for misery is more of a private matter.

"What're you doing?" Tara asked, a smile forming at Faith's growing embarrassment.

"Was tryin' to feel her misery. I'm still tryin' to get used to the emotional side of crap."

"I don't think it's a normal attribute to have Faith..."

Faith looked at Tara with a face of complete hurt.

"I mean, I don't think humans were meant to be able to literally feel emotions. I think I've just learnt how to do it. I can feel the loneliness and uncertainty that you're feeling, but only because you're so close."

Faith's feet shuffled uncomfortably, Tara changed tactic.

"But I can feel Buffy from out here, she's really hurting. I don't need to be able to see her aura to know that right now, she's barely holding on."

No more foot shuffling, no more looking down at the ground in embarrassment.

Faith had trouble keeping her eyeballs in her sockets at that last part.

"Is she gonna try anythin' T?"


	27. Wasp

**Chapter 27: Wasp**

Frantic pacing, was of course the best plan of action in this circumstance. Pacing was always the right answer, or at least it felt like it at the time. Like moving your legs would get your neurons moving faster, therefore increasing the speed and awesomeness of the plan you were developing in your head.

Just to clarify once again before the great plan was developed, Willow thought she better check that she had everything right.

"Tara's alive?"

It was not the first time it had been asked, nor was it the first time it had been answered. Willow just seemed to be repeating the same thing, which Jenny and Joyce were getting slightly fed up of replying to.

Appreciative that it was a huge revelation, they were allowing her a little less sarcasm and a little more sympathy than they may have given in other circumstances.

"Tara's alive and I'm dead."

"Yes." Two of her surrogate mothers answered together, the annoyance in their voices not well hidden.

Luna however, had remained pretty much silent since finding out. She knew that something had happened when Tara had just disappeared, and a few moments later Willow appeared. But not even in her wildest dreams, had she considered that her only daughter Tara could be alive again.

For sure, Tara was taken from the world to soon. Tara had so much more she could have given, she hadn't even gotten the opportunity to graduate, to marry, to become a mother. She would have been so good at all of those things, Luna had spent many hours wondering how her daughter's life was going to turn out when they were both alive, wondering if Tara would ever escape from Donald after Luna's death.

Wondering if she was strong enough to become one of the sidekicks of a destined warrior was not really one of the paths she thought her kindred child would take, but nevertheless, she wore the pride on her face more obviously than a politician's rosette.

But now that her child was alive again, well shock just didn't cut it. Luna was silent, trying her very best to try and figure out how the hell or heavens, this had happened.

_Willow didn't technically die, well she did, but then she came back. _  
_Tara technically, officially and definitely died. _  
_Now, they're the opposites. _  
_Willow is in Heaven and Tara is alive, in Willow's place. _  
_They've swapped._

Luna stood abruptly, stepping into the pacing path that Willow had created, almost wearing out the faux floor. "You've swapped!" She shouted, her voice loudly out of place on the petite angelic woman.

The other women in the faux room looked at Luna disbelievingly. All single eyebrows hit the roof and mouths fell open in minor shock.

_She hadn't figured that out yet?!_

Joyce, appreciative of the novelty of the situation, tried her very best to soothe Luna.  
"Luna, why don't you come and sit back down. Perhaps we could get you a cup of tea."

"They've swapped!" Luna shouted again, although she already had everybody's attention.

Stepping forward she placed her palms on Willow's shoulders and shook her as she spoke.

"You tried to die, and in the process you resurrected Tara."

Willow's eyes were darting around to the other women for help, could you get beaten up in Heaven? Would her soulmates Mom beat her up?

"She's alive, my Tara's alive!" Luna continued gripping Willow's shoulders with all her might, forcing the redhead to swivel her body back and forth to try and regain her balance. Pushing up her arms, she pushed Luna off of her, trying her very best to be gentle, but firm.

Luna stepped backwards and stared in absolute disbelief at the witch that stood in front of her.

"What did you do? Willow, what did you do?!"  
_  
Ouch._

That particular line brought back such hatred, bile formed at the back of Willow's throat and her memories of the associated event flooded back to her in full incapacitating force.

***

"Help! Let me go. Somebody! Help!"

Willow stares through black orbs at the creature that stole Tara's life away. The anger she feels radiates off of her, despite her attempt at keeping a calm and collective exterior.

Sarcasm forms on her tongue as she appreciates the patheticness currently tied to the trees.

"What's the matter? Thought you wanted to talk."

She revels in his change of demeanour, his calmness rapidly switching to concern for his life. Self preservation is winning out and he obviously bites his tongue to stop another misogynistic comment from leaving his lips.

"No." He states simply, trying his best to look away from her eyes.

He doesn't want to talk. He really doesn't want to talk. Talking will probably get him killed.

He can't help but look back to her when she holds out her cracked and murderous hands. Laying on one of her palms is a single golden bullet.

Before he has a chance to realise what it is that she is holding, his shirt is magically ripped open exposing his hairy chest and her tone holds pure undiluted evil.

"Okay. I'll talk."

He tries to move away from her magics, but the restraints hold him firmly in place between the tree branches.

"What, what are you doing?" The killer asks. Fear making his voice an octave higher than usual.

"Sssssh." She spits to him loudly.

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry!" He calls out to her, pleading with her for mercy.

Despite his volume, she barely hears him. Too overcome with rage and full of avenging spirit, she proceeds with her plan. She holds the bullet to his chest, intimidatingly close to his heart. Pulling her hand away she keeps the bullet hovering with her magics.

Making eye contact with her soulmates murderer she snarls her words.

"Wanna know what a bullet feels like Warren? A real one? It's not like in the comics."

Trying his best to keep up his brave facade, he licks his lips desperately trying to gain some moisture back in his mouth before replying.

"No." Re-moistening and replying once again. "No."

Taking pleasure in his answer, she continues.

"I think you need to. Feel it." These last two words are stated with such menacing emphasis. Just after completion the bullet magically touches Warren's skin at his chest, pushing itself through his skin ever so slowly, his cries fall from his lips as the pain hits him.

"It's not going to make a neat little hole. First it will obliterate your internal organs."

Warren's mouth hangs open, his cries replaced with a deep and guttural breathing.

"Your lung will collapse. It feels like you're drowning."

His gasps come out wet sounding and deep from his chest. "Please, no!"

Ignoring him completely she continues. "It'll finally hit your spine and'll blow your central nervous system.

"Oh, please stop, God, please!" He calls out to deaf ears.

Before he can finish his pleas, her hand rises and throws outs a curse. His lips become sewn together immediately, muffling his screaming.

His eyes widen as he eventually realises that he is going to die here, attached to this tree at the hands of an evil wicca.

"The pain will be unbearable, but you won't be able to move." The hatred in her voice is almost palpable, almost a weapon in itself.

With no hint of sarcasm she continues. "Bullets usually travel faster than this of course."

She pauses, keen to make her point sink in deeper than the bullet itself. "But the dying, it'll seem like it takes forever."

Her voices changes to something deeply emotional, her eyes betraying her anger and giving in with something far more powerful, grief.

"One tiny piece of metal, destroys everything."

Her eyes flash hatred once more, and she looks back to her struggling victim who continues to release muffled cries.

Willow's gaze falls back to the floor, the death of her soulmate replaying behind her eyes.

"It ripped her insides out. Took her light away. From me. From the world. And the, the one person who should be here, is gone. While a waste like you gets to live."

Her voice becomes small and pained, and she focuses on the bullet continuing to penetrate Warren's chest.

"One tiny piece of metal. Can you feel it now?"

He nods desperately, hoping that if he cooperates she will show him mercy and allow him life.

Unsatisfied with his answer, she repeats it more clearly and in a lower octave.

He nods again. It is undeniable that he feels it.

She throws her hand out again, and his sewn mouth once again opens, immediately opening wide to beg for his life.

"Please! God! I did wrong, I see that now." Warren's voice is rushed, as is his ragged breathing.

"I-I need need, I need jail, I need. Look, you don't want this, you're not a bad person. Not like me."

"Willow!" Buffy shouts, walking quickly towards her with Xander and Anya in tow.

"When you get caught, you'll lose them too. Your friends." His head continuously bobs up and down, trying to get her to agree with him. "You don't want that. I know you're in pain…"

His voice is cut off, he reaches an understanding of what he has done now that his life is seriously in jeopardy, but she no longer wants to hear it.

Willow's head tilts maniacally to the side, her eyebrows rise slightly in the middle and her mouth enunciates her vampiric doppelganger trademark.

"Bored now."

Turning to walk away, she hangs her hand outwards and spreads her fingers. His clothes and skin are immediately ripped from his bones, his muscles grip the posture for a split second before the remainder of his being hangs limply from the ties.

Her friends stop their descent to her and pause in complete disbelief.

"Oh my God." Xander exhales in shock.

"What did you do?" Buffy asks the air quietly.

Raising her voice she asks again. "Willow, what did you do?!"

Powering the corpse of her victim to instantly incinerate, her orbs change from complete black to an even more demonic ring of fire. She looks to her friends who are still looking on with their mouths wide open, she calmly states, "One down." And disappears as her essence turns to mist in the wind. ***

It was not the first time Willow had heard that particular quote, and unfortunately throughout her fucked up existence of eternal confusion, it probably wouldn't be the last either.

* * *

Faith stood still in the doorway of Willow's old room, the voices from downstairs were getting louder and more insistent, and yet Tara hadn't moved to greet the visitors. Faith wasn't even sure she was still on this realm.

"T, seriously. You 'kay?" Faith asked again.

Closing the door behind her, she walked closer to Tara, who had been mindlessly staring at the window in the room for a good ten minutes. Careful not to startle the resurrected wicca, she softly placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

An entire day had passed, and Tara had not opened up anymore about her death, afterlife nor resurrection. Faith had stayed close to her, offering her anything she needed whilst Dawn moped in her room, and Buffy cried and slept off her hangover. It had been an emotionally tiring day for all, and Faith was not really surprised when Tara had looked deeply into her eyes and asked her to hold her into the night.

Now though, it was time for them to begin researching what the hell was going on, and let Tara get reacquainted with the other scoobies, all of whom were waiting downstairs whilst Tara stared out a window.

_Maybe she's snapped. _Faith thought to herself._ Angel said that he was weird when he got back, and that B was wicked strange for a while. Maybe innocent lil T just can't hack the real world again._

Faith rubbed Tara's tense shoulder muscles a little harder and waited for Tara to realise that she was with her.

"We should help it." Tara said aloud.

Faith flinched at the sudden sound, but recovered quickly.

"Help what T?" She asked, somewhat glad that Tara was actually back to reality... Well possibly back.

The wicca's hand seemed to move in slow motion as she extended her right index finger and pointed to a wasp desperately trying to climb up the window.

"It's getting weaker. Maybe it will die."

"Maybe." Faith replied, unsure as to if her new friend actually had a point, or was just slowly going crazy.

The wasps hum resonated around them, increasing in intensity and volume as it frantically tried to climb higher and higher to freedom. Falling to the bottom again, it wiggled its behind and began its ascent once more.

The slayer tried her very best to just watch the creature, trying to clear her mind and focus only on why its presence was so intriguing to the blonde. Becoming confused and slightly bored after only a minute of staring, Faith looked sideways to Tara and could make out a droplet making a shiny path down her cheek.

Stepping backwards, she removed her hand momentarily from Tara's shoulder and grabbed her trusty knife from inside her boot. Unsheathing it silently, she held the blade under the struggling wasp and moved it to the open crack in the window allowing it to fly off.

Whilst re-sheathing her favourite weapon by touch, Faith kept her eyes on the blonde that was beginning to fall apart. Tara's muscles relaxed as the wasp flew to freedom and a newfound chance at life. Tears fell freely from her eyes, and she found herself being tightly embraced before the complete energy loss found her falling to the ground.

"It's alright T." Faith soothed into her ear, whilst rubbing her back. "We'll sort this shit out. It'll be 'kay."

With pure adoration, Tara looked deeply into Faith's eyes.

"You saved it."

"Yah." Faith replied, feeling a little uneasy at the tension that was starting to form between them.

Staring back towards the window again, Tara's hand reached to her own shoulder and followed her skin downwards slowly, stopping the motions when her palm rested over her heart.

"I died here." Tara barely whispered. Luckily Faith was in such close proximity and had enhanced slayer hearing, and so was able to hear her words. Trying to maintain her hardcore façade, she said nothing, and patiently waited for Tara to talk. She hoped beyond hope that if Tara talked now, she would feel or atleast appear better to the others, and they would not judge her too harshly when she spoke to them shortly... Or more accurately, Faith corrected, was interrogated by them shortly.

"Wish I could have been saved that easily." Tara's eyes found the floor, unable to look at Faith. "Although, I might not have met you if I hadn't have died and come back here." Tara was engulfed by the slayers strength a little more and found herself feeling immediately less overwhelmed.

"Well, met you like this. The new and improved Faith 3000, not the erm, one I met at the Bronze."

"What else do ya r'member?" Faith asked softly, maintaining her tight grip around the blonde as they knelt uncomfortably on the floor.

Tara paused.

Pulling in a long breath, she prepared herself to face the truth.

"I remember my childhood home, my bedroom with its complete disarray of colours and fabrics scattered around. The lights that hung from my ceiling so that I could pretend I was outside watching the stars whilst I slept with my stuffed animal, a straggly handmade cat called Miss Kitty. Waking up to the scent of my Mom baking upside-down pineapple cake when my Dad was away from home. Trippin' up the first day at school and scraping my brand new backpack, getting in t-trouble for ruining the pack."

Tara grimaced at the memory, but a gentle squeeze urged her to continue.

"Erm, getting in trouble at church for questioning one of the bible stories."

Faith grinned and Tara couldn't help but smile at the memory as well.

"It just never made sense to me, how could David defeat Goliath?" Tara paused. "And what was Goliath? Was he a really tall man, or an actual giant? I mean, I've never, h-have you ever seen a giant?"

Faith's brow knitted together in thought, and then she shook her head no.

"Nah, but I did beat off a huge original vamp once. Just lil old me and my bare hands."

Realising that being good, and on the road to redemption required being honest, she rephrased.

"Well, me, my hands and B with a giant wooden stake." Shrugging her shoulders ever so innocently, Tara couldn't help but smile.

"See, that makes sense. Vampire equals stake, a stake reared by an extremely..."At the evil glare that was shot her way, Tara figured she better reword.

"...Not one, but _two_ extremely skilled and superpowerfully-enhanced chosen ones. But do giants necessarily have to be killed by a stone to the forehead by a child, well teenager anyway?"

Faith nodded her head emphatically and giggled close to Tara's face. Raising her hand she pointed accusingly at Tara and squinted her eyes in mock suspicion.

"Is this like a real story? It was totally in an ep of Xena the other day."

"Xena? Like the warrior?" Tara asked, slightly unsure at the sincerity of the topic.

"Warrior princess." Faith corrected with a smirk.

At the incredulous look given to her, she waved her hand off dismissing the conversation any further. "What other memories ya got hidden away in there?"

"Erm, I never reached the sand in long jump." Tara admitted somewhat shyly. "I wasn't even that bad at sports, I just really hated doing it in front of others. I guess gym was one of your favourite subjects?"

Guessing that Tara didn't want to just talk about herself, but actually have a two way conversation Faith kept the growl at the back of her throat that normally appeared when she was asked about her past.

"Yah I guess. Not like I really went to school much, ya know? But when I did, I guess it was my best class. I ran track for awhile, figured it might keep me outta trouble, or atleast give me an excuse to not go home straight aft'a school."

"So no cheerleading then?"

"Heh. Hell no. You gotta be all kinds of popular for that, and not just some dumb street kid always in and outta trouble that all the other kids either avoid or beat on."

"Yea, I didn't really have friends at school either, I was always the quiet religious one. Worse in high school, and when my Mom died, I wasn't just the almost invisible church geek, I was the freak being raised by her, well by her misogynistic Dad. Pretty much why I chose Sunnydale college, pretty easy to get in to, and really far away from that place." Sensing Faith's complete discomfort at the serious turn of the conversation, she reverted to happier memories.

"I remember meeting Buffy, becoming friends, meeting her friends. Discussing books with Mr Giles, comics with Xander and mostly I just remember being scared of Anya." She smirked.

Tara removed herself from Faith's hold and leaned back against the windowsill. Faith also took the opportunity to rearrange how she was sat, slayer body or not, sitting on the floor got more and more uncomfortable as you got older.

At Tara's single eyebrow lift, Faith eventually settled down next to Tara. Not crowding Tara, whilst remaining in close enough proximity to provide comfort if needed. Faith was learning how to deal with people, and her pride was evident in her gleaming shit eating grin.

"And just what are you smiling at?" Tara playfully asked, already knowing the answer from the emotions radiating off of her.

"I'm waitin' for ya to get to the good bits."

"The good bits?"

"Yea ya know, the juicy details. Down and dirty sex or probs more your style, makin' lurve." Faith smirked before making finger bunny ears to demonstrate her sarcasm, "Your ''accidental'' gropes in the night on one smokin' hot chosen one."

They both laughed, genuinely enjoying one another's company, until Buffy's voice shouting up the stairs made them remember that they didn't just have all day to themselves. At some point Tara would have to go downstairs and face them all.

It wasn't that she didn't want to see them.

It was just that she didn't want to answer all the questions, and the looks, and the reminder that she had no idea about Willow, and no, she didn't know why she was alive or back, or if it had anything to do with the powers that be, or in which afterlife dimension she had gone to.

Tara was a gentle soul, and usually a very patient and understanding person. But right now, she was struggling to not follow through with the semi-constructed plan of jumping out the window and hot wiring Giles' midlife crisis mobile.

"Be right there." She said aloud as she rose from her seat at the windowsill, very much appreciating the brief but relaxing shoulder massage being given.

* * *

"Tara!" Giles shouted in complete disbelief.

He of course had known that she was back, and that was his reason for this very visit, but he hadn't yet let himself believe it fully.

Yet another resurrected soul under this very roof that he got to welcome back.

Giles wasn't a particularly observant man, at least not when it came to your normal everyday humans, but right now he couldn't help but be observant. Tara was thinner than he remembered, her hourglass figure not as prominent as before, her clothes not so much eccentric hippy as Elvira, and her eyes no longer screamed innocence and soulful, having been replaced with tired and just been crying. She wasn't the same physically as she had been, but Giles prayed against hope that she had the same gentle soul as ever.

Lifting himself from the sofa in one swift motion that would have made him proud in his younger days, he urged his feet forward and engulfed Tara in his arms. Pulling back from the hug that had come as a small shock to both of them, he grabbed both of her hands in his and looked down at her.

"God, it's good to see you back."

Tara smiled politely, feeling a little overwhelmed at all of the attention. Checking around the room she saw all eyes on her.

Buffy with her arm around Dawn's shoulders in the doorway, both looking on with a smile that was conservative for the occasion. Dawn's eyes were red raw from crying, and Buffy still looked a little hungover.

Xander sat on the single seat in the lounge, his whole upper body bent forwards with his chin resting on his hands. The tear marks on his cheeks were evident, but the most obvious thing to Tara was his grief that was emanating off of him in waves. He looked on at the reunion with less gusto than the others in the room, simply raising his blood shot eyes upwards to take in Tara's appearance. His jaw was set tightly, until he opted for chewing on the inside of his cheek roughly instead.

Tara noted the way in which Anya was sat on the armrest next to him, it was far closer than one would expect for a jilted ex-vengeance demon. Her hand that rested behind his back but not touching him in his fragile state said more than words ever could. Anya pulled her eyes from Xander's form and smiled at Tara.

Tara figured Anya had learnt to be human well lately, the smile hadn't reached Anya's eyes, but Tara appreciated it more because of that.

Letting her eyes drift, Tara looked at Faith who was stood behind her, hands in pockets, shoulders hunched forwards. Despite the uncaring and casual stance, her penetrating stare told the truth of how worried she was about Tara's safety right there and then. It was almost like having a bodyguard watching your every move, ready to throw herself into the midst of battle if the occasion should arise.

Tara winked at Faith, and gave a small smile that crunched up her nose at the same time. It was a strange thing for her to have done, but it seemed to have eased Faith's concern as she smiled backwards and relaxed her tense muscles.

Feeling a squeeze on her hands she looked back to Giles, who was looking on with a furrowed brow in concern for Tara's lack of response.

"It's great to see you too Mr Giles." Tara replied somewhat robotically, managing to throw in a believable smile at the same time.

Giles noted her apprehensiveness in answering and her eyes that shifted around the room to each person in there. Tara had never exactly been the most comfortable and outgoing of the scoobies, but she had not appeared this nervous in many years.

Her baby blues glistened up at him, combined with an angelic smile that highlighted her cheekbones even more and Giles ignored his earlier inward ramblings about her physical appearance.

Of course she was the same Tara as before, who else could she be?


	28. Lies

**Chapter 28: Lies**

"If you all don't mind, I'm going to take a few minutes before dinner?"

"No of course not Tara, please do." Giles replied.

It had been an extremely long day. Tara had felt like she had just been interrogated, and gladly would have taken some form of physical pain to have avoided 'the talk.'

Of course, it had been completely expected. The Scoobies had to know what she remembered and where she had been, although she had lied to them. Honesty was something that Tara honoured above all, feeling that mistakes were essential, but owning up to them was completely necessary for growth.

She had come to a decision though, that the mystery of the afterlife should remain just that, a mystery. It was not her place to inform them of the truths in great detail, to ease their worrying though, she had told them that she had remembered being happy and in good company.

Tara had not missed the look on Buffy's face as she had said her memory was fuzzy about her time in Heaven, it had been almost accusatory. Unfortunately due to the strength of the emotions in the room already, it was too hard for her to individualise Buffy's aura, leaving her wondering if Buffy had just found the other only person in the world who knew what she had been through and was lying about it, or if she honestly didn't remember but suspected that Tara did. Tara didn't know, and she really didn't want to fret on it.

The day had already been too long, and filled with tears from most of the Scoobies. Particularly regarding the conversation on the unfavourable topic of Willow. A string of events were thrown Tara's way, and each and every time Tara couldn't recall Willow ever being there. Photographs were flung into her hands, many of the Scoobies as a whole, but some of just her and Willow in loving positions, smiling at the camera with arms interlinked, and even a couple of cheeky photo's snapped of them kissing.

It was undeniable that Willow was extremely beautiful to Tara, who had stroked her finger along each and every photo of the redheads face, finding it aggravating and upsetting that she recognised the places the photo's were being taken and even some of the days, but not the beautiful woman who stood with her.

Tara climbed to her feet and began to walk away from the group in the lounge. Upon reaching the front door she turned her head back, catching Faith's glance. Her eyebrows and smile signalled that she didn't want to stand alone, and Faith followed happily.

They walked out into the front yard, breathing deeply at the freedom the cooler outside air brought them both. Tara's shoes were removed before she had even reached the grass and with arms outstretched she swirled in circles, her head held up to the skies appreciating the beauty of the stars that were glowing extra brightly tonight.

It had been a stressful day, but with watching the sunrise with Faith this morning, and seeing the abundance of sparkling stars tonight, she figured it could have been far worse.

"Shid, dat was tough T." Faith commented, her speech muffled as she lit a well deserved cigarette. Her first inhale was loud and held for far longer than usual, eventually exhaling a large cloud of smoke she sighed. Removing her boots, she walked to Tara standing off the front path, grinning at the innocence she was shown. Holding out the packet diagonally, Tara stopped spinning momentarily, and grabbed one.

"Thanks." Tara restrained a smile as Faith lit her cigarette tip for her. "Such a gentleman." She joked after exhaling her first toke.

Faith playfully shrugged. "Glad ya called a timeout. That was rough in there Blondie."

"Yea, understandable though." Tara inhaled slowly, feeling her muscles start to relax. "They have to know everything, they've lost one of their best friends only to get me in return."

"A fuckin' good switch if ya ask me." Faith shouted at Tara, a little surprised at the sincerity her voice held. She attempted to gain her composure back by sucking on her cigarette roughly, pleading for the nicotine to relieve her frustrations hastily.

"Don't say that Faith."

"It's da truth. You're ten of her. Jesus T, you're a hundred of each of 'em in there."

Tara sighed, throwing her head sideways in disagreement. "A life is a life. I don't remember Willow, but from what I've heard, she's touched many lives, saved many of them withou..."

"Took them lives too though din't she?" Faith interrupted bitterly.

"As have you." Tara wished she could have taken it back as soon as she had said it.

Faith's face dropped, each feature drooping as if fighting gravity was too much effort at that second. It was a look much like a begging puppy, possible to ignore but painful after anyway.

Inwardly swearing she let out a deep guttural sigh. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"Forget 'bout it." Faith immediately replied, already further away and placing her boots back on.

"Faith, please don't." Tara pleaded, following Faith further towards the house again.

Both cigarettes reached the ground at the same time; Faith's was thrown roughly to the other side of the yard, Tara's was dropped in shock as Faith spun around at the speed of light, an almost evil feral look on her face.

"Run!" Faith screamed, already rushing towards the street.

Tara ran inside, her adrenalin fuelling her body into action before she could even comprehend what was happening.

"Buffy!" Tara screamed as loudly as she could, running through the front door and stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "Buffyyyyyyy!" She called again, ignoring the looks from Giles and Anya.  
Buffy ran to screams as fast as she could, barely bringing herself to a stop in front of the door as Tara pointed outside.

Faith was currently at the losing end of a struggling battle against at least 15 hooded beings. Each one stood surrounding her, trying their best to get around her limited defences. Their curved knives glistened in the moonlight, some tipped with a dripping red liquid. A few dead hooded creatures laid around her feet, their knives still gripped in their hands, Faith weaponless and unable to grab one quick enough and defend at the same time.

Buffy ran out of the house, throwing herself into the fray and grabbing two from behind smashing their heads together, pulling two more backwards by their hoods before the first pairs unconscious bodies had even hit the grass.

Faith lashed out with as many kicks and punches as she could throw, alternating her angles in order to defend against the different foes attacking her all at once. She continued on as best she could, her stomach muscles seemed tighter than usual, and she was finding it increasingly difficult to twist her torso.

Tara stood in the doorway, feeling completely useless. This was a battle for Slayers only, this was not a battle for a newly resurrected witch to jump into. Xander practically slid down the stairs to get to the front door, he tagged Giles on the shoulder as he ran out, obviously feeling that this was their battle also. They charged at the creatures still surrounding a quickly diminishing Faith and silently took up their well rehearsed positions.

Xander hit out with his bare fists at one of the creatures, Giles aiding him by holding it from behind, pinning his arms down thus controlling the movement of the knives. Giles bent the demons right arm upwards in front of him and Xander swung his fist upwards into the creatures elbow, making the demon stab himself in the neck. Whilst his body fell, the pair of men had already begun finding a new target to tag team to death.

Anya sprinted to the weapons chest pulling two swords, an axe, and a wooden stake. She ran in a seemingly random pattern out of the door and through the front yard, continuously missing curved knives swiping the air around her by a narrow margin. She threw a sword in Faith's general direction, hoping that the slayer was still well enough to both get to it, and to wield the weapon. She shoved the axe handle into Giles' hand and tossed the sword to land at Buffy's feet, taking up the stake in her own hand she began pummelling the unconscious creatures laid on the grass, pressing the wood deep into their chests hoping that even if they weren't vampires, they'd still die.

Faith reached for the sword, plunging it deep in to one of the creatures necks on the uptake, pulling it free, she ignored the blood that splattered her face and pushed the sword behind her, stabbing one in the stomach.

Mindful not to trip over one of the heads she had just taken off, Buffy made her way over to Faith, calling out that she was behind so no accidents would occur.

Backs to each other the Slayers fought like they did in the old days, both remembering each others moves so well that they once again proved worthy of a synchronised slaying award, continuing until all of the demons were down, unconscious or dead.

Tara was still standing in the doorway, looking completely awestruck at what had happened. Everybody had aided somehow except her. They had all known what to do, taking down a huge group of demons together whilst she stood pathetically on the side-lines watching, completely frozen in fear.

Perhaps she had gone soft after her stint in Heaven. She had never been much of a fighter, but she was sure that she remembered herself having a part to play, that wasn't so pathetic and useless. Even Anya had thrown herself in to the battle to help her friends, even Anya!

"Everyone okay?" Buffy asked aloud, checking over a cut on Giles' eyebrow roughly. It didn't appear very deep, the majority of blood on his face probably wasn't even his.

"I'm good." Xander replied, patting his hands over himself, in his usual post-battle limb check.

"Yes." Giles replied, rubbing his eyebrow cut which was stinging far more now.

"I think so." Anya called out, rushing to Xander's side and embracing him tightly, both forgetting the awkwardness they were meant to still have with each other.

"Dawn!" Buffy screamed, running inside the house to check on her sister.

"T, ya 'kay?" Faith called to the sky.

Tara was finally unfrozen, she dashed to Faith's side and slid her body to the floor, kneeling at her side. Faith was laid on her back, her chest heaving rapidly as she struggled for breath, her face was smashed up pretty badly, her arms had many little cuts over them, but Tara was most worried about the slash across Faith's ribs.

"God Faith, you're bleeding badly." Tara said unnecessarily, ripping the torn material open further to examine the wound.

* * *

"If you all don't mind, I'm going to take a few minutes before dinner?"

"No of course not Tara, please do." Giles replied.

They all watched as Tara walked away, not missing the bounce in Faith's step as she followed behind. The door closed shut, and the Scoobies allowed themselves to exhale.

"Man that was tough." Buffy voiced, her whole demeanour changing from before. Slumping her shoulders forward, bending at her waist and dropping her head in her hands, she breathed out loudly. The others nodded around her, each taking the opportunity to relax a little before the conversation had to start again.

"Yes, she wasn't overly forthright in her answers." Giles stated, enjoying his relaxation moment with a little glasses cleaning.

"Can say that again." Buffy responded.

"But she has been through quite the ordeal. You of all people should understand that Buffy."

"I get it, I just don't get why she's lying."

Giles placed his glasses back on at a speed that left them slanted on his nose.  
"She was lying?" He asked, obviously stunned at the comment. He maintained eye contact with Buffy whilst he rearranged his glasses into their normal positioning on the bridge of his nose.

"Oh yea." Anya joined in. "I've seen some bad liars in my time, I've punished a lot of them, but she really is a terrible terrible liar."

"When?" Giles asked, still disbelieving that Tara could have possibly lied to them.

"Ya see, it's all in the body language. The eyes to the side, the closing of the arms and shoulders. D'Hoffryn always used to ask how I knew but he never actually listened to me whe..."

"Anya! For Gods sake, what was she lying about?!"

"Heaven." Buffy replied simply. "There was something about the way she described it. She's lying about something."

"Buffy, are you quite sure?" Giles asked, concerned at what was being implied.

She felt no reason to voice her answer, instead she simply maintained eye contact with him. That was all that was needed for him to understand that Buffy truly believed Tara was lying about this.

"She's not her!" Xander roared out, no longer able to hold it together and just bite his tongue. "She's not Tara!" He pushed himself up from the chair and stood in front of them, adopting a pose much like a lawyer would before addressing the jury. "That thing killed Willow and has taken Tara's fucking form!"

"Xander. Willow wasn't killed, she took her own..."

"Don't you dare tell me you believe that! Willow just disappears and then _she_ turns up with no memory of her?! Come on Buff, open your eyes here. This has Hellmouth written all over it!"

Dawn stood up from her seat, and stood next to Xander. Looking Buffy directly in the eye, she debated how to word it. "Buffy, it does seem a little coincidental. And, well, Tara's hardly been herself."

Buffy stood up, placing her hand on her hip she looked at them both dubiously. Moving her hand to her head, she massaged her eyebrows with her thumb and middle finger. Her hangover was still looming over her, and this was all she needed after an incredibly bad month. She looked over to Giles who nodded slowly, then to Anya who shrugged her shoulders with a sad smile.

Buffy paused, looking up to the ceiling for answers. "Dawn, go check in the basement through Faith's stuff. They've been too friendly, perhaps she's working with fake Tara on something."

Dawn nodded, walking briskly to the kitchen to descend the basement stairs.

Buffy looked back to Giles, her facial expression showing a considerable degree of I-told-you-so-ness.  
"Maybe Faith hasn't changed that much."

"We know nothing for certain Buffy. I agree, of course it is mystical, but it may have been Willow's plan."

Buffy uttered her disgust deep down in her throat. Surely Willow hadn't planned this. God, which option was worse? Willow killed herself and somebody made a Tara imposter, or Willow killed herself so her soul mate could live again?! Buffy shook her head clearing her thoughts away, getting back on task.

"Xander, check Willow's old room. See if there's anything obviously outta place up there."

"Out of place how?" He asked, pulling his body back with effort as his heart and head cheered for more than this pathetic little mission, and something more bloody and killy.

"Gems, maps, list of names, dates. Anything that seems like Tara wouldn't need it, and Will wouldn't have just left out." Xander ran up the stairs, taking them 3 stairs at a time in an attempt to expel some energy and do some good for his dead best friend.

"You two stay here, I'm gonna go finish up dinner. I think it's best we all play along until we know for sure."

"Buffy!" Buffy turned her head and dropped the plate in her hand, making a dash for the front door where she heard Tara screaming from. "Buffyyyyyyy!"

* * *

"God Faith, you're bleeding badly." Tara said unnecessarily, ripping the torn material open further to examine the wound.

Tara ran her thumb over the gash in Faith's side, the pooling blood moving as she did so, allowing her to gauge the depth of the injury. It wasn't a particularly deep wound, but it was an extremely nasty one. One of the demons had managed to get its knife under Faith's skin sideways, and then swiped, effectively cutting skin from muscle.

"How's it lookin' T?" Faith asked, aware that her side was hurting badly now that the adrenalin rush was over.

Tara looked down at Faith, trying to seem genuinely unconcerned and calm.

"I've seen worse." Tara shrugged. It was true, she had seen worse before. But not by much, and probably not on anybody still alive. "Should probably get you to the hospital and get it checked out though." She added on the end, hoping to continue the calm façade.

Giles kneeled next to Faith on the ground. He pulled off his blazer quickly, pulling out his shirt tails at the same time. Ripping his shirt as best he could to make a quick homemade bandage, he hovered over Tara's hands, silently urging her to move her hands and use the shirt instead.

"Anya, can you transport her to the hospital?" Xander asked, standing hopelessly to the side.

"Transport her?" Anya asked, her eyes fixed on Faith's injury, feeling truly horrified at the sight. Which was ironic considering her past. Wow she really was turning into a good human.

"Yea, ya know, do your vengeancey thing." He illustrated by moving his hands around in the air in front of him.

"For Gods sake Xander, you know it doesn't work like that. Don't you ever listen to me? No one ever listens to me, everybody just expects Anya to have nothing useful to..." Anya moaned on, her previous concern and loving moment with Xander laying completely forgotten.

"Can you guys sort this out some other time and call an ambulance, now!" Tara barked, feeling tears fall as she looked at her hands covered in blood, and the previously white shirt now completely soaked red.

"Already called for." Buffy confirmed as she walked out of the front door, purposely keeping her eyes away from the bleeding form of Faith, and focussing on the post-battle plan. "Guys, help me move these bodies to the bushes. Already gonna be hard enough explaining what happened here."

Dawn followed Buffy out of the door, her arm raised, her hand gripping a notebook tightly, ready to start her confrontation. That was until she saw the scene in front of her.

"Faith." She exhaled, her face overcome with pain at seeing her crush laid out like this. "God, what happened?"

Buffy dropped the dead creature she was dragging along by its arms, and pulled her sister forcefully away.

"Help me move these bodies to the bushes."

"Take an alive one inside, and lock it in the basement. Kill the rest." Giles ordered to the group. No one having enough time to argue or question the request. "Get their weapons inside too." He called as he briefly studied one of the curved knives that wasn't covered in blood.

* * *

"I can take one of you with her, who's it gonna be?" The EMT asked the dodgy looking group stood outside the house. Their ripped clothes and bloody wounds making it obvious that they had been in a fight recently.

Fortunately the good medical workers of Sunnydale knew better than to ask questions about strange circumstances, particularly to this well known and often visited address.

"Me." Tara called out, already climbing into the back of the vehicle.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to go back already?" Tara asked Faith for the third time as she wheeled her to the exit.

"Yes T. Slayer healin' is fuckin' great, but it makes Docs ask questions."

Faith couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. She was still feeling like crap, but she couldn't risk staying incase Willow's rewrite of her life, hadn't worked completely. Tara had been great and not corrected her when she'd given Buffy's details as her own for the insurance papers.

Thinking about it, that probably wasn't going to end well for Faith, no doubt Buffy would be pissed at that. Hopefully Faith could just play the 'recently injured' card, and not get too much of a lecture about premiums and fraud and shit.

"It's just, I'm not sure that it's a good idea Faith. I mean you were..."

"T, chill out. I got stitched up, doped up and ya got to see my smokin' hot ass in a hospital gown. Not a bad nights work." Tara couldn't help but laugh, if nothing else Faith was quick to forgive others. She was still feeling bad about her comment just before they had been attacked, feeling uneasy that they hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet. It had not escaped her attention that Faith had thrown herself into danger willingly, but kept Tara safe by ordering her to run at just the right moment. More than that, was that Faith had been lying in a pool of her own blood, unable to even sit up straight, yet her main concern had been for Tara's health.

Tara would have to make this up to Faith big time. Her friendship with the dark Slayer, was something that already meant so much to her. Not just anyone would listen to her stuff without judgement, nor would they hold her while she cried herself to sleep. Her friendship with Faith was probably the only thing keeping her even remotely sane at the moment.

"Yea, I guess it worked out well really. An eye for an eye, a butt for a butt." Tara replied, trying to keep Faith's spirits high.

* * *

"I really hope your Slayer healing kicks in well tonight, you're looking awful." Tara commented whilst tucking Faith in to Willow's old bed. She passed her a bottle of water, undoing the cap, as if she were passing the drink to a child. "There's no pain pills around I'm afraid, so you'll just have to brave it in the morning if you're not healed."

"Hopefully I'll still be sick tomorrow if you're offerin' to play nurse." Faith gave her trademark grin, combined with playfully risen eyebrows. Unfortunately they didn't look quite right on somebody so pale, sweaty and bruised.

"Get some rest you. I'm gonna be downstairs doing some research on those things that attacked tonight, shout if you need anything." Tara smiled, leaning down to smooth back Faith's hair that was sticking to her forehead. "Be a good patient for Nurse Maclay." She joked before leaving the room.

Faith twisted the lid back on to her bottled water and placed it on the bedside table. Her eyes fell onto something that laid on there, something she had not noticed before. Grimacing as she pulled herself upwards into a sitting position, Faith grabbed for the paper.

In her hands, she held an envelope with the handwritten word " Everyone," she knew she shouldn't open it. She knew it wasn't her place to, but Faith wasn't completely redeemed and her curiosity just got the better of her.

What would a person like Willow leave as a goodbye? What would somebody say in a suicide letter to friends who were more like family?

Peeling open the top of the envelope, Faith pulled out the single sheet of paper and began reading.

* * *

_To Everyone,_

_This is not a note of apology, but one of goodbye._

_I realise the beautiful friendships that I held so close have eventually broken down, and are soon to disappear forever. Please understand I do not blame you for that, it was of course my fault._

_I know that you said goodbye to me a long time ago, May 7_

_th last year really. But I leave you this in the hope that we can get our final ending, so we can shut that book, and you can move on in the good fight without me._

_Tara was not only my partner but my soul mate. She was my life, filling moments of dire reality, she allowed the promise of something better to always be there. She gave me a reason to never give up hope, and to fight the losing battle without fear or uncertainty._

_I don't know why it happened, but something stopped us from building our lives together, and instead ripped her from this realm._

_Now, I have no reason to continue. Tara's light has been taken from the world, from me, and I'm sucking the light out of her memory. I gave myself one year to try every spell possible, to pray to each and every God in turn and to give whatever was needed to get her back._

_But I have failed, so instead, I leave you with my goodbye message._

_Thank you for being you. All of you. Thank you for trying to save the world over and over again. Thank you for sharing your heart, your house and you sacred duties with me. Thank you for trying to be there before everything fell apart._

_I will always treasure the memories I hold of you all, and I hope in return, you will remember me. The happy me, the one that tried to show you love each and every day._

_Remember I'll be with you when you need me most, and at your side in every battle, if I can, I'll send true happiness your way, and wake you in the midst of your nightmares._

_But for now, I need to be with Tara again._  
_See you on the other side,_  
_All my love,_  
_Willow._

* * *

As soon as Faith had finished reading it, she knew she shouldn't have.

"Shit." She called to the empty room.


	29. Sinful

**Chapter 29: Sinful**

Xander let himself through the front door and struggled through to the kitchen, his hands full of various different hot drinks from the Espresso Pump. He laid the drinks down, and made eye contact with Buffy briefly, she looked beyond tired and Xander reckoned that she had probably slept the least out of all of them last night.

"Morning Buff." He called to her whilst passing her an overly sugared mocha. "You gonna do the thing today?" He asked, his voice sounding friendly and hopeful.

Buffy could barely focus her eyes on him properly, she was tired, exhausted even. It had been one hell of a late night researching party last night, and she couldn't even drift off once everybody had eventually called it a night. Of course, as per usual they had found nothing useful in Giles' books regarding the strange creatures, and the one locked up in the basement just refused to talk to them. Even holding his tongue after Giles did his ever so secret torture move on him, that one that he flat out refuses to teach the rest of them.

"What thing?" She mumbles whilst taking a sip of her mocha, immediately feeling lighter as the caffeine rich sweetness reaches her taste buds.

Xander takes a seat next to her at the kitchen table and grabs his own drink, pulling the lid off and letting the trapped steam escape. He takes a second to inhale deeply, trying not to lose his cool like he did last night. It is not often that Xander lets loose with his anger, but after all the crap he's been through this past month, after all the crap they've all been through, it's becoming more and more difficult for him to hold it together.

He takes a hopefully calming sip of his Americano and clarifies. "The thing with Tara."

Perhaps clarifies is too strong a word…

"Buff, she's not Tara. You know it, I know it, we all know it. This fake Tara has gotta be here for a reason right? Did you see how useless she was last night? She didn't even try to help Faith, and they're meant to be like all pally pally. We gotta get her tied up and talking, maybe between her and the creature thing in the basement we can get a picture of what the hell is going on with Willow." He finishes, stopping himself before he really lets his anger out.

As a Scooby, he had come to terms a long time ago that he might have to once again lose a close friend. He'd lost Jesse, he'd lost Buffy for a while, but he had hoped against all hope that he would never be around without Willow. The pain of letting down Anya and losing Willow was starting to take its toll, throw in a sarcastic Faith and a fake resurrected Tara and he was almost praying for his own death just to take the easy way out. But for Willow's soul, for the side of good, he was hanging in there.

"We don't know that Xander. We don't know anything. I'll talk to Tara, but I'm not going to treat her like a prisoner. She might be her Xander, she might be the real Tara. Maybe Willow brought her back, perhaps this was her big successful spell. Maybe Tara doesn't remember her because Will made it that way, so Tara wouldn't have to live without her the way she lived without Tara."

"I dunno Buff." Xander wasn't ready to freely admit that he hadn't thought about it that way. He had automatically assumed the worst in Tara, just like he always had with Angel, just like he had when Buffy came back.

He took another sip of his Americano, suddenly wondering if extra caffeine had been a wise decision. Sighing, he thought back to Tara. "We gotta be right about this. Maybe we should speak to Giles, see if there's a spell we can do to figure it out. Just in case it is her, and then ya know, torturing the real Tara would be bad. "

"Or, we could read the note she left." Buffy suggested, her eyes filling with tears. She hadn't told any of them about the suicide note she had found. She didn't want to read it, and she didn't want them to read it. Once it's been read, then that's it. Then they just accept that she's dead and they move on with their lives. Something that Buffy certainly wasn't ready to do just yet.

"That who left?" Xander asked warily. Of course deep down he knew what kind of note, and left by whom. But it seemed appropriate that he should check before freaking out.

"Willow." Buffy threw her hands up to wipe at her rapidly falling tears. "She left a note." Before Xander had a chance to ask, she quickly jumped in. "I didn't read it. I swear. I haven't read it yet, I-I couldn't, but I saw it that night, the night Tara came back. An envelope, in Willow's handwriting, and it's addressed to everyone."

"Where?"

"Her room."

Slayer speed aside, Xander was at the top of the stairs before Buffy had even gotten out of her seat. He didn't bother to knock on the door, instead just throwing it open and letting it bang against the wall behind it. Visually searching the room, he figured that there weren't many hiding places left for the note, it would either be on the nightstand or in her desk. Knowing Faith was still sleeping, Xander didn't even care as he shoved himself down on the bed and reached over her body to the nightstand.

Faith's arm shot up, and had Xander in a tight choke hold as if it were a natural born reflex. She threw him off of the bed with such force that he hit the wall on the other side of the room and slid down it to the floor.

"Shit!" She called, struggling to get out of bed with her healing, but not quite fixed, knife wound. "I'm real sorry Xan." She urged, trying not to panic that she had just hurt one of the Scoobies. That's the thing about being on the path of redemption, it can get really depressing. It's not an easy transition between rogue, I-don't-give-a-flying-fuck badass Slayer to oh-no-I-bruised-them pathetic redeeming Slayer.

Of course, when Buffy walked in to the room, Xander sprawled out on the floor and Faith having a mini freak out didn't quite look as innocent and accidental as it had been.

Without planning it, Buffy was already on top of Faith, her hands around her throat squeezing the life from her. Faith tried her hardest to pry Buffy's hands off of her throat, but with her injury, diminishing supply of oxygen and concern for hurting Buffy in the process, she couldn't quite push her off hard enough. Faith began to see black dots clouding her vision, but she figured that being this close to Buffy as she died wasn't the worst way that she could go. In fact, if she had to die, this was quite a wicked method.

Painfully giving in to the black dots, Faith went limp.

In an instant, Buffy found herself being thrown upwards from Faith's body and making harsh contact with the ceiling before crashing back down and landing on her front. Grasping at her nose, that was bleeding profusely but didn't feel broken, she looked up at Faith laying on the bed. Buffy tried to determine where the hell Faith had gotten such crazy strength from, and was more than prepared to question her. But Faith remained completely still on the bed.

Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy spotted Tara standing in the doorway. Her fingertips glowing, her hair windswept and her eyes furious.

Yep. Fake Tara or not, this Tara was completely high on magic right now. Shit.

* * *

Feeling moisture on his crappy squashed cushion, Giles eased himself in to a sitting position. He reached for his glasses with his eyes closed, expecting them to be in the same place as always, on the nightstand next to his bed. It took him a moment before he realised that he wasn't in his bed and his glasses were instead barely hanging on to his nose crookedly. Pulling his glasses on properly, he took the time to wipe at his incredibly sticky mouth, and eventually opened his eyes, grimacing at the large round blotch of drool that covered the cushion. He decided just to turn it over, and deal with it at a later stage, he'd probably be sleeping here on the sofa again tonight anyway.

Giles stood up and slowly stretched his back out, trying to click each one of his vertebrae in order. It was bad enough being his age; but being his age, sleeping on a sofa and constantly being huddled over books was just incredibly bad for your back. Not to mention how many times he had damaged it when sparring, as well as in battle.

Not that he admitted freely to it, of course. He didn't want to be seen as the decrepit retired Watcher that he truly was, inside he still had a little bit of Ripper burning through his veins, often trying to make its presence known. He wouldn't lie, he felt a little bit more Ripper every time he got to torture someone, well demon someone, he wasn't into torturing humans anymore. Unless they were Ethan, and then perhaps he'd make an exception to that rule.

Feeling satisfied that his back was stretched to a comfortable degree, Giles eyed his books that littered the lounge coffee table. Some just piled high, many open on random pages of demon mug shots, ripped pages of handwritten notes laced around, and what appeared to be a mosaic attempt made out of sticky-notes. Figuring it could wait five minutes, he walked into the empty kitchen and filled the kettle. Inwardly deciding whether to have a nice cup of tea or to get straight in to research preparation and down a strong and bitter coffee. Eying the slowly diminishing darkness out the kitchen window, Giles figured it was definitely a tea morning, complete with watching the sun rise.

Giles leaned his left arm on the wooden handrail outside of the backdoor, cradling his strong earl grey in his right. He breathed in the fresh air, and the scent of his tea and already felt more awake, despite only falling asleep about two hours ago. He couldn't lie though, he was startled when he heard a faint 'hello' coming from the yard in front of him that was not yet lit up by the sun. Preparing to retreat back into the house and hopefully away from danger, before he had managed to link the voice to a now standing Tara.

"Tara." He called needlessly, clutching at his heart with his left hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were out here."

Tara looked over sweetly, and began approaching him on the deck. "I'm sorry Mr Giles, I couldn't sleep." She sat down on the deck, and Giles took the hint to sit down as well. Shuffling his butt around until he was semi comfortable on the wooden decking.

"I thought I might catch the sun rise." He whispered to her, now that she was in closer proximity. He didn't want to wake the others yet, to be frank he was quite enjoying the thought of having some time to himself to research without the sighing and moaning from the others.

Not that Tara was a burden by being here, no, it gave them an excellent opportunity to have a chat.

"Me too."

Giles turned to face Tara. She was looking tired, but no more than the rest of them. She was still wearing Faith's clothing, having not been out of the house since she returned, aside from going to the hospital last night. He had to admit, Buffy was right about many things, but in this instance regarding Tara being an imposter, he just couldn't see it being true. She was still Tara, just a darker version of her former self, which really considering the strange circumstances, was understandable. Perhaps this was just Tara without Willow, maybe if they had met without her falling in love with Willow she would have been this way.

"Have you checked in on Faith?" He asked, feeling that he should get started on a conversation, and not just bask in his own thoughts and memories.

"I did. She was sleeping, she seemed fine though."

"Good. That's good. The wound was nauseating, I hope she has recovered well today." Giles cringed, had he really been out of the loop for so long that conversations with the Scoobies about everyday things were really this difficult?

Tara mumbled an agreeing reply. She reached in to her loaned jeans, that she had to admit were ever so slightly too snug and pulled out a fresh packet of cigarettes and a cheap disposable lighter. Pulling the cellophane off the packet, and ripping the inner foil, she released a cigarette in to her hand. Not wanting to be rude, she offered the packet to Giles, who to her surprise took one out.

She offered the lighter to Giles before sparking her tip.

"I didn't know you smoked." She commented.

"I didn't know you did either." He replied with a smile, sipping at his tea before taking another puff.

"What is it that you're wanting to ask Mr Giles?" Tara asked, knowing that Giles was conjuring up a way to subtly ask a question without making the conversation awkward.

"As astute as ever I see." He smiled, before continuing. "How are you? I mean really?"

"I'm doing okay. It's strange to be back, and I feel a little…" Tara trailed off, not sure she knew the words to describe it.

"Out of sorts?" He offered for her.

"Yes I guess so. I suppose it'll just take me some time to get back into the routine of everything, demon attacks included."

"To be frank with you Tara, I believe we have all been a little out of sorts lately. Well, for a while now."

Giles inhaled his smoke deeply, preparing himself to speak honestly.

"After you died, we all got a little lost. Willow especially, she got completely lost, and we all allowed it to happen."

"You can't blame yourself for what happened Mr Giles." She interrupted, not allowing him to take the blame for Willow's suicide.

"No, no it's not that. I mean, that is part of it I suppose. We all blame ourselves now, for not being there, not being ready to listen. The hardest part is I think we all blame each other a little too. But that is beside the point, what I meant to say, what I'm trying, really trying to say, is that we are all a little out of sorts."

Giles took a sip of his rapidly cooling tea, and decided to finish it off completely before speaking again. He breathes in another tobacco filled breath and savours the taste of Ripper he's experiencing, allowing him to feel just a little stronger and more confident than a moment ago.

"We drifted far apart from each other, and I think now we're just starting to get reacquainted again. Not just with you, but with each other, with all of us. Trying to do that whilst mourning for Willow, and celebrating your return, is well, really rather confusing. Throw in Faith, the escaped convict and some nasty demon attacks, and well, it's truly befuddling."

"Stupefying." Tara returns with a smile, trying to edge away from where this conversation is heading already. She of course appreciates that this is difficult for everybody, but she would rather just move past this, get Willow back in Sunnydale and see if her memories simply return. Then she can move on with her life again. They can all move on with their lives.

"Perplexing."

"Mystifying."

"Baffling."

"Discombobulating."

"I concede, you win." Giles says with a smirk. "Discombobulating is my unparalleled favourite word."

Following Giles' lead, Tara flicked her extinguished cigarette butt in to the bushes, before silently excusing herself to lay on the grass. With her head resting on her folded arms behind her, she looked up at the gradually brightening sky and welcomed in a new, and hopefully better day.

Giles took his cue to leave, deciding not to watch the sun rise, but to instead check on their demon hostage in the basement. Although his conversation with Tara had not been overly deep, it was a large leap in returning to a normal environment for her. And if he was pushed to admit it, Giles had somewhat enjoyed getting his own concerns off his chest, and gaining a smile from Tara. It was obvious to him that she was the very same Tara as before.

Grabbing a few books on his way, Giles descended the basement stairs. He was not that surprised to find Anya sat on the floor leaning against the wall, mouth agape and snoring away. But what had taken him by surprise was the demon chained up in the Summer's basement, sat upright on the cot with a knife sticking out of his ribs.

"Anya!" Giles shouted, his anger not well hidden. "What happened in here?"

Anya inhaled loudly, combining it with a snore to make her sound like a strangled pig. "Wha- Huh?" She blinked her eyes awake, to find a very stern Giles looking her way.

"What?" She asked defensively, completely oblivious. Giles looked towards the dead demon on the cot, and Anya followed his eye line. "Oh. Oops." She cringed, sending a fake smile his way. "I think I fell asleep."

"How in Gods name did the demon get a weapon Anya?" Giles asked, his face turning an unhealthy shade of crimson.

"How should I know? When we brought him down, I put his weapons on the table…" Anya stopped, already knowing what had happened. It didn't take Giles long to figure it out.

"The table within the demons proximity? You put the weapons on a table that it can reach!" Giles removed his glasses, feeling an overpowering need to do something with his hands right about now.

"Well, who ties up a demon with a long chain?! What happened to good old rope, or tie wraps, or handcuffs? I mean, Giles." Ending on a tantrum note, Anya realised that she was in the wrong. Something that she did not like to admit to. She acknowledged it by stomping her foot to show her anger, but without verbally having to admit to her slight oversight. At least none of the Scoobies had been harmed by the armed demon, well aside from Faith in the battle last night. It had opted to end its own life rather than attempt escape or negotiate its life for information. Now that was thankfully a rare quality found in a demon.

"I'm sure we'll be attacked again, we can take another one." Anya tried a large smile again, which out of context, looked a little intimidating.

"Yes, what a fantastic plan Anya. Do let's get attacked by the demons that we know nothing about again."

Giles turned around, books still in hand and climbed the stairs. Not bothering to turn back as he spoke to her, "We're leaving for the Magic Box in 20 minutes."

* * *

"Thank you for letting me come as well Mr Giles." Tara politely said as she fiddled with her denim jacket zipper in the front passenger seat of Giles' car. Anya who was sat in the back, with her legs squished together and the beginnings of cramp in one of them resisted the urge to complain, but did settle for a mimicking facial expression.

"You're quite welcome Tara. I think it's about time you got out of the house for a little while. Hospital visits aside of course." Giles countered, trying his best to be upbeat and positive with Tara, despite his lingering anger with Anya's mess up.

"So you think you might have better books at the shop?" Tara asked completely aware that Anya was mimicking her every word.

"I do." Giles confirmed simply, not giving any more information away.

Tara, who seemed to be becoming more and more of a strong empath was not oblivious to the tension in the car. Giles was angry but trying to stay calm, and Anya was feeling guilty but trying to cover it up. There was another emotion in the car though, something that she couldn't pinpoint to either just yet, one of them was lying or about to lie about something.

* * *

"Tara, what the fuck?" Buffy asked, still cupping her nose tight. Even for a Slayer the pain was excruciating; broken bones, knife wounds, cracked ribs, give me anything but a smack to the nose. Because those babies will always hurt the worst.

"Shut up. Check Faith's pulse." Tara snapped, her voice deeper and more commanding than usual. When Buffy didn't move she gestured with her finger in Faith's direction, her fingertips still crackling with magical power.

Buffy crawled up the bed, wiping her bloodied hands on her jeans before resting her middle and index finger over Faith's pulse point. She was fairly sure that Faith was still alive, her back still tingling with the Slayer mojo of another one being around. She kept moving her fingers on her neck, becoming more and more frantic when she couldn't find a pulse.

_Perhaps the Slayer tingling doesn't wear off for a while, perhaps I strangled for longer than I thought I did, but she barely fought me off. I just wanted to keep her from hurting Xander again. Oh my god, what if I've just killed Faith._

She couldn't get too deep in to her inner ramble, as she finally found a weak slow pulse under her fingertips.

Faith was still alive.

She hadn't killed her.

She could be evil though.

As could Tara.

* * *

"So, if you start by searching through these books Tara, I'll look through these, and we'll see if we can find out something regarding the demons last night, hmm?" Giles asked, checking that Tara was happy with the plan.

"Okay Mr Giles."

Giles lifted himself from leaning on the table, and stood behind Tara.

"Tara my dear, I have known you for many years now, and it is a wonderful miracle that you are back here. We all missed you greatly, and I missed you like I would have if, well as if you were my own daughter. I appreciate the respect that you kindly showed me a few years ago by addressing me by my title, but I think it's time you joined the rest of the group and called me Giles. Of course I shall have to look at you strictly on the odd occasion to keep up the façade that it angers me, but truth be told, it makes me feel like I have a nickname amongst you and that is something that I appreciate, T, Blondie."

Giles released a beaming smile at his joke, one that was returned in full by Tara.

As he stepped away to give Anya her duties, Tara dropped the smile. Yep. It's Giles who is lying.

* * *

Tara had been researching for quite a few hours at the Magic Box, and after getting absolutely no information on the demons she figured that she would take a small break to clear her head. She stood up from the table her and Giles had been researching at, and motioned with her thumb that she was going into the training room. He simply nodded, eager to get back to his research.

Despite his best efforts to keep hidden what he was researching, every time he got up to aid a customer when Anya was busy, Tara glanced up and just so happened to notice that he was researching dimensions as opposed to demons. Presumably, he was researching her return and Willow's leaving, as opposed to last night's demons like her. What puzzled her the most is why he was trying to be secretive about his research, of course they needed to research what had happened, but why do it without her? Was this the lie that she had been feeling?

Ignoring those thoughts for the moment, Tara stepped out the training room and into the alley behind the shop, settling herself on some crates. She reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out her cigarette pack, but not her lighter, she checked her other pocket, and still no lighter. Fumbling her hands into her denim jacket pocket she pulled out a lighter as well as what felt like a piece of paper. Placing her cigarette pack and lighter on the crate for the time being, Tara pulled out the paper and focussed her attention to the envelope addressed to 'Everyone.'

You didn't have to be magical or an empath or a college student to realise what was inside of this envelope. Nope, inside of this envelope was a suicide note from her supposed dead soul mate.

Tara probably would never have described herself as the curious type, she was not one to poke her nose when it didn't concern her. However, this did concern her. It of course had crossed her mind that perhaps she was back because Willow had done a spell to swap their places, her death for Tara's life. And right now, she held what was probably the closest thing to an answer that she would receive for a very long time.

It would be silly not to read it. Unwise. Foolish. Irrational even.

She opened the envelope, and peeled out the folded note, cradling it with both hands. This was something that her ex had written, she didn't remember her at all, but it felt special and sentimental nonetheless.

Taking a gulp for courage, Tara began reading the handwritten note aloud.

"_To Everyone,"_

Tara stopped reading it already. Could she really do this? Could she really read something so intimate? Something that she felt both interested in reading, as well as overpoweringly guilty. To read something written by somebody who loved her, to read her final words.

What if the words explained why she was back here though? Surely then she could forgive herself for her curiosity.

With that, Tara continued reading it aloud. __

"This is not a note of apology, but one of goodbye. I realise the beautiful friendships that I held so close have eventually broken down, and are soon to disappear forever. Please understand I do not blame you for that, it was of course my fault."

Wow. Maybe Willow had killed herself because she felt guilt over the friendships, and not because of the death of me.__

"I know that you said goodbye to me a long time ago, May 7_th__ last year really."_

Scrap that. I died May 7th. And she's what? Making out that she died the same day that I did?__

"But I leave you this in the hope that we can get our final ending, so we can shut that book, and you can move on in the good fight without me. Tara was not only my partner but my soulmate. She was my life, filling moments of dire reality, she allowed the promise of something better to always be there. She gave me a reason to never give up hope, and to fight the losing battle without fear or uncertainty."

Tara wiped at her tears. This was just too much, just too much to take in.

Of course she had been told time and time again about Willow, and their love together. But to actually read something handwritten by her, her final words on this plane confirming this. Well, it was just overwhelming. What was clear, despite that Willow obviously loved her as much as everybody else kept saying, was that this note was not written to her. Either there was another note meant only for her to read, or Willow had absolutely no idea that Tara would return in her place.

Tara pulled a cigarette out of her packet, desperate to feel some kind of emotional release. She lit it with trembling hands, managing to spark the lighter properly on the third attempt. Mindful not to get ash on the note, she continued reading it, now more in a broken stammering whisper than a clear voice.__

"I don't know why it happened, but something stopped us from building our lives together, and instead ripped her from this realm. Now, I have no reason to continue. Tara's light has been taken from the world, from me, and I'm sucking the light out of her memory. I gave myself one year to try every spell possible, to pray to each and every God in turn and to give whatever was needed to get her back. But I have failed, so instead, I leave you with my goodbye message."

Tara couldn't contain her emotions anymore, she dropped her still lit cigarette to the floor and howled the pain that was in her._ She killed herself for me. This woman died because I died_. Clutching herself in her arms, trying to her very best to provide a degree of comfort, she wailed. The note was crumbling in her hands, but she didn't even have the strength left to care.

In her mind, in that moment, she figured she may as well have just taken this beautiful woman's life with her own bare hands.

Pulling herself together as best she could, she finished the letter in one final go. Speaking it aloud out of respect, because if Willow is up there, watching and listening then she deserved to hear her final words once more. She deserved to hear them read to her by the person responsible for her death, Tara. __

"Thank you for being you. All of you. Thank you for trying to save the world over and over again. Thank you for sharing your heart, your house and you sacred duties with me. Thank you for trying to be there before everything fell apart. I will always treasure the memories I hold of you all, and I hope in return, you will remember me. The happy me, the one that tried to show you love each and every day. Remember I'll be with you when you need me most, and at your side in every battle, if I can, I'll send true happiness your way, and wake you in the midst of your nightmares. But for now, I need to be with Tara again. See you on the other side, All my love."

It was not said as a broken whisper, but more as a confident finale to the letter. Similar to the way she used to say her Amen following the Lords Prayer she was made to say as a child.__

"Willow."

Tara held herself for a while longer, trying to stifle the tears. The severe emotions were almost crushing the oxygen from her lungs, and she no longer had strength to keep herself upright on the crate. She dropped into a laying position, and curled into a foetal ball.

Tara is not a believer in coincidence, but has always been somebody who believes in fate.

So when at that precise moment she looked up too quickly to see black spots in her vision, and felt the crushing pain amongst her throat, and a burning in her lungs. She knew something was wrong. She knew fate was stepping in.

Folding the crumpled letter and placing it in her jacket pocket again, Tara mustered all of the strength she could to make herself stand. Using her emotional energy, she closed her eyes tight and breathed her incantation to the air. Only opening her eyes again when she noticed a difference in the atmosphere.

She immediately recognised where she was, having not given an instruction to go to any place in particular, only where she was needed at that moment.

There in front of her she saw Buffy forcing the life out of Faith on her old bed, in her old bedroom in the Summer's house. Xander was sprawled out on the floor, definitely unconscious.

However Faith's lifeless body was extremely concerning. Using the high emotions in the room as well as her own that were still raging within her, Tara released a wordless electrical jolt from her hands and shot it in Buffy's direction. Buffy's form rising in the air at an almost blurred speed, before falling back to the ground with a thud.

Tara tried to control the anger that she could feel in the room, she was sure that the magic and emotions combined were making her look maniacal right now. But she held little concern for her appearance as she looked over to Faith who remained still on the bed.

"Tara, what the fuck?" Buffy asked, her hand on her bloody nose, her Slayer strength failing to push her upwards with one hand.

"Shut up. Check Faith's pulse."

Tara had never heard her voice at such a low octave. It was so commanding and powerful, it didn't sound like her at all.

Keeping her concern on Faith and off of the fuming and almost speechless Buffy, Tara pointed her electrical fingers to Faith's still body.

The magic was still searing through her veins, and she did all she could to keep it under control.

She had never succumbed to the feeling of dark magic, but right here, right now.

Tara felt deliciously sinful.


	30. Milestone

**Chapter 30: Milestone**

Buffy gladly pulled her fingers away from Faith's neck, and sighed in relief that she was still alive. Killing Faith, really wasn't on her bucket list. It had simply been a reflexive action at seeing Xander hurt. But if Faith was evil then maybe she should have killed her. But then an evil Faith probably would have fought back. Fuck. This was confusing.

Buffy pushed herself up off the bed, and placed her feet on the floor to stand up. Tara was still stood in the doorway, electric crackling from her fingers, pure evil almost oozing from her eye sockets.

"Stay down." Tara demanded, her right hand mimicking a ball throwing movement. Without an incantation, Buffy's torso unwillingly fell backwards. With a small wrist flick from Tara, Buffy's arms were extended and pinned by an invisible force.

"Tara?!" Buffy cried, scared as hell.

So maybe that isn't the real Tara.

* * *

"Giles! Giles!" Anya screamed frantically from the training room, as she burst back into the shop.

Giles power walked over to Anya, and tried to keep a fake smile plastered on his face whilst he addressed her, "Anya, this is a public shop, with customers. We don't yell in here."

Anya carried on regardless, "Giles, something's wrong with Tara. I'm gonna teleport there, you need to follow in your car. Buffy's house. Quickly."

Before Giles could even reply, Anya had already disappeared from the very middle of the Magic Box, in plain view of a couple of customers. Yep, this was gonna boost sales to no end.

Giles approached a customer that often visited the shop, not having anybody else to rely on at this second.

"Erm, excuse me. Amy isn't it?" Giles asked the customer, trying to be polite but quick at the same time.

"Yep that's right." She replied, completely unfazed by the sales assistant's disappearing act.

"Amy, I have rather a large crisis right now. I know that you come in here a lot, and I am wondering if per chance you might be able to look after the shop until I get back? Of course I will pay you for your time and future discount and such, but right now I am incredibly desperate." Giles tried his best puppy dog eyed smile, despite being worried as hell about Tara. It was so unlike Anya to ever react like that, especially when there were still customers in the shop. Something must really be wrong. My God, what if she has died again.

"Course I can." She smiled widely.

"Right, dark books are up there, don't sell them. Thank you so much." Giles called, already running to the exit holding his blazer in his hand and fishing out his car keys with the other hand.

* * *

Anya teleported straight into the middle of the lounge, hoping that Buffy might be in there. She wasn't looking forward to facing Tara. She could feel her anger emanating from here at the magic box, but now that she was in the same building as her, well, let's just say Anyanka had her game face on.

Teleporting herself again into Willow's… Tara's bedroom, Anya was unsure of what to focus on more when she entered. The sinister looking Tara, the possibly dead Faith, or the unconscious Xander. Something had happened, and it was likely that somebody in this room was probably about to get really really hurt.

Anya threw her attention to the sprawled out Buffy on the bed. Her arms appeared pinned down, and she seemed to be doing her very best to break free, Tara's focus hadn't moved from Buffy, so Anya did something really stupid. Something that she'd probably regret later.

Anya morphed back in to Anyanka and jumped at Tara. Pinning her arms at her sides, she headbutted her in the forehead, knocking her backwards. With Tara's focus broken, Buffy's struggling paid off, and she managed to jump off of the bed. Gunning straight for Tara, Buffy pulled back her elbow and prepared to strike Tara in the face, hard. Tara however expected both of the attacks and blasted them both back against the walls with little more than a flick of her wrists. Anyanka rose before Buffy did, she charged straight for Tara's head, hoping if they could just get in one good head shot that Tara might black out.

Swinging her leg high, Anyanka aimed to kick Tara in the ribs, in actuality Tara saw it coming and swerved backwards causing Anyanka to lose balance and fall to her side. Buffy took her chance and swiped out Tara's legs, Tara fell to the ground. Blasting an energy dome to buy her time, both of her opponents fell at the same moment.

Anyanka tried another tactic, leaping over to Faith she pulled her into a sitting position and held her unconscious head under a crushing elbow. "One more move, and I'll rip her head off." Anyanka bellowed, her voice deeply demonic. Buffy stepped behind Tara, ready to grab her or beat her down if necessary.

Buffy didn't exactly like the fact that Anyanka was helping her, nor did she like the fact that in order to gain the upper hand it had involved threatening the life of Faith, but she had to admit it had at least stopped her getting her butt kicked for the moment.

Tara was seriously enjoying the violence that she was part of, and the magic flowing through her veins. It was pure and delicious, something that she could easily come to get used to if she wanted. The spell she had silently cast to make her strong and able to fight was enchanting, she had never felt so much power in all of her life, or death. That was all until, Anya's very real, evil alter ego had threatened Faith. That was something that she could not let happen, since she had been back the only person with whom she felt something was Faith. Faith was willing to fight for her, and she was more than ready to fight for Faith. If Buffy wanted her dead, tough shit, Tara would protect her with her life if need be.

"Let her go." Tara screamed, using the distraction to stand up and create a protection shield. Hovering her way closer to the bed, Tara raised her hands to attack again.

"Hands down." Anya called, now back in her own human-esque form. "I can feel your pain, but I can also feel Faith's pulse. She's not dead Tara." She tried to say very calmly, finding it difficult to concentrate as Anyanka with the vengeance vibes emanating from Tara.

"I know that." Tara snapped, not trusting a word she said. "I just need to check." Tara said, her voice a little softer than it had been in a while. "Please." She added, hoping that they would let her without question. She just needed to make sure that Faith was okay, then she could annihilate these bitches.

Tara removed her fingers from Faith's neck, and silently enclosed her inside a protection bubble.

"Now you'll pay." Tara said simply. The incantation to a fire spell hanging on her lips. Sizing up the women, she completed it and let the fight commence. Fireballs shot out of both of her hands, completely destroying the room. Her aim was miserable, but she did manage to get Anya once in the calf, Anyanka got her game face on immediately, and prepared for an actual battle.

Buffy dodged the fireballs easily, but was still shellshocked as to why the hell this was happening. Buffy missed a couple of opportunities to incapacitate Tara, still grasping at the hope that this still might be the real Tara.

"What's the matter Buffy? You've attacked all of your other friends before haven't you?" Tara swerved to avoid what would have been a nasty right hook from Anyanka, and continued. "Why leave me out?"

"Are you her?" Buffy asked so innocently that it completely stopped all of the martial art displays dead in their tracks. The Slayer and the vengeance demon both looked to the relapsing witch, allowing her time to answer. Tara dropped her hands to her sides, not bothering to hide her tear filled eyes she met Buffy's intense gaze and nodded.

Buffy nodded appreciatively and shot her fist upwards into Tara's chin, before she had a chance to retaliate, she slammed her fist downwards on top of Tara's skull. Tara dropped to her knees immediately and fell backwards in a heap. Her spell over Faith gave away, and the shield evaporated immediately.

Anyanka changed back to Anya once again, and breathed a sigh of relief. Running her fingers over the calf injury which was stinging like hell now that she was back in human form. Looking over Buffy to make sure that she wasn't injured too badly, she whispered the obvious. "Basement?"

"Yup."

* * *

Tara lifted her head up which had obviously been hanging limply for a while. Working against the pain and the tight muscles, she lifted it to stand straight on her shoulders once more. Rotating her head in gentle circles, before doing the same with her shoulders, Tara couldn't help but notice that something that was extremely wrong.

Tara lifted her eyes, knowing full well which room she was in. She clenched her fists, and alternated her wrist movements, feeling the friction of the rope grinding against her skin.

"You tied me up?" She asked to the room, not really expecting an answer. Shifting her wrists again and concluding that with Slayer tied knots, she probably wasn't getting out of here without the use of magic, Tara cast her first releasing spell. And failed.

"That inadequacy to complete a spell, that is due to the bindings temporarily placed upon you." Giles confirmed, meeting her hateful stare. "You won't want to fight it."

Tara gave what sounded almost like a savage growl in response. Ignoring his advice, she attempted a stronger spell.

"Believe me when I tell you this. You do not want to fight my spell." Giles repeated, fully aware of Tara's inner spell casting. Although he did not voice his concerns, he was completely overwhelmed by the description given to him about her spell use. The majority of the spells that she had cast without prior ritual nor calling upon the gods and goddesses had originated from dark magic. Their Tara, their stuttering, head over heels in love, pancake making Tara, she would never have delved into the dark arts. In fact she had left her soul mate for doing the very same thing. Perhaps this was not her. Perhaps the real Tara, the Tara that they all loved really was gone for good.

Tara tried for an almighty explosion of a spell, combining the anger and hatred currently in the room, with her feeling of invincibility and she just knew deep down that she could overcome Giles' crappy binding spell.

But she couldn't.

What met her instead of her freedom was an incapacitating headache. One which drove her head back with such force that it pulled several neck muscles at once. Her wrists tugged at the ropes which bound them, trying desperately to free them just so that she could grasp at the intense pain, as if just holding her head would make the pain lessen.

The pain eventually dulled, as did the sounds coming from Tara's mouth. She agonisingly pushed her head into an upright position and blinked away her blinding tears.

"Third time's the charm." Buffy called sardonically. "Apparently, the bigger the spell, the worse the pain." She paused, moving herself forward a couple of steps to prove how courageous she felt now. Bending down to Tara's level she breathed directly at her face. "Wanna play again?"

Buffy reflexively pulled her head back, but not quickly enough. Tara's spit still landed on her face, noticeably sliding downwards over her top lip. Buffy didn't even take the time to wipe it away, instead replying with a hard slap across Tara's cheek.

"Gee Buff, it's really great to be back. I missed you." Tara called to her, not even giving her the satisfaction of letting her know the slap hurt like hell. "Hey Giles, you want to get in on this? I know how much you love to torture people. Gonna show me that oh so secret torture move you have? Or does it only work on guys?"

Giles ignored her, instead focussing on what they needed to know. "Who are you?" He asked calmly and clearly.

"Tara."

"Who are you really?" Anya asked from the side-lines, coming closer to inspect their hostage. Her head twisted at an odd angle, similar to that of a confused puppy, as she downright glared at her to figure who or what she was.

"Tara." She answered again. Her neck still stiff and painful from pulling it quickly, and her cheek still throbbing from a Slayer girly slap. She really wasn't having a great day today.

Buffy walked closer to Tara again, completing the circle shaped walking path she had purposely adopted. "Tell us who you really are."

"If I say it three times in a row, do I get another pain prize?" Tara asked through gritted teeth.

"Who are you?" Buffy asked again, ignoring the question.

"I am Tara Maclay. Born October 16th 1980, raised in Birmingham, Alabama by my Momma and Dad, and older brother Donny. I died May 7th 2002 from a gunshot wound." Sensing the complete lack of understanding from anybody in the room, she needlessly repeated the simple fact again. "I am Tara. Tara Maclay."

"You're lying!" Buffy screamed.

Urging Buffy back, Giles looked at Tara again. He was really concentrating on her face, trying to study her, trying to use his Watchers Council body language knowledge to figure out if she really was who she said she was. She seemed sincere, there was no proof of a downright lie. Her lack of complete details was concerning however, if she truly were Tara, surely she would remember something.

"Tara, when did we first meet?" Giles asked, ignoring the near irate stomped pacing of his Slayer.

"We first met at your house, I came over after meeting Buffy and knowing something was wrong, knowing it wasn't her. I can't recall the date." She replied, feeling a little lighter now than someone was almost believing her. She knew the answers to her life, she could answer these questions.

"And what did you create?" He asked, believing a little more.

"A draconian katra spell." Tara thought back to the little green glowing orb she had made and added somewhat self-consciously, "Well the homemade version."

"Who was with you when you visited?" He pushed, he couldn't get this wrong, these details were crucial to knowing if she were really Tara.

Tara's brow furrowed, was he asking a trick question? "Nobody. Just you Mr Gil… Just you Giles."

Reading Giles' look of complete disappointment, Buffy jumped in again.

"You're lying, who the fuck are you?! What have you done with Willow?!"

"Buffy, I believe that this is Tara. I do not believe that she has any recollection of Willow, therefore holding her hostage down here is bloody pointless. Free her and Faith and let's discuss this in a civil manner."

_Faith is down here. Faith is close by._ Ignoring the pain in her neck, Tara swung her head around. Catching a glimpse of a tied up Faith in her peripheral vision. Faith looked unharmed, but was bound by the shackles above the cot, her head hanging limp where she was presumably still unconscious.

Her mother bear instincts returned in spades. Tara growled uncontrollably, sizing up her opponents with her eyes, she knew she couldn't fight them with magic, but she'd fucking stomp them to death if she had to.

Lashing out with her legs, she simply managed to unbalance herself momentarily, no longer having the peak physical training spell supporting her actions anymore. Fuelled on pure determination and hatred she lashed out again, all three controlling Scoobies backing away instantly.

"Tara calm down." Giles urged uselessly, as she erratically kicked away at the air whilst screaming blue murder. Tara kicked too far to the side and managed to throw her chair sideways to the ground, landing hard on her wrist and hearing the snap. The pain seemed to calm her slightly, and she pleaded through the pain and the anxieties overwhelming her.

"There is so much a-anger in here. I can't control it. Please go. Please go." Tara repeated the same simple word desperately over and over again, "Go. Go. Go. Go."

"Giles I think you broke her." Anya hissed, already making her way to the stairs.

"I did not break her Anya, perhaps we should leave. I think she may be struggling with the dark magic and in all honestly I do not know how long my binding spell will hold her for should she erm, well should she give in to the dark magic."

"I'll stay with her." Buffy offered, her facial expression daring anyone to question her decision.

"You got it." Anya shouted as she ran up the stairs and stepped into freedom.

"Very well." Giles muttered begrudgingly. "But please do remember that despite what has happened to Willow, I do think that that is the real Tara."

"How could I forget that?" She replied backhandedly.

* * *

Left alone with Faith and Tara, Buffy opted to attempt civility.

"So, you're really her?"

"Yup." Tara replied through gritted teeth. Her wrist was killing her, and being on the floor sideways under Buffy's watchful eye was extremely intimidating. She was feeling less dark now that Giles and Anya had gone though, she figured that although Buffy's anger was still emanating strongly from her, that she could attempt to ignore it. Although in such close proximity it was difficult to say the least.

Buffy pulled up Tara and the chair in one easy pull, allowing gravity to help the chair fall back on to all four legs again. Tara's wrist ached tremendously, but she figured compared to the pain that was about to be inflicted upon her, it was nothing. She did her best to maintain her strong and brave composure, and ignore the break as if it were simply a scratch, managing to keep up the façade for a good three seconds before her bottom lip quivered slightly.

"Why did you lie about Heaven?" Buffy blurted out slightly surprisingly. It had been playing on her mind since yesterday, and she was not about to let it go now that she had a perfect opportunity to ask the question.

"Lie?" Tara asked a little too innocently, fully aware that she knew she had been caught out.

"Yes lie. Yesterday." Buffy offered, trying to keep her growl in check.

Tara pulled her eyes tight and inhaled deeply. She needed a second to pull herself together, she couldn't use dark magic again, not even to protect Faith. Dark magic was something that she had been raised to avoid, to stay away from at all costs, and here she was surrounded by highly strung emotions and using it to make herself stronger. Using her friend's turmoil to make herself somebody to be feared, somebody that her friends would have to better and kill, someone that they would have to defeat regardless of consequence. No, that was something that she would not give in to, she had to keep her cool, she had to stay relaxed.

"I lied because it's not my place to tell them."

"But you shouldn't lie to us!" Buffy spat, unsatisfied with the answer.

"Buffy I… Look, I came back and Willow aside, I remember everything. I remember what it was like up there, I remember who I was with, God I even remember the rules. It is not my place to tell others about it, they will all find out eventually. It has been a well-kept secret about what it's actually like, and I plan to keep it that way. I mean…" Tara softened her approach, "Why didn't you tell us what it was like when you came back?"

Buffy perched herself on the penultimate stair and drew her legs in close to her body.

"Because, I didn't remember it all. I mean, I know I was there with Grandma and cousin Celia, and that in a weird way, although I was dead, I was happy. But aside from that, I don't really remember it. I felt at peace, and loved, and it was like I knew that everyone around me was okay, and that at some point in time, I'd see them again. How? Just how the hell could I explain that to you without driving you to doing something stupid? I told you I was there, I told you I didn't remember, because what else could I do?!"

Buffy's tears fell faster than she thought possible, and even with her Slayer speed, she couldn't wipe them away swiftly.

"And so I told you the same thing." Tara added quietly, she didn't feel right comforting Buffy just then.

"Did you see my Mom?" Buffy asked, her whole body deathly still as she paused for the answer. Her Mom wasn't perfect and hadn't lived a completely sin free life but the thought of her not getting in to Heaven was almost too much for her to bear.

"Buffy, I really don't think that th…"

"Please." Buffy whispered. "I just need to know she's up there."

Tara sighed softly. "Yes Buffy, I met your Mother up there. Joyce and my Mom became quite good friends actually, along with Jenny Calendar." She shouldn't have told her this much, but she felt like Buffy deserved to know. Knowing that her Mom was there, might be the only thing that stopped her from killing herself in the middle of this mess. "She can see you, and hear you, and she's proud Buffy."

"Thank you." Buffy whispered completely honestly, so grateful to have found some semblance of inner peace.

"You're welcome. Now, do you think that you can untie Faith and me now please?"

"Not yet."

"But why?!" Tara asked, the anger creeping in to her voice a little.

"Because I still don't know why you turned evil and started wailing on us with fireballs." Covering her sarcasm, she tried again. "Why did you react that way? You could have stopped after that first hit."

"I didn't mean to, I mean I did but I didn't want to… Look I saw you attack Faith. Something pulled me, something warned me that I was needed and so I came here. I saw you strangling her, and with all the emotions in the room, God Buffy I just lost it."

"One, I didn't attack Faith, she attacked Xander. Two, What do you mean something told you that you were needed. And three what the hell have emotions got to do with you going all dark Tara?"

"I don't know what Faith did, but when I came in I thought that she might have been dead. Combine that and the high strung emotions of everyone in the room, and my own. I'd just finished reading… S-something, and it upset me. I got a strange feeling and I came to where I was needed, and it was here. I just flipped. I don't understand why, I just did. The power that I felt, God I could have killed you, and at the time I would have taken pleasure in it." Buffy blatantly wasn't understanding what Tara was getting at. "I can read people's emotions Buffy, well, no, sometimes I can read what they're feeling, other times I can't help but feel it."

"What? Since when?" Buffy asked, more than a little confused.

"Since forever, but more so since I've been back. It seems to have just gotten stronger, and now it's at the point where I can feel anyone if their emotions are strong enough."

"And, how strong do they have to be?" The Slayer asked cautiously, knowing full well the vibes she had been sending out recently must have been excruciating to feel.

"You're asking if I've felt you, yes?" Tara asked knowingly.

"I guess."

"I have. All of you have been so emotional and of course with good reason, but you of all Buffy. I've felt you over the others. Even when we are not in the same room, what you have been feeling has been so desperate and raw, that it literally permeates through my skin and I feel you. And I think right now is a good time as any to let out what you're feeling, because soon Buffy, it's going to be too much." Seeing that she was getting through, Tara continued. "And your friends, our friends, have suffered too much losing Willow, they can't afford to lose you again. You may not remember watching it from up there, but I remember how Dawn was when you died. How she wished she could be with you, how I caught her trying to be with you."

Buffy gasped at that piece of news, her eyes were red rimmed and swollen and it seemed like Buffy had dehydrated herself crying, yet she was not done. More tears dripped to the floor, and she didn't even try to fight them, throwing her head in to Tara's lap she sobbed whilst Tara sat helplessly unable to provide further physical comfort.

"I know that you think you can't keep going without Willow, but perhaps I'm here for a reason. What if I'm back to try and stop you from doing something stupid? Stop you doing something that Willow might not have noticed you leaning towards. I know it isn't me you want, you made peace with my death and I truly mean it when I say that that's okay. I'm not Willow, from the sounds of it I wasn't even close to being like her. And I wish that it was her sitting here, preferably not tied to a chair, but I wish that it was her speaking to you right now." Throwing a little bit more desperation in to her voice, she kept going. "Everybody is hurting, everybody is mourning, and I know it's hard to accept that it is me back, because it would be easier to believe that I'm the thing that killed and replaced your friend, but I'm not. You look at me and you wish more than anything that I was her, but just because I'm not, please don't make me the villain in this. Willow killed herself, and now she's gone, but you're not and you have to keep fighting."

She knew that the conversation was off course but it felt like she needed to say something, anything that would stop Buffy from acting on any of the thoughts she had been having recently.

Buffy pulled her head out of Tara's lap and sniffed loudly. "What if she voluntarily swapped places with you?"

"She didn't." Tara replied confidently, knowing full well that she'd have to explain how she knew that. "I read her, her note." Tara wished desperately she could hide her face more effectively from view. Reading that note had been wrong, yet something that she had not been strong enough to walk away from. "She wrote about me, but not to me. I haven't done a searching spell for a note solely for me and I doubt even if I did I would find one. From what I read, Willow had no idea that I would be back. I think what happened was an accident, whilst killing herself she somehow brought me back in her place."

"The flat lining at the hospital?" Buffy asked, feeling stupid that she hadn't figured it out before.

"Perhaps. Maybe before that." Tara took a deep breath, these were painful memories to discuss. "I remember thinking that I was in purgatory, everything was dark. I called out for help but nobody replied. And I prayed. Like a child I threw my palms together and asked for a sign, any sign, just so that I knew I wasn't being punished. And one came, just after I had finished talking, pleading with God for something to give me hope. And then I felt it, a smooth touch to my arm, it was so soft I thought I was imagining it. Then, there on my arm, just my left arm, were goosebumps, and I think that that was you. I think you cried and rubbed my arm."

"Goosebumps?" Buffy asked disbelievingly. "God, I remember goosebumps on Willow's arm, that was you feeling that?"

"I think so."

"Then where the hell was Willow? In Heaven already?"

A silence come over the pair, and Buffy searched Tara's face to find out why. Tara looked away, did Buffy truly not know?

"Probably not in Heaven, no." Tara cautiously stated, trying not to give too much away at once.

"Then where?!" Buffy yelled, knowing that she was not being told something ridiculously important.

"I can't be sure, I think that it has only been reported via demon rumour but there is talk that…"

"For God's sake Tara! Where?!" Buffy yelled, stopping Tara from carefully pussyfooting around the answer.

"Some kind of hell dimension. A dimension for suicide's only. It's rumoured to be, well to be really bad." Tara stopped, she could feel this news almost killing Buffy as she kneeled in front of her.

"And she's stuck there? And we're what, wasting time doing fuck all here?! Why aren't we getting her back?!"

"Buffy, there's a reason it's only rumoured to be a hell dimension. Nobody knows for sure, because nobody has ever returned."

"She will. We'll get Willow back." Buffy stood and ascended the stairs in an almost military fashion. If there was even a miniscule chance at getting Willow back, they would do it, to hell with any risks.

* * *

"She's gone." Tara called to other person present in the room.

"'Bout time." Faith replied, slipping a grin at the back of Tara's head, "How'd you know I was awake?"

"Can feel you remember?"

Tara looked up as Faith stood in front of her, hiding her surprise well. "How'd you get free?"

Faith exhaled mockingly, "Please, Buffy couldn't tie a knot to save her life. Plus, I fucked a sailor once."

Faith pulled away the bindings from Tara's wrists, catching the rope before it hit the ground. Before Tara could pull her hands forward, Faith ran her finger along the thick red welts on her skin, tracing the rope indentation with precision.

Tara was still feeling the pain from her wrists, and she desperately wanted to pull her hands around to check the damage, but feeling Faith touch her so gently was stopping her in her tracks. Closing her eyes softly, Tara allowed herself to feel the comforting gesture that transparently hinted at more than just a friendship bond between them. The soft touch was more calming than anything she had felt since she had been back, and she was downtrodden as soon as it had passed.

Pulling her hands to her front, and gripping her wrist softly, Tara had not expected Faith to be so close to her.

"You okay T?" Faith asked, her voice thick with concern. Her thumbs involuntarily wiped along Tara's cheekbones, trying to hide all evidence of her sadness. Cupping her cheek, she felt when Tara softly nodded her answer. Ocean blue met chocolate brown, and time seemed to slip away from them both, lost in each other's gazes. Faith eventually broke the intense stare, but instead of pulling away she leaned in closer. Faith glanced up one final time, her body ablaze with desire, but her eyes sparkled with love.

Tara closed the gap between them and brushed her lips against Faith's, unable to leave it there, she tried again with more force. Their kiss displayed pure adoration without roaming into passionately over the top, it was a taster, holding a promise of more to come. They pulled apart at the same time, with laboured breathing they rested their foreheads together and closed their eyes, content to simply bask in each other's presence.

* * *

Fed up with listening to Dawn whine on about treating Faith unfairly, Anya discussing the possibility that Tara was a sexbot and Xander moaning about his headache, Giles decided he best go to the magic box and relieve Amy of her duties. As the bell dinged to announce his present, he took comfort in the fact that there seemed to be little disruption to the shop. Amy was stood behind the counter finishing up with a sale of what looked like a crystal ball and a slug candle. He walked over just as the customer walked away from the counter, he beamed at her, so grateful that she had helped.

"Did er, everything go smoothly?" He asked, she returned a smile to him, her hand already reaching out for her handbag.

"Yes, everything was fine. No dark requests, no amateur idiots, nothing I couldn't handle." She replied, gripping the flap of the bag downwards.

Giles walked behind the counter and pulled out five $20 dollars bills from the till. "I hope this is adequate compensation for your time."

"Oh wow yea, thanks." Amy replied, pocketing the bills in her jacket.

"I really appreciate your help today, I know it was wrong of me to leave you with such responsibility. But I am eternally grateful."

"No worries." She paused and looked up at him, a malicious grin on her face, "Rupert."

Exiting the shop, Amy turned three separate corners before she came to a halt. Checking that she wasn't being followed, she opened her bag and pulled out a hefty looking book entitled 'Mortem et Interitum'

"No worries at all." She whispered to the air, her finger stroking the spine of the dark book.


End file.
